Shall I just get up and go out?

Happy Birthday, @wherethewildrosesgrow .

You deserve so much better. 💐

Happy Birthday OP! 🎉 🎂
I hope you’ve enjoyed your pottery class.

Good to know that you are able to use the edit function .

All the best to you.

How long have you been with him op?

you booked the week off of your birthday during term time with no set plans and you have three school aged kids?

wasn’t that a bit of a waste when I’m guessing as a single mother, a week’s holiday is precious and usually saved up to coincide with school hols?

Normally, I'd say you were being a bit over-the-top with your upset, but, actually, knowing that you've made it very clear what kind of thing you'd like to do on your birthday, and being that it's a 'big' one, I'd be pretty unimpressed in your shoes.
He knew this was a big deal for you, he knew that you had some expectations (not even massively unreasonable ones!), he knew you'd be likely to be upset with no action, and he still thought it was OK to not plan anything for you.
The card thing, I'd be OK with that, I've always thought cards are a bit pointless unless you're the type who likes to save them, but the not even getting you the present you'd given him lots of notice about is unforgivable in my opinion.
Why even bother getting you to book time off together and then not bother doing anything?! Ridiculous. You could have spent the day with your sister, doing what you'd like to be doing.
I hope you've had a good day anyway, but I'd be seriously rethinking whether I wanted to be a relationship with somebody who just couldn't be bothered to make the effort. Happy Birthday by the way! I had my 50th last year and the last 11 months have been some of the happiest ever after a crappy few years before. I hope you'll be saying the same in a year's time.

I don’t celebrate birthdays much and I’m usually the first to say someone is being OTT for a thread like this.
I think you’ve also jumped the gun and assumed he’s got nothing planned before even knowing it.

But if he genuinely hasn’t got you anything or made any plans for your big 40th then I would actually end the relationship over it. Which I never thought I’d hear myself say.

Oh that’s not good.
And considering the current climate and the amount of people worried about all types of disability, appalling really.
Not funny.

A polite request to consider your wording is not 'policing'.

My post is to try to assist the OP with the problem she posted, based on my life experience, not to cater to what "offends you" on a word-by-word basis. If you have a problem with anything I say, you're free to report it and the mods can handle it, according to their opinion of what's okay and what's not, not yours. Otherwise, do not police me. I'm not interested.

I like men with follow through - when they say they are going to do something for you then they do it. Now my husband doesn't make much of a fuss about birthdays but if I gave him a choice of 4 activities and intimated that one of the four would be wonderful and I wanted a fuss, he'd get on and do it. He wants to make me happy.

I just cringed hearing you'd done 10 hours overtime to pay for the materials for his birthday and then worked another 14 hours creating it.

He promised you all the things about a wonderful day and did nothing whatsoever. He insisted you not book anything because he was going to arrange it. You missed out on organising something that would have been fun with family and friends.

I would be raging and there would be nothing passive about it in the face of such utterly appalling behaviour. I'd point out all the above. I'd be suggesting where he could put those binoculars. I'd also be very thankful I wasn't living with him. I just don't think it is worth continuing the relationship. He hasn't got your back as they say.

Your last two sentences are incredibly offensive. Please consider changing your wording.

Happy Birthday OP! 🎂

I’m sorry he’s let you down, but I think your plan for a pottery day and a meal sounds lovely and I hope you enjoy it.

Don’t read this next bit today. Go out and enjoy yourself. Have a nice lunch. Paint colourful pottery that will make you smile in years to come.

Tomorrow or whenever you’re ready to start thinking about what you want with him, here’s my take:
His behaviour over this sounds like a mini version of future faking. He tells you he’s going to do this great thing for you for a year and gets to make you feel like he values you and is prepared to do more for you than is the case. For a year you respond to him as though he’s the sort of man who will do all these things for you, and he likes that, he likes what it does for him without him actually having to be the sort of man he’s pretended he is. He may have thought he was on thin ice after the last birthday and this was his way to try and negate that and keep you thinking of him as more in love with you than he is. I do think it’s easy to fail to deliver big plans, but he hasn’t just done that, he’s failed to deliver anything at all. That’s hurtful and he knew it (or he wouldn’t have been making all these promises over the last year). He knew it at Christmas when he brought up your ideas again. He knew it last weekend when he did whatever he did instead of buying you a present and booking a trip. He knew it on Saturday when he thought about getting the binoculars too late. And all those times he didn’t even go out and get you a card. He’s shown you who he really is when it comes to lifting you up and treating you. Maybe he’s really stepped up in other ways, some people do find celebrations like birthdays hard because of their own poor childhoods and the like. But most of the time someone who does what your DP has done is just not into a mutually loving relationship, they are looking for maximum return with minimum input regardless of how that makes you feel.

Happy 50th roses.
I hope you had a lovely day at the pottery studio and enjoy your meal tonight with the DC.
I sincerely hope you don't invite your 'D'P.

Plan a day ,he can pay for or even share with you ,in case he really has booked a table somewhere nice or organised a party. Failing that , enjoy the day yourself. Please don't marry in haste !, You say you are just out of a bad divorce which has cost you dearly.! Better to be without a partner than with the wrong man! Happy birthday when it comes!

Not only has he not listened to what is important to you, to give you a wonderful day, but hes also lied to you by making promises he is either not willing or able to keep.

I think one can be forgiveable, once. I absolutely would not accept poor treatment as a pattern of behaviour. But being lied to, repeatedly over the months, that's an absolute no.

Have a wonderful 50th all on your own. Get rid of this loser tomorrow.

Oh bless you, that’s so hurtful. 💐

To not do anything at all for your 50th is not thoughtless, it’s deliberate. Even my autistic daughter knows you mark birthdays and that big birthdays need something a bit ‘more’.

On the extreme off chance he’s planning a surprise - this is exactly why I don’t like them. Until the surprise is revealed, they can leave people feeling hurt, miserable and sometimes embarrassed when other people ask them what they’re doing and they have to say nothing.

I hope you enjoyed your art day as much as possible but I know you’ll have spent most of the day in your head evaluating things. Hope you find a resolution.

I really think you should end it- he is showing you really clearly that he doesn't even consider you

He knows it was important and what is worse is that he has spent time lying that he would do something

If you stay, he has trained you to accept cruelty

He didn't even get you a card! That's shocking.

First of all, wishing you a very happy 50th birthday (in spire of your OH’s failure to do anything to mark the day).

I would be spending the day doing what makes me happy, and I’d definitely not be inviting him to join you.

I do think you need to have a serious conversation with him (maybe not today) and explain how all this has made you feel. Remind him of all the times he’s talked about how he is going to make your 50th special, off all the occasions you’ve given him ideas about things you could do together, gifts you might like. Tell him his failure to put his words into action make you feel undervalued, let down, sad, ignored.

Id be telling him this isn’t about spending ££££ or having a big splashy day, it’s about having your supposed partner care for you and about you, listening to you and hearing what matters to you, and showing you that you’re important to him.

I would also be emphasising that he has had plenty of time to arrange a gift / outing, no matter how low key. After all, he has known it’s your birthday for a long time!

Happy Birthday, hope you’re having a nice day! Take the kids out this evening & just do something you’d like to do!

If he hasn’t booked/planned anything I wouldn’t include him no

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow , I hope you do have a really lovely day 💐

Tomorrow though, I would seriously consider your relationship. He has known for a long time that your birthday is coming, and made many promises.

He has shown you no love or respect today. That's not a partner. You don't even live together yet, and this is how he treats you?

He's showing you that you are not on his list of priorities, and frankly, you deserve much better. You have just got out of a bad marriage, and are probably still emotionally vulnerable. Don't be too quick to saddle yourself with another man who treats you badly.

I've been in your position, and can tell you that if you stay with him, it absolutely won't get any better. He will continue to do the bare minimum he thinks he can get away with, you will be the one putting in all the time and effort, and eventually you will leave anyway.

I would exit this relationship as swiftly as possible, no need for an argument, just tell him it's not working for you. Focus on yourself, and building your life how you want it. You are absolutely right not to put up with this crap. Stay strong, you really don't need him.

Happy Birthday OP. I hope you have a nice day and that he does have something special planned. But if not, have a good think if this is what you want. Someone that disappoints you isn't the one.

Happy 50th Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 💐

So sorry your DP is pathetically thoughtless, it’s shit when you don’t feel considered or worth the effort. Decide what’s best for you and go for it. Weed out the takers in life. Shine in your lovely dress and shoes and I hope you have a fab time at the pottery painting up a storm and enjoy your family meal (-/+ ‘D’P) xx