To think not many MN posters would make good counsellors?

It probably means they disagree with the OP 🤣

I’ve noticed that more and more lately - anyone who gives an alternative view is roundly shouted down and even bullied off a thread.

It’s like certain posters can’t handle an opinion that doesn’t directly align with theirs.

A public forum open to anyone probably isn’t the best place to go when you’re in a really dark place, though.

What is perma arse mode and can you give an example?

A counsellor is someone you open up and talk to about anything in your life , usually without judgement.
There is seldom anyone else you can do that to ime. So possibly people could learn to listen like that even without quals.

So fucking what?

Some people really misunderstand what counsellors / therapists do and while there will undoubtedly be bad ones there are also excellent ones. However those people will get paid for their expertise and probably come to MN to zone out and share cat pics!

I don't know why counsellors get dragged into this thread really as it seems to mostly be a random reflection about MN posters being a bit blunt!

Totally agree - I’ve seen several threads be derailed and become a total bitchfest, including one of my own when I was in a really dark place. Just horrific.

I think it’s quite rare for threads to turn genuinely nasty though.

What does happen is that people post expecting sympathy or validation and then when they don’t get it, they turn snappy and get rude with people who then respond in kind.

I don't think the OP was saying that.
I think she possibly meant some people don't have much empathy for others who may ask for help or advice.
I agree. The times I have seen posters jump in to encourage a wife to leave her husband because she has encountered a problem with him is laughable.

Speak for yourself. Not everyone feels the need to put on an act.

Well yes, but that's you speaking with the voice of experience. Of course, that's partly dependent on age.
I'm sure we could all cringe to remember the hopeless naivety of something we did when younger ( or even recently🙈).
The fact is that the world does contain the naive, the desperate and the malicious and it's not nice when th come together as they occasionally do on Mumsnet.

That’s why I said most and not all…

I do think you have to be incredibly naive to come on a forum like this and think you’re going to get genuine, professional advice though. This is a website that’s constantly in the tabloids and that’s full of trolls and fake drama.

For the vast majority it’s just entertainment and a way of passing the time.

This is often true but not always IMO. I worry about the (possibly naive) posters who really do want advice and have no one else to turn to.

I'm reading the OP differently from the majority. I don't think the question is about counsellors but about whether good advice is generally given on Mumsnet.
IMO there is some really thoughtful, informed and helpful advice but it's the minority.
Some responders seem to write nasty responses to posters' genuine difficulties as a form of entertainment.
Perhaps it's because they don't take the questions seriously?
Honestly, I do find it shocking, as they home in on the OPs' vulnerabilities.
Many of the questions are clearly genuine and written because the poster admits to having no-one to share their difficulty with.
I suspect many posters regret posting and may suffer real psychological harm.
Have there ever been any AIBU posts about posters suffering harm from posting?

I’m a debt counsellor so I can offer specifics on that as to what I’ve worked with clients on but always say that every situation is individual so you need to get specific advice. I’ve been involved in grief counselling too in the past but that is far more about listening combined with sign posting to specific things that could help the individual but even then it’s just a suggestion eg i would give details of support groups, programmes etc. I can also say to a client that x helped another person (anonymously of course) but it is their decision as to whether it’s right for them. I’m no longer involved in that anymore as I found the majority of people seeking help had complex underlying mental health conditions which had nothing to do with the bereavement and I’m not a psychiatrist or PhD in psychology so it’s way above my ability, I don’t want to make things worse! Debt counselling is more contained i suppose

Most posters don’t actually want advice - they want validation or an argument.

Advice is (sometimes, not always) what’s being sought by posters on here, but it’s not what therapists/counsellors are offering!

I think the people who give the best advice are the ones that have had a lot of life experience.
It's obvious from a lot of the responses on here that there is little first hand knowledge.
I personally wouldn't ask for advice on here, but l am aware others can find it helpful.

Thank goodness mumsnet is not full of counsellors! How boring it would be. Instead you get a diverse selection of people’s opinions. Or their similar experiences. Counsellors are very non commital and never say what they really think.
If you want to actively work through some mental health stuff speak to a counsellor, if you want to know what a range of people really think, without a social filter, use mumsnet.

You’re not understanding purpose of therapy — it has little or nothing to do with giving ‘advice’.

I suppose for me the difference is that counsellors seem to put a lot of emphasis on being a changed person as a result of therapy, that to be able to set that aside and speak abruptly to someone seeking advice wouldn’t sit well with me

It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to always be at their best. Counsellors are people too, they have their own problems, issues and biases, they make judgements like everyone else does. They’re trained to understand better what their issues are, but they’ll still have issues. They can be abrupt when their own buttons are pushed, can loose patience and be as arsed as the next person. Why on earth wouldn’t they be.

They are paid to offer a particular service to their clients, that doesn’t mean they don’t genuinely care about their clients but the client only see one part of their counsellor, the part that is a paid professional. They (hopefully) don’t see the counsellors own fear and worries, the things that keep them up at night, in the same way as they don’t see the friend, parent, or lover parts. The paid professional part has no place on mumsnet.

Anyone can say they’re a counsellor on here though - I wouldn’t necessarily believe it 😉

She wanted to talk about the past my childhood how i grow up.
I was not there for that i was there because of a fear that had nothing to do with my past or how i grow up.
But she would not let it go so i told her i would deal with it myself please piss off.
I broke to ribs and smashed the left side of my face in had a fear it would happen again if i ever went out i was becoming agoraphobic this happened when i was 28.
Someone said talk to a counsellor never again.
I recovered on my own.

I do understand that. Anyone can have a bad day. But have to admit some counsellors on here seem to be in perma arse mode, which isn’t particularly encouraging!

Why, out of interest? 🤣