Shall I just get up and go out?

No one is saying he hasn't acted really badly, he needs to be a lot more thoughtful in regard to his partner.
But he is human, and human beings are not perfect.
The outrage of some on here who have painted him out to be the devil incarnate himself, is ridiculous.
I wonder how many who are encouraging the OP to dump him are in relationships themselves, possibly not many...because guess what, relationships have up's and downs, sometimes people act badly, and sometimes people forgive them.

I have no idea what the OP will do. She said she was happy in the relationship before this, so whether this is a dealbreaker or not, only she knows.

I hope she won't be persuaded to go against what may be her best interests just because the majority on here are encouraging her to get rid.

No one is saying he hasn't acted really badly, he needs to be a lot more thoughtful in regard to his partner.
But he is human, and human beings are not perfect.
The outrage of some on here who have painted him out to be the devil incarnate himself, is ridiculous.
I wonder how many who are encouraging the OP to dump him are in relationships themselves, possibly not many...because guess what, relationships have up's and downs, sometimes people act badly, and sometimes people forgive them.

I have no idea what the OP will do. She said she was happy in the relationship before this, so whether this is a dealbreaker or not, only she knows.

I hope she won't be persuaded to go against what may be her best interests just because the majority on here are encouraging her to get rid.

Implying that if she did 'get past it', she is not a 'self respecting woman'...you have no idea how patronising and pompous you sound have you? 🙄

Or, the more likely story, it's made her realise the other ways he disrespects her.

There is not a snowflakes chance in hell that DH would a) be rubbish about my birthday, even though we never make a big deal, he always acknowledges it and, b) mess up and then make it up to me by doing a worse job. Because he loves and respects me.

Feeling like he can treat a partner this way is a very clear sign of disrespect. It's up to OP to decide whether she wants to get past it. And most self respecting women wouldn't want to live a life being treated like this.

For all we know he shows her lots of love and respect in many other ways.
If OP was happy in the relationship, which has lasted for four years, my guess is he does.

Based on the information we have, which part of his actions suggest he has love and respect for OP?

The lack of thought for her birthday last year?
The promise to make it up and failure to follow through?
The lies for the last year about his plans?
Trying to buy her off with a £1k in cash?
Buying her a last minute cake made with things he knows she dislikes?
The advance buying of gifts for other people in his life he is storing at her home?
The refusal to leave her house when she asked him to?

Go on. Which show love and respect?

I'm not apologising for him, I agree, he has acted in an awful manner towards the OP.
My point is that people are human, if the OP was happy with him before, perhaps she can get round this, perhaps she can't, that's up to her to make that choice.
Reading countless women telling her to dump him, he hates her, has no respect, he deliberately humiliated her, and so on...doesn't help her at all, it's just faceless women venting.

And he spent a YEAR in the run up to this birthday - which, by the way, was a special birthday to OP - banging on about how he was going to fix how crap he he was last year, how he understood the importance of the birthday to OP, how he wanted to make it up to her.

The salient detail is definitely ‘again’.

Stop apologising for him. He’s a complete arsehole.

And he spent a YEAR in the run up to this birthday - which, by the way, was a special birthday to OP - banging on about how he was going to fix how crap he he was last year, how he understood the importance of the birthday to OP, how he wanted to make it up to her.

The salient detail is definitely ‘again’.

Stop apologising for him. He’s a complete arsehole.

Not really.
The OP has made it clear that normally birthdays are not a big deal.
This one was, obviously, and he let her down badly.
Before this happened, she was happy with him.

Sometimes people think - no-one's perfect, he's human, but I am not prepared to be treated this way again.
The salient detail is "again".

Sometimes people accept others are not perfect, and work on it.

Sometimes people have no boundaries.
sometimes people revel in unhappiness.
sometimes people are scared to be alone.

No one is saying he hasn't acted really badly, he needs to be a lot more thoughtful in regard to his partner.
But he is human, and human beings are not perfect.
The outrage of some on here who have painted him out to be the devil incarnate himself, is ridiculous.
I wonder how many who are encouraging the OP to dump him are in relationships themselves, possibly not many...because guess what, relationships have up's and downs, sometimes people act badly, and sometimes people forgive them.

I have no idea what the OP will do. She said she was happy in the relationship before this, so whether this is a dealbreaker or not, only she knows.

I hope she won't be persuaded to go against what may be her best interests just because the majority on here are encouraging her to get rid.

No one is saying he hasn't acted really badly, he needs to be a lot more thoughtful in regard to his partner.
But he is human, and human beings are not perfect.
The outrage of some on here who have painted him out to be the devil incarnate himself, is ridiculous.
I wonder how many who are encouraging the OP to dump him are in relationships themselves, possibly not many...because guess what, relationships have up's and downs, sometimes people act badly, and sometimes people forgive them.

I have no idea what the OP will do. She said she was happy in the relationship before this, so whether this is a dealbreaker or not, only she knows.

I hope she won't be persuaded to go against what may be her best interests just because the majority on here are encouraging her to get rid.

But he did it last year too, and promised better this year. Barring some drip feed of him being ND or having MH issues he’s just a useless cock who manages to buy gifts for everyone but OP.

Not in Mumsnetland.😆

Have you never had the experience of putting off a decision because you want it to be the exact right thing and then realising you’ve left it all too
late? Given how upset he is and wanting to make it right I’d definitely give him a chance to do that. I mean, if you want out of the relationship then fine, no excuse needed. if it is only the birthday then yes it’s shit but it’s totally recoverable.

Right at the start of her first post, OP says Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.

This was the chance to make it right.

Have you never had the experience of putting off a decision because you want it to be the exact right thing and then realising you’ve left it all too
late? Given how upset he is and wanting to make it right I’d definitely give him a chance to do that. I mean, if you want out of the relationship then fine, no excuse needed. if it is only the birthday then yes it’s shit but it’s totally recoverable.

Have you never had the experience of putting off a decision because you want it to be the exact right thing and then realising you’ve left it all too
late? Given how upset he is and wanting to make it right I’d definitely give him a chance to do that. I mean, if you want out of the relationship then fine, no excuse needed. if it is only the birthday then yes it’s shit but it’s totally recoverable.