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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 17/03/2025 18:24

pineapplecrashed · 17/03/2025 18:18

Well he certainly didn’t make her day any better. A lot worse in fact.

Isn’t that what it comes down to?

He was a thoughtless twit, I understand that she is very upset, who wouldn't be?
Is a man being a thoughtless twit on one occasion, when he is otherwise a good partner, reason to think he hates her, reason to dump him?

I don't think so, but then, I don't live in mumsnet fantasy land.

BigHeadBertha · 17/03/2025 18:23

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:22

Glad you're happy to admit your stalker status.

Interesting that you wanted to block me for disagreeing with you over the course of two or three posts though. Do you not enjoy debate? Forums may not be for you.

Yes Ma'am.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 17/03/2025 18:22

What's he like normally? I find it hard to believe that a nice guy would behave like this. He's made so many false promises - is this something he does?

I wouldn't pay for a meal for him tonight - no way. He could come along if he was going to pay for you too, but if you are going to have to pay for yourself then better to do it without having to look at him.

Has he moved into your place?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:22

BigHeadBertha · 17/03/2025 18:20

Yes Ma'am.

Glad you're happy to admit your stalker status.

Interesting that you wanted to block me for disagreeing with you over the course of two or three posts though. Do you not enjoy debate? Forums may not be for you.

RockyRogue1001 · 17/03/2025 18:21

I hope you've had a lovely day.
Happy birthday 🎈

BigHeadBertha · 17/03/2025 18:20

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:20

Oh was it me you were asking about blocking earlier? Or are you just stalking me because you have a need to attack people?

Yes Ma'am.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:20

BigHeadBertha · 17/03/2025 18:18

Congratulations on your promotion to Moderator.

Oh was it me you were asking about blocking earlier? Or are you just stalking me because you have a need to attack people?

Namerequired · 17/03/2025 18:19

Happy 50th birthday 🎉 Did he not come through at all? My oh is useless at stuff like this. Hope you enjoyed your day.

BigHeadBertha · 17/03/2025 18:18

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:04

And yet what you're doing is judging OP for taking a week of annual leave in term time when she has kids and for having a man living in her house when that's not the case.

Be kind or be quiet.

Congratulations on your promotion to Moderator.

pineapplecrashed · 17/03/2025 18:18

NovemberMorn · 17/03/2025 18:13

OFGS....the usual cries of Dump him, he hates you, always come up when someone posts about a thoughtless DP.
She has said she is happy in the relationship, why should she dump him?

OK, he has been incredibly thoughtless, sometimes people are, is it enough to end an otherwise happy relationship? No.

Just make sure he suffers for a while... and I really hope OP had a lovely day in spite of him, x

Well he certainly didn’t make her day any better. A lot worse in fact.

Isn’t that what it comes down to?

Peacockcolours · 17/03/2025 18:16

When people show you who they are believe them. You’re worth more. Start afresh . Sending hugs

ilovesushi · 17/03/2025 18:14

Happy 50th!!!!!

I hate it when people make false promises, you look forwards to something, and then feel like a fool that you were so emotionally invested when they don't follow through, and clearly didn't care about it as much as you did. Very very disappointing, and enraging.

I was 50 last year and following the example of one of my oldest friends, I decided to have a year of celebrating my birthday. I had a small family celebration on the day then later in the week, I went on a boat trip down the river spotting birds and seals. It wasn't something I would ever usually do, but I loved it. I didn't get the promotion I was hoping for at work, so weekends abroad weren't really on the cards, but I still managed to do lots of fun things.

You have a whole year to do wonderful things. Maybe with your partner, maybe without. Maybe he's crap at birthdays but generally okay, maybe this is a sign of general crapiness. Whatever it is, you can still have a great birthday year. xxx

NovemberMorn · 17/03/2025 18:13

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/03/2025 17:57

It really is a thing with some men. It's like they get pleasure from treating your birthday with as much contempt as possible. This is just unforgivable, considering it's OP's 50th, too. I guess he's just not that happy that OP survived long enough to celebrate her 50th! Because that's what a loved one is saying when they ignore your birthday...they're not actually happy that you're here, otherwise they'd celebrate the day you were born. 🤬

Treating your birthday like it's nothing is a massive, massive neg. And he poured as much salt in the wound as possible by raising your expectations. This is how someone who hates you would treat you.

See it for what it is, OP.

I'd leave it a couple of weeks and then break up with him by telling him that you just don't fancy him anymore. Kick him where it hurts. Anyway, it must surely be true, after this. Although, I'm not sure I could hold in my temper. I'd probably start a massive row with him and dump him, saying "I'm sure you're not upset since you quite obviously hate me."

OFGS....the usual cries of Dump him, he hates you, always come up when someone posts about a thoughtless DP.
She has said she is happy in the relationship, why should she dump him?

OK, he has been incredibly thoughtless, sometimes people are, is it enough to end an otherwise happy relationship? No.

Just make sure he suffers for a while... and I really hope OP had a lovely day in spite of him, x

Rm2018 · 17/03/2025 18:07

Hope youre ok and did something nice. I would throw this one back hes useless

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:04

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:03

Shitty boyfriend
throwing out promises
failing to deliver

And yet what you're doing is judging OP for taking a week of annual leave in term time when she has kids and for having a man living in her house when that's not the case.

Be kind or be quiet.

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:03

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:02

Have you read any of this thread?

Shitty boyfriend
throwing out promises
failing to deliver

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:02

Well staying overnight
each to their own
does he have kids op?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:02

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:01

Well yes

but as a single parent… the idea of booking a week off during term time with no plans aside to spend it with my boyfriend, when we’re in pretty crap financial straits…. intriguing

Have you read any of this thread?

babasaclover · 17/03/2025 18:01

@wherethewildrosesgrowplease tell us how your day went? Hoping you made it great for yourself (though you shouldn’t have to)

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:01

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:00

I meant the "usually saved up for school holidays". Do you know that their dad doesn't have them? Or whether they have holiday clubs they enjoy? Or grandparents, aunts, uncles etc that get involved? Friends that there's arrangements with. Flexible working? The kids are of an age they don't need constant supervision and so she could work from home (if possible). Works term time only?

Just a few guesses off the top of my head as to why a person wouldn't need to save all their annual leave for school holidays.

Well yes

but as a single parent… the idea of booking a week off during term time with no plans aside to spend it with my boyfriend, when we’re in pretty crap financial straits…. intriguing

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:01

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:00

So less than 4 years and her boyfriend already living with her three young children? In her house I suspect. And she’s subbing him.

She's also stated that they don't live together...

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:00

IWillJustSayThis · 17/03/2025 17:58

The OP stated in the first post how long her and her partner have been together for.

So less than 4 years and her boyfriend already living with her three young children? In her house I suspect. And she’s subbing him.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 18:00

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 17:57

single parent of 3 young children books one week off during term time with her boyfriend, with no plans aside from hints of “something” related to her birthday

yes, hands up… I’m intrigued!

I meant the "usually saved up for school holidays". Do you know that their dad doesn't have them? Or whether they have holiday clubs they enjoy? Or grandparents, aunts, uncles etc that get involved? Friends that there's arrangements with. Flexible working? The kids are of an age they don't need constant supervision and so she could work from home (if possible). Works term time only?

Just a few guesses off the top of my head as to why a person wouldn't need to save all their annual leave for school holidays.

Justlovedogs · 17/03/2025 18:00

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow I hope you enjoyed the pottery class.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 17/03/2025 17:59

wherethewildrosesgrow · 17/03/2025 17:44

Unfortunately I can’t book holidays in school holidays, as I work in the leisure industry, but I only work 3 days, and I can often work six days together, then have a lengthy time off, it’s the only job I can get locally that fits in the school day.

What happened in the end op? Did he really not plan anything, he wasn’t bluffing?