Shall I just get up and go out?

If they are special & you care, yes you do.

Opening post also states… Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.

I was surprised when you said you'd been together for four years, his behaviour seems more in keeping with a very long term relationship when you're part of the wallpaper. This does not bode well.

Definitely go out tomorrow, wherever you want and be gone for a long time. Don't tell him anything about it when you get home late at night. Don't answer his calls (if he makes any) during the day.

Are you off work tomorrow? Are you expecting him to spring something on you tomorrow?

Well, @wherethewildrosesgrow time really will tell.

if you do wake up tomorrow to pretty much nothing then YOU need to get yourself up, go out and do something you want to do, and while you’re at it, think through how you’re going to give yourself the biggest gift ever - self worth - and end it with this guy

you deserve to be cherished and valued and this guy just doesn’t do this.

Could he have planned a surprise party?

He's full of shit, and he can't be arsed. If he'd made it clear that he doesn't make a fuss for birthdays, that would be okay.

Instead, he's got your hopes up and pretended he gives a shit. So he's stopped you being able to make other arrangements with friends etc.

Plan a day out, or even go away tonight and leave him behind. He's a selfish twat. And don't ever make an effort for his birthday, as he obviously doesn't think it's important

No I'm genuinely wondering why you don't think you're worth someone making an effort for? Surely by saying you're an anomaly you must see it's not the norm to have to plan your own birthday.

Such a wise post.

I think this deep desire to no longer wait for Prince Charming to run the show is why OP posted here before her birthday. I think that, deep down, she wants to finally be in control of her experience and not waiting for someone else to treat her.

I'm out. You're just here to argue with me.

Yes, an anomaly because you haven't understood any of it.

Now I feel like you're just being deliberately obtuse. It's really not normal for someone to arrange their own birthday even more so when they have family saying the will do something special for it. Do you buy your own present and card too? Why don't you think you're worth someone making an effort?

I honestly don't find it odd at all, it's always been normal for me to decide on the day unless it's a specific activity that's been requested and that needs to be booked in advance.

Like I said, I'm clearly an anomaly so I'm not debating it anymore.

It is odd though to have no plan for a big birthday. Unkind

Happy birthday for tomorrow 💐❤
Have a lovely day out, and maybe spend a little time considering why you think you don't deserve better than this inconsiderate pos.

You haven't understood any of OPs posts

I'd let him know loud and clear how disappointed you are that after all the promises he made he's done f-all.

Take yourself out and treat yourself tomorrow, maybe organise something with a friend (possibly for another day) as part of your birthday treat and if you decide to stay together make damn sure you do nothing whatsoever for his next birthday.
Happy birthday for tomorrow

@TwentyTwentyFive I'm clearly an anomaly so I'm not going to keep debating it - I just don't see where he's lied. He hasn't actually said that he'd booked some big fancy experience or anything, just that he'd take her to do something special for her birthday.

There are loads of nice, special things you can do spontaneously, including days out, trips to attractions and meals. As I said earlier, DH and I often decide last minute to go out and we've never had any issue getting into a restaurant or attraction.

But like I said, I'm clearly the odd one out here!

It's possible but not if you're looking for something special. For a trip to Costa or a walk etc sure but not if you want to: eat out somewhere that needs booking, go away somewhere, have a party, book an experience, visit many attractions or basically for the vast majority of things you'd arrange for a big birthday.

The OP I'm sure wouldn't give a flying fuck if the plans had not been made months in advance if anything had been booked and he hadn't spent the best part of a year telling her that he was planning something special. What's the point in saying what do you want to do to her a few days before when he's spent 12 months saying he would make it special. Why shouldn't she be disappointed he's spent a year lying to her?

Wow some low standards on here.

OP - unfortunately it does sound like nothing is planned, if I had planned a surprise for DH I would at least say keep X time free. Hopefully he has and you will be surprised tomorrow but if not personally I would definitely say something.

DH used to be really good with birthdays, Xmas, mothers day. Over the years he got lazy and thoughtless with it, it was upsetting as with xmas/bdays I do all the organising for everyone else so he only has me to worry about. One year I had enough, he did a couple of things that almost came across as spiteful and I pulled him up on it. I don't want expensive stuff but to put no effort in at all is not acceptable IMO. He did take it on board.

On MN if you want any effort made for you it seems to be a no-no and you're greedy etc. Not sure why as in RL it isnt that way IME.

You deserve a fuss to be made on big birthdays, even more so if hes made out that he has things planned and said he'll make it special.

Or Annual Leave as a concept?

From what OP has said, he hasn't made any promises - he's just said that they'd do something special?

You don't need to book things weeks in advance for them to be special.

Give him until tomorrow and see if he’s made any plans if he hasn’t and asks you what to do , I would be honest and just end the relationship- may seem dramatic to some but it’s clearly a pattern. Then take yourself out and enjoy yourself - my best birthdays have been spent alone in the day doing things I like then with family in the evening 🤣 x

Oh hell no! Keeping the day free is the bare minimum. He’s been giving it the big talk for brownie points & sounds like he’s failed to do anything.

I haaaaaate empty promises

If you have the day off and want to spend your birthday doing something fun then I would tell him that outright, as in ' I want to go out for the day tomorrow, have you made any plans or shall I organise it myself?' And get a definite answer, after that it's up to you if you want to go out on your own or arrange something you do together.
Just don't wait til tomorrow night hoping he will surprise you and have wasted the day.
I wouldn't demand gifts, but I wouldn't let him be responsible for how you spend the day.
After the fact you can assess whether the effort/carried he shows is something you can tolerate or if it is ltb worthy.