Shall I just get up and go out?

I am so upset for you. You deserve better op. 💐💐💐

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow. A St Patrick’s Day birthday - extra special!

Don’t let his inadequacies make you doubt yourself. You sound amazing and you have built a brilliant life for you and your children. Only you can decide if he deserves to share that with you.

Treat the whole year as a birthday celebration. Book the cruise and the restaurant and bring your family and friends. Don’t let him taint them for you.

I hope you took the £1000 on your way out!

@wherethewildrosesgrow Thinking of you OP and hoping that your return to work today will, at least, be a distraction for your thoughts. Whether or not you tell any colleagues about his reprehensible behaviour is your decision, but I'm certain, should you do so, you will receive the same understanding and empathy as you have on here. Sending BIG hugs. 🤗

Is your DH so "truly hopeless" that he wouldn't even buy you a card without instruction on which one to buy?

So sorry you had a shot birthday because of your BF. The problem is that he promised you better after your last birthday was a ‘last minute, thoughtless gift’ so he’s on his second chance already and did the grand sum of fuck all. To forgive him now just gives him the green light for years if disappointing you.

when I started to date my now dh, he was utterly shit on my first birthday, he knew I was upset (probably our first hurdle as a couple), and since then he’s been amazing, probably better than me at birthdays. This is what should have happened after ‘last minute voucher gate’ for you.

I agree with pp that you’ve left one awful relationship, to a slightly less than awful relationship. You deserve so much better. Give yourself a belated birthday gift of freedom from mediocre relationships

OP, how old are your children? Did they get you cards/presents?

So, PPs having the emotional intelligence to understand how OP feels and empathising with her would make her feel worse, would it? Have you ever thought how the person you let down felt? You should still cringe about it. And suggesting OP should forgive this man just because you've behaved like him shows you've learned nothing from your own cringe-worthy behaviour. It was her 50th and after all his BS he didn't even buy her a card FFS! 🙄

I don’t care much for birthdays I have to say. I would usually only expect a small gift or lunch out. However having read your thread and the circumstances I don’t blame you for being annoyed. Zero marks for effort from your dp. He should have tried to make you feel a bit special at least.

I just got that! 😂😂😂

If only.

OP’s partner is not in his 20s - I don’t think that your logic makes sense here. And given that he was able to sort gifts well before Mother’s Day and Easter, and bring them to OP’s place rather than keeping them at his, he is clearly capable of being organised when he wants to be. Overthinking is one thing, but the absence of even a card is so disappointing. What would constitute a ‘proper apology’ here?

So sorry he’s hurt you so much, OP. The whole situation sounds bizarre.

It’s one thing to forget or be generally useless, but to have talked it up and made all these suggestions and promises, then not even bothered to get you a card - it’s just weird.

He’s obviously contrite and understands how badly he’s fucked up, but I appreciate why this is hard for you to come back from. As @PeggyMitchellsCameo said, if the gifts he’s pre-bought and stored are for other people, that would be it for me.

OP, I am so, so sorry. The thought of you alone at the pottery class on your 50th birthday is just heartbreaking. I would have come with you!! And I bet all of Mumsnet would have!! 💖

You don't have to settle for this utter shit, you know. You really don't. He's upset you on an incredibly special day, a day you should be cherished and celebrated. You'd be so much better off single than in a "relationship" like this. Ignore crazy posts telling you to forgive him or give him the benefit of the doubt. There is no excuse whatsoever for this.

I think the best guide in a relationship is to pay attention to how the person makes you feel. Don't continue because you've invested time or because sometimes, he makes you laugh, etc. Judge the relationship by its worst times. What's the point of the good stuff if he can do this, too? No relationship should hurt this much for no reason or make you feel this bad, when you have done nothing to deserve it.

He's just another rubbish man who doesn't deserve the gift of having a partner.

This just proves he can do it, he just didn't want to. Which makes it's worse, deliberate and uncaring.

Give yourself the best gift you'll ever get. The chance to find someone who does care about you. Or just life without this cruel man.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I had a little similar with my other half but on a lessor event. I told him it was too late and he respected that. He has since completely upped his game.

I know others have said give your DP another chance but I don’t know that I could. The difference with your situation is that it had all been discussed in advance what you’d like to do etc and it had all been ignored. I just don’t see how a grown adult couldn’t realise that could cause upset. I understand that maybe he felt there was a pressure to live up to the hype around the day but surely doing something even if it doesn’t turn out right is better than nothing.

Sending hugs as it sounds like you’ve been through a lot recently.

No way! That is so incredibly shit of him! 😡
I'm glad you've told him to leave you alone and I hope the idiot stays away. Even if he came up with a perfect gift now, he's still hurt you and he can't undo that. So sorry

Are the gifts for you or for others? If he’s already got something for his mum, he needs to get in the bin.

@MyPeachSnake Your last post was deleted by MN and I've just reported your repeat of it. Don't be so rude and disrespectful to the OP by clogging up her thread with your irrelevant advertising.

I feel for you op, but I think you should allow yourself to forgive him if he apologies properly. Sometimes when i really want to do something special i overthink it and do nothing. I can imagine being him- in fact I remember doing something similar when i was in my 20s. I wanted it to be such a brilliant birthday present I just kind of collapsed and didn’t get anything together. I still cringe when I think of it. I hope you’re ok you have been through a lot and you seem very sad. Maybe all the responses on here have made you feel worse? xxx

I'm so sorry OP.

Fwiw, you sound like an absolute warrior. You have dealt with all this with dignity, I read all your posts. Sorry you had to put up with that on your 50th. It really really hurts when you are asking for so little!! And you made it so clear to him.

I'm 38 and my husband never remembers to do anything in advance of my birthday. My 38th was an improvement on previous ones though. I'm already planning a holiday with friends for my 40th. He may or may not be coming, depending how my 39th goes!

If he’s already bought Easter and Mother’s Day gifts, that must sting and proves this isn’t about decision paralysis as suggested a few posts back. I can understand why you’re feeling so sad and why this is probably the end for you. So sorry he’s made you feel this way. You’re worth so much more.