NC for this because it’s quite identifying.
My DSis (mid-30s) has a disability that affects her mobility and some aspects of daily life. It was diagnosed when she was a toddler, and she’s always had medical support for it. But DM has spent her entire life pretending it doesn’t exist. She refused to let DSis use mobility aids when she was younger, insisted she was “just being lazy” when she struggled, and basically gaslit her into believing she wasn’t disabled. DSis has always been quite quiet and went along with it, but now as an adult, she’s starting to really struggle with the impact of not having the right support growing up.
DM still won’t acknowledge it. She gets weirdly defensive if it’s brought up and acts like we’re making a fuss over nothing. She won’t talk about adjustments that could help DSis and acts like it’s all in her head. It’s so frustrating because DSis is now trying to navigate adulthood with a disability she was never allowed to acknowledge, and it’s making life really hard for her.
I’ve tried gently bringing it up with DM, but she either shuts down the conversation or gets huffy and starts on about how she “did her best” and “didn’t want DSis treated differently.” I get that she probably thought she was helping, but the reality is that DSis was treated differently just in a way that made things harder for her.
I don’t know what to do. Has anyone dealt with anything similar? I just want DSis to be able to get the support she needs without DM making everything so difficult. Would love any advice on how to handle this.
TIA.