Shall I just get up and go out?

Surely you've heard of shift work, and that not everyone is at work on a Monday?

Agree about waiting OP, hopefully has something up his sleeve.

Happy birthday for tomorrow OP! It's actually mine tomorrow too! DH has hinted he's bought me gifts but I know he hasn't planned anything. Difficult as his mum lives with us and has advanced dementia so can't be left or really taken out socially. I've taken tomorrow off work, need to pop out anyway and will treat myself to a birthday cake and perhaps flowers from M&S. Still haven't drunk last year's birthday champagne from DH but I'm saving it for the culmination of a very stressful ongoing issue I have. Really not that fussed about tomorrow. Why don't you just ask your DP if he's actually arranged anything and if not tell just tell him he what you want to do?

If you just get up and go out you’re giving him a ready made get out of jail free card! You either need to ask him outright and if there is nothing booked then head out alone or wait and see in the morning.

Either way I don’t blame you for being disappointed. Fingers crossed he’s just winding you up and he has a great day planned.

Of course it's possible to do things spontaneously, I do it all the time

Maybe I'm an anomaly here, but I don't care whether plans were made weeks in advance, the day before or half an hour before, as long as I have a good time and get to spend the day doing something I enjoy.

DH and I often say "let's go out on Sunday" and then decide over coffee where we'll go and when. Same for birthdays, we'll agree to do something special but not decide anything until the day. Maybe we're a bit odd!

OP, be a spoilt princess 👑

He’s clearly not going to spoil you so you’ll need to do it yourself.

If your divorce has come through, does that mean you can now have the life you want without having to accommodate a man? Maybe that might be worth thinking about. Stop giving away yourself and getting nothing back.

Happy birthday for tomorrow 🥂🍾🎂

We're not living in the 90s any more it's virtually impossible to do spontaneous on the day plans these days especially post COVID.

There's not much point pretending he will pull something out of his sleeve when anyone can see he's planned nothing despite making a huge fuss for the past year.

If he's still asking her what she wants to do two days before he's clearly made zero effort to make it special and it's quite reasonable for the OP to be bloody disappointed.

id book something. I don’t think he’s done a thing.

Maybe I'm being too literal, but he hasn't said he's planned anything.

According to the OP, he said "he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc."

That doesn't mean he's booked everything and organised presents in advance, it just means he wants to take her somewhere nice and buy her a nice gift. Both of which can be done last-minute and on the day?

Yes, I read the post. He said he'll take her somewhere special and buy her something nice - that doesn't mean he has to plan everything in stone.

Anyway - OP's birthday isn't until tomorrow, she's just assuming he hasn't done anything and reacting accordingly

It's pretty low to continually lie to someone that you've gone to all this effort and been planning things when actually you've done nothing of the sort.
If he really has done nothing then he's just paying lip service and it tells you all you need to know about who he really is.
Value yourself more and raise your expectations of how others should treat you.

Did you read the post ? He has been giving it the big I am for a whole YEAR. Who does that ?
Why lead someone along like that . If it was true it’s terrible .

I’d hang fire with those thoughts untill tomorrow but if all he has been doing for a year is lip service . I think OP deserves better. .

You're jumping the gun massively. It's not even your birthday yet.

From my viewpoint, I wouldn't be making massive set-in-stone plans for someone else's birthday - I would keep the day aside and free, see how they felt when we got up and decide on the day. That's always how things have been done in our family and I don't think it means any of us don't care?

Sorry fellow Pisces (it's my birthday tomorrow too). The trouble is we're natural doormats. Far too accommodating for everyone else and always putting ourselves last. I thought he might be pretending not to have done anything for you but that doesn't sound likely now. I know it's not the same but take yourself out if only to embarrass him. Anyway, I'm sending you birthday hugs for what it's worth.

@wherethewildrosesgrow you would have to be a really really shit person to do this OP
It’s pretty sick if it’s true . In the sense are you sure he’s not playing it down .
Although Tomorow is your birthday do you not both work and this would be your birthday weekend ? It really depends if you would both need days off work booked ( to go so where on a Monday ) I’m sure a restaurant be easy enough.

I am hanging on to the idea that he must be playing it down .

Answer to your question I’d go out alone and tbh id struggle to come back.

It doesn't sound like he is one with a poker face and would be bluffing. just to surprise you tomorrow. Unfortunately.

How do you know he hasn't? How does she know he hasn't? The way it was worded was he had said that he still had 'stuff' to do for her Birthday. Doesn't mean he hasn't done 'some stuff' but still had 'other stuff' to sort.

And how can you possibly know it was an attempt for him to her to say 'don't bother'

People so quick to assume the worst and that he is a waste of space and she should bin him.

Birthday is tomorrow. At least wait to see what happens before assuming he has made no effort. Then if he if it does turn out that he hasn't, that is the time to be upset, take some action, feel let down and possibly end the relationship if that is what she wants to do.

Happy birthday for tomorrow, I would go and do something you will enjoy today. Your significant other has had plenty of time to organise a special day.... enjoy yourself x

Book to go to a spa and get treatments and ask him to treat you, before you say what or how many treatments you get. I would not accept being treated like this. Obviously he doesn't get how important this is for you and has missed all the hints.

Wish posters wouldn't do the 'ooh maybe he's got a surprise planned' when he clearly hasn't. He said yesterday he'd got nothing organised, which was clearly his attempt to nudge OP into saying 'oh, it's fine, you don't need to do anything even though you've promised for months you will' 🙄

Hope you've gone out or are going OP. Tell him he's let you down after all the empty promises. And bin him

I think you may have a small chance that he has planned something but is trying to create the element of surprise for you. But I doubt it.

In which case I’d be getting a one way ticket out of there (as a pp mentioned).

I don’t understand why women finally get the courage to leave a crap relationship/husband and then fall in to another one.
Show yourself a bit of love, for heavens sake.

I agree with the others.

• He doesn't value you.
• He's selfish.
• YOU need to go out on your birthday on your own.
• Do lovely things that you want to do, for yourself.

And don't tell him what you're doing. Just disappear. He'll work it out throughout the day. And if he does surprise you and pull something out of the bag (metaphorically) you can always excuse your day out as an extra shift at work or an essential task that you'd forgotten. BUT he's not going to have anything planned, is he?

And a big Happy Birthday chick. Love yourself the way you deserve. 💖

Oh yes, hopefully he will surprise you with something special x