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Original poster

14yo DD dating a 16yo Boy

65 replies

Tirangapete · 16/03/2025 16:37

Hi

I’m DD is 14 and a very good girl, she has told me today she has a boyfriend and he is 16, is this something for me to worry about ???

I have played it cool and was supportive, but after she told me and I was alone I started to worry and over think

16 is a significant legal landmark age

any advice ?

OP posts:
Doitrightnow · 17/03/2025 07:16

I think talking to your daughter, which you already have done, and trusting her is all you can do.

I had a few boyfriends as a teenager - one was 21! - but I was a Christian myself and knew I didn't want to have sex then. So I didn't. My teenage relationships only lasted for a month tops as I wasn't really ready for a boyfriend at all.

She has her own values and will act according to them.

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 07:13

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 07:03

A drip feed is where your post doesn’t include all the relevant information. Then the poster provides the relevant information in subsequent posts, all the while expecting all responders to have known that info all along.

Show quote history

Ohh ok, Im sorry

I’m a 45yo man who is not very good with these sort of things :(

learn something new everyday

OP posts:
Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 07:03

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:59

Drip feed ??? No idea what that means

my daughter is Autistic, her ASD causes her to have a mild LD with conceptual impairment, she works very hard at school and is doing well, her mothers passing has affected her very badly

she is a strikingly beautiful child and has done modeling for one of the UKs biggest retailers, her sister is at Uni and is also a part time model for a number of national retailers

they get that from my late wife, their father is a farmer with a face to match his fields 😂

Show quote history

A drip feed is where your post doesn’t include all the relevant information. Then the poster provides the relevant information in subsequent posts, all the while expecting all responders to have known that info all along.

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 07:02

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 07:00

pardon? Yes I read that you were planning to speak to his parents - big no!

I also read that you were worried about the state of Society in general and get the sense you think we are all going to hell for thinking teenagers will be be having sex.

if you are spouting that to your daughter, I have no doubt whatsoever that she’d keep secrets from you regarding anything of. A sexual nature.

I put time into reading your posts and my reply as did others. You are being rude.

Show quote history

You clearly haven’t read all my posts

I suggest you do, it will give you better context

sorry if that comes across as rude

OP posts:
Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 07:00

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:52

Have you read my posts ? Or are you only interested in making a point ?

please read my posts and try and understand

Show quote history

pardon? Yes I read that you were planning to speak to his parents - big no!

I also read that you were worried about the state of Society in general and get the sense you think we are all going to hell for thinking teenagers will be be having sex.

if you are spouting that to your daughter, I have no doubt whatsoever that she’d keep secrets from you regarding anything of. A sexual nature.

I put time into reading your posts and my reply as did others. You are being rude.

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:59

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 06:48

Drip feed or what 🤦‍♀️

Of course special needs makes a difference here re consent. What special needs are we taking about here because it you say ADHD, I’m out.

Show quote history

Drip feed ??? No idea what that means

my daughter is Autistic, her ASD causes her to have a mild LD with conceptual impairment, she works very hard at school and is doing well, her mothers passing has affected her very badly

she is a strikingly beautiful child and has done modeling for one of the UKs biggest retailers, her sister is at Uni and is also a part time model for a number of national retailers

they get that from my late wife, their father is a farmer with a face to match his fields 😂

OP posts:
Hardlyworking · 17/03/2025 06:54

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:54

And there it is .. modern broken Britain

I’ll pray for your soul

Show quote history

😂 😂 😂 😂

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:54

Hardlyworking · 17/03/2025 06:51

YOUR lord pal, not mine. I expect your kids already banged half of year 10 with the repressed upbringing you're trying to force on her.

Show quote history

And there it is .. modern broken Britain

I’ll pray for your soul

OP posts:
Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:52

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 06:44

If you do that, I think you can expect your child to withdraw from you and be less open.

At 14-16 my friends and I had differing rules with parents about who could have boyfriends and who wasn’t allowed. We all had boyfriends and we were all sexually active - some of us just had to lie about where we were and who we were with.

This isnt something you can control. Your daughter can control it though. based on HER own choices and what she deems to be moral behaviour (which may differ to your own opinion). So I would be enforcing her own empowerment and autonomy not to be pressured by a man, not trying to prevent her having sex as this won’t achieve the outcome you’re hoping for.

Show quote history

Have you read my posts ? Or are you only interested in making a point ?

please read my posts and try and understand

OP posts:
Hardlyworking · 17/03/2025 06:51

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:22

What’s the matter with me

my underage DD is dating a sexually active 16yo boy and you think that something is wrong with me for worrying ???

we used to be a Christian nation, where the guidance of the Lord made a difference, now all I see is an acceptance of sin and the encouragement of fornication

I will be seeing his Dad today, he runs the local garage and I will be explaining to him that his son need to respect my DD’s modesty and if he agrees to such I will allow him to continue to see my DD, if there is any hint of disrespect for that position, then he won’t be seeing her again

I’m a single parent my wife died of breast cancer a number years ago, I have raised these children alone, I’m not going to be found wanting now

Edited
Show quote history

YOUR lord pal, not mine. I expect your kids already banged half of year 10 with the repressed upbringing you're trying to force on her.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 06:48

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:41

I’m perfectly calm , quite a rude statement

My Daugher has special needs and confirmed that capacity to consent is an issue, that’s why I got guidance from the police.

the lad is sexually active it’s a small village and his previous girlfriends parents are my friends and have told me such that girl was same age as him and they sadly walked in her room while they were at it, they should have been in school and the poor mum was just looking for laundry

Show quote history

Drip feed or what 🤦‍♀️

Of course special needs makes a difference here re consent. What special needs are we taking about here because it you say ADHD, I’m out.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 17/03/2025 06:47

What does 'table with six legs' mean?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 06:44

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:22

What’s the matter with me

my underage DD is dating a sexually active 16yo boy and you think that something is wrong with me for worrying ???

we used to be a Christian nation, where the guidance of the Lord made a difference, now all I see is an acceptance of sin and the encouragement of fornication

I will be seeing his Dad today, he runs the local garage and I will be explaining to him that his son need to respect my DD’s modesty and if he agrees to such I will allow him to continue to see my DD, if there is any hint of disrespect for that position, then he won’t be seeing her again

I’m a single parent my wife died of breast cancer a number years ago, I have raised these children alone, I’m not going to be found wanting now

Edited
Show quote history

If you do that, I think you can expect your child to withdraw from you and be less open.

At 14-16 my friends and I had differing rules with parents about who could have boyfriends and who wasn’t allowed. We all had boyfriends and we were all sexually active - some of us just had to lie about where we were and who we were with.

This isnt something you can control. Your daughter can control it though. based on HER own choices and what she deems to be moral behaviour (which may differ to your own opinion). So I would be enforcing her own empowerment and autonomy not to be pressured by a man, not trying to prevent her having sex as this won’t achieve the outcome you’re hoping for.

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:41

SemperIdem · 17/03/2025 06:36

You need to calm down.

I cannot believe you have contacted the local police station over this.

How do you even know that the boy is sexually active? Plenty of 16 year olds aren’t.

I’m perfectly calm , quite a rude statement

My Daugher has special needs and confirmed that capacity to consent is an issue, that’s why I got guidance from the police.

the lad is sexually active it’s a small village and his previous girlfriends parents are my friends and have told me such that girl was same age as him and they sadly walked in her room while they were at it, they should have been in school and the poor mum was just looking for laundry

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 17/03/2025 06:36

You need to calm down.

I cannot believe you have contacted the local police station over this.

How do you even know that the boy is sexually active? Plenty of 16 year olds aren’t.

sunisbetterthanrain · 17/03/2025 06:36

It sounds like you’ve not had it easy OP, you clearly care a great deal about your daughter and have a very good relationship with her. Ultimately you know her best and it sounds like you trust her to make the right decisions.

Just try to keep the conversation open and make the boyfriend feel welcome at your house, open bedroom door policy seems fair at age 14. If you encourage them to spend time at yours then things are more under your control and you’re less likely to push her away or create a situation where she feels she has to lie or rebel.

he might not be sexually active, plenty of boys are much older than 16 when they become so.

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:36

VisitationRights · 17/03/2025 06:31

Exodus 20, verse 7, “don’t take the Lord’s name in vain”.

This is what is wrong with self professed Christians these days, just randomly selecting which commandments to follow and which to break. Tsk tsk tsk.

Show quote history

I was talking to Christ our Lord in the post

asking him to guide me through the heathen nonsense and give me wisdom

find Jesus … let him guide you as well

OP posts:
Amba1998 · 17/03/2025 06:36

Do not reach out to his parents and certainly not to say you’re fine with it as long as he doesn’t pressure her, you’re making insinuations there and will get off on the wrong foot and close doors to communication. You’ll also embarrass your daughter and make it less likely for her to talk to you

keep lines open with your child. Invite him round and get to know him.

I am sorry but this is all part and parcel of raising teenagers. There’s nothing you can do but support

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:33

thatsfunnybecause · 16/03/2025 22:32

Yes it is illegal but as long as it was consensual then no action would be taken

I wouldn’t talk to his parents. Either they are the kind of parents who would have that kind of conversation with the 16 year old son in which case they already have or they’re not and you asking them to won’t change that. I would want to meet him though and would encourage dd to invite him round.

Realistically if teens want to have sex they will, parents asking them not to won’t stop them.

See my post above on consent

I feel I need to speak to his dad as it’s not a usual situation

OP posts:
VisitationRights · 17/03/2025 06:31

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:09

Im not encouraging my 14yo to be having sex FFS, that’s what’s wrong with the world in one sentence

calling a parent a prude for wanting their underage child to be safe, Christ the moral fiber or this nation is utterly fractured

Show quote history

Exodus 20, verse 7, “don’t take the Lord’s name in vain”.

This is what is wrong with self professed Christians these days, just randomly selecting which commandments to follow and which to break. Tsk tsk tsk.

Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:30

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/03/2025 23:02

I’m sure it’s illegal for him to have sex with her ?

It isn't illegal if she consents.

Even if it were illegal, it won't stop them if they decide to have sex.

Make sure her contraception is watertight and that she understands the nature of consent.

Thanks

it is 100% illegal for them to have sex the local police station confirmed

CPS are unlikely to prosecute if there is consent so in most cases these would be no further action.

the issue for this lad is my DD is autistic and consent would need to be established in Court as I feel she hasn’t capacity to fully understand and consent, and her psychologist who she see’s for the trauma of seeing her mum die also feels she may lack capacity at a young age, so in that regards the local constabulary have told me they would always arrest and question and they have told me the CPS would charge the lad and let a court decide.

this is why I want to speak to his dad

so the lad doesn’t end up in trouble

I actually know him from coaching a rugby team and he isn’t a bad kid, I don’t want him getting in bother

OP posts:
Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:22

CarpetKnees · 16/03/2025 23:35

but I feel I should reach out to his patients, I don’t know them but feel it’s worth having that conversation and letting them know I’m cool with it as long as he doesn’t put any pressure on her

Good grief DO NOT do this (and yes, I did mean to shout).

Leave them alone.
Perfectly normal and healthy relationship.
What is the matter with you ?

What’s the matter with me

my underage DD is dating a sexually active 16yo boy and you think that something is wrong with me for worrying ???

we used to be a Christian nation, where the guidance of the Lord made a difference, now all I see is an acceptance of sin and the encouragement of fornication

I will be seeing his Dad today, he runs the local garage and I will be explaining to him that his son need to respect my DD’s modesty and if he agrees to such I will allow him to continue to see my DD, if there is any hint of disrespect for that position, then he won’t be seeing her again

I’m a single parent my wife died of breast cancer a number years ago, I have raised these children alone, I’m not going to be found wanting now

OP posts:
Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:14

backawayfatty1 · 16/03/2025 23:40

Having been in a similar situation, I would suggest having contraception available. They say they don't want to have sex but from experience, they change their mind quickly when it suits! Better safe than sorry

i get all that … but if I hand my 14yo underage child condoms I’m saying “that’s ok to have sex”

we are a Christian family and go to church weekly it’s not ok in our moral code and my daughter has been brought up right, I’m actually not worried about her as she is very mature and actually has an aunt she is close to who I have already made aware that in this scenario Id rather her have protection than not

but I’m not making it available for my 14yo she knows where it can be sought

OP posts:
Original poster
Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:09

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 22:59

I haven’t a clue what the table with six legs comment is actually meant to mean. But tbh some teenagers are wanting to rush into having sex- but sex is normal and enjoyable and hormones in the teenage years kind of encourage it. So I wouldn’t be pissy about teenagers with hormones!

Whilst it isn’t legal- it’s also unlikely to be a crime that you could press charges for if they had consensual sex age 16 and 14. Make it clear that they both could get into trouble for sexting though as that’s age 18 and child pornography laws are strict (and rightly so).

Talk, don’t be a prude. And give and expect respect and honesty.

Show quote history

Im not encouraging my 14yo to be having sex FFS, that’s what’s wrong with the world in one sentence

calling a parent a prude for wanting their underage child to be safe, Christ the moral fiber or this nation is utterly fractured

OP posts:
backawayfatty1 · 16/03/2025 23:40

Having been in a similar situation, I would suggest having contraception available. They say they don't want to have sex but from experience, they change their mind quickly when it suits! Better safe than sorry