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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
Devianinc · 17/03/2025 22:39

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:16

Or a birthday shag? 🫣

(Actually, that would be bloody hilarious if that was his plan!)

Ewwww, from someone who doesn’t who doesn’t prioritize her. No thanks

MadCatHag · 17/03/2025 22:22

So sad for you. Being useless at birthdays is one thing but going on and on about how he was going to make it special and then completely failing is verging on abusive, at least provocative. I wouldn't be able to let go of that very easily.

Northernbychoice · 17/03/2025 22:19

Happy Birthday, I hope you had a lovely day in the end.

ChaliceinWonderland · 17/03/2025 22:08

Hope he surprised you! Or you had a lovely day by yourself x

Horses7 · 17/03/2025 22:04

Happy Birthday, sorry it’s been such a let down.
You are being treated badly and deserve better.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 17/03/2025 22:03

Happy birthday, I hope you enjoyed your day regardless 🥳

Cornflowers35 · 17/03/2025 21:37

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow

I hope you had a fun day at the pottery studio and you've done something lovely with your DC this evening.

I'm hoping your Dsis and you have the best day tomorrow,

You certainly deserve it, 💐

Zonder · 17/03/2025 21:37

I would be heartbroken to have absolutely nothing done by him for my big birthday, especially after you made an effort for his.

I hope he had a surprise up his sleeve.

HonoraBridge · 17/03/2025 21:33

Happy birthday, OP. I hope you have had a good day despite your boyfriend. He sounds extremely odd. He talked up your birthday and then did absolutely nothing. It’s emotional abuse really.

EmmaM84 · 17/03/2025 21:31

Uurgh I'm really angry for you. Was hoping he had indeed booked a surprise and organised child pickup secretly. Or presented you with plans for a surprise weekend away. Its the hyping up beforehand then nothing. I'd have the major ick now if I were you. Hope you booked a meal without him tonight

Truthlikeness · 17/03/2025 21:29

I hope you had a lovely day today. For a decade birthday you get at least a month's worth of celebrations so this is just the beginning. 😄 For my 50th last year I did lots of smaller things which worked out really well as I had more time to talk to people at the events and got to do a few things I'd always wanted to do.

HallidayJones6779 · 17/03/2025 21:24

Happy birthday OP. I hope you had a lovely day - even if you had to organise it for yourself! I hope he feels really guilty; I’d be so cross with him. But I do hope you managed to forget about him and enjoy yourself today xxx

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:16

Itiswhysofew · 17/03/2025 21:15

Not even a card😞

Happy birthday 🎂

Or a birthday shag? 🫣

(Actually, that would be bloody hilarious if that was his plan!)

Itiswhysofew · 17/03/2025 21:15

Not even a card😞

Happy birthday 🎂

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:14

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 21:09

I just wanted to say that the clear autocorrect in this has made me smile!

It was deliberate on my part. A not-uncommon phrase here. 🇨🇦
I wanted to match the oft-used Christ on a bike 😁

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 21:09

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:05

Jesus Christmas @wherethewildrosesgrow
If nothing is planned by now then your next move must be to get out. Why is the bar so bloody low after all you've been through?

I just wanted to say that the clear autocorrect in this has made me smile!

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 17/03/2025 21:07

Happy birthday OP 🎂 I hope you was able to make it a special day for yourself xx

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:05

Jesus Christmas @wherethewildrosesgrow
If nothing is planned by now then your next move must be to get out. Why is the bar so bloody low after all you've been through?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 17/03/2025 21:04

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:00

So less than 4 years and her boyfriend already living with her three young children? In her house I suspect. And she’s subbing him.

Suggest you read before writing your fantasy post

LaaLaaLady · 17/03/2025 21:03

It's 22.02 in my country. I hope your silence these past few hours is because he's done something for you that you wanted and are presently enjoying. Let us all know. Happy birthday lovely 🌹

whynotwhatknot · 17/03/2025 21:00

wherethewildrosesgrow · 17/03/2025 09:04

He specifically told me not to book anything, he wanted to give me a day I deserved, I gave him at least four different ideas.
He thought about those, and said they didn’t seem enough, they were ok, but he wanted to add/build on these, so I was thinking maybe not just the river cruise, but maybe lunch somewhere too, as well as the evening meal, hence the dress.
Anyway, I’ve just dropped the children at school, I’m back home about to put on my dress and make up (bit much for the school run),then I will just leave.
The children made me some cards over breakfast, and I was fetched a yogurt and banana for breakfast.
He’s up, he’s said Happy Birthday, but no card, no plans mentioned for either the day or the evening.
I’m going to try get into the restaurant that was discussed, would you book a place for him?
I don’t know what to do, I just feel dead.

happy birthday op hope you enjoe your pottery an te day wasnt a total bust

my husband and dont get anyting for each oter anymore he doesnt do empty promises though which would annoy me more-altoug i was also 50 this year an he just said buy what you want

you either need to say how you feel or accept this is how it is

Crankyoldwoman · 17/03/2025 20:51

HAB75 · 17/03/2025 19:47

I can see this from his side. You must have really built this up - and I can easily understand why - but you kept giving him options. Mine just cannot cope with options at all. Options result in nothing here too - lickety spit. Options to my chap's ear sound like "she just hasn't made up her mind" and "how the hell can I possibly choose?". So while I completely understand how you feel, both in the run up and now, I can also see it from his perspective. Tell him now what you want to do and to receive - it isn't too late to save this - and you can have your day and a great story for the future. And remember, options sound like "she doesn't yet know what the hell she wants" to some ears.... Don't bin him over this one transgression, not unless there is a lot else you're not happy with.

@HAB75 He did nothing last year and said he would make this year special, he has done nothing again but bullshit her, nasty nasty man, don't make excuses for others partners as OP has already stated everything he fails at. Your partner you understand, OP'S partner is an absolute bastard!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/03/2025 20:51

NovemberMorn · 17/03/2025 18:13

OFGS....the usual cries of Dump him, he hates you, always come up when someone posts about a thoughtless DP.
She has said she is happy in the relationship, why should she dump him?

OK, he has been incredibly thoughtless, sometimes people are, is it enough to end an otherwise happy relationship? No.

Just make sure he suffers for a while... and I really hope OP had a lovely day in spite of him, x

OFGS, how can you have a happy, healthy relationship with someone who's "incredibly thoughtless"? People who are incredibly thoughtless are not relationship material, and nor do they deserve a relationship.

Bitofanchange · 17/03/2025 20:43

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:00

So less than 4 years and her boyfriend already living with her three young children? In her house I suspect. And she’s subbing him.

Four years is hardly a short time, is it?

However they’re not living together, nor is she subbing him.

What the hell is wrong with you?

TheseCalmSeas · 17/03/2025 20:41

HAB75 · 17/03/2025 19:47

I can see this from his side. You must have really built this up - and I can easily understand why - but you kept giving him options. Mine just cannot cope with options at all. Options result in nothing here too - lickety spit. Options to my chap's ear sound like "she just hasn't made up her mind" and "how the hell can I possibly choose?". So while I completely understand how you feel, both in the run up and now, I can also see it from his perspective. Tell him now what you want to do and to receive - it isn't too late to save this - and you can have your day and a great story for the future. And remember, options sound like "she doesn't yet know what the hell she wants" to some ears.... Don't bin him over this one transgression, not unless there is a lot else you're not happy with.

Did you marry a child? This is mental

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