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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
stampin · 20/03/2025 16:31

I'm another one checking on a few threads at the moment where the OP has disappeared. Hopefully no news is good news.

I always keep an open mind though, I've been here a long time. Wink

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/03/2025 16:28

pineapplecrashed · 20/03/2025 16:23

Makes me question if it was real. There have been quite a few similar threads lately, almost filled up and then OP stops replying. Maybe it’s some sort of power thing, or just for a laugh.

I hope not, this OP seemed really genuine.

pineapplecrashed · 20/03/2025 16:23

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/03/2025 16:16

It's also a little weird when they were so engaged and everyone was so invested.

Makes me question if it was real. There have been quite a few similar threads lately, almost filled up and then OP stops replying. Maybe it’s some sort of power thing, or just for a laugh.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/03/2025 16:16

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/03/2025 14:33

I still find it a bit rude when they can reply to snarky comments but ignore all the nice ones.

It's also a little weird when they were so engaged and everyone was so invested.

pineapplecrashed · 20/03/2025 15:55

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/03/2025 14:33

I still find it a bit rude when they can reply to snarky comments but ignore all the nice ones.

Agree.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/03/2025 14:33

Isthiswhatmenthink · 20/03/2025 06:53

An OP doesn’t owe a reply. She probably had a shit day and is sad and dealing with the aftermath.

I still find it a bit rude when they can reply to snarky comments but ignore all the nice ones.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 20/03/2025 06:53

An OP doesn’t owe a reply. She probably had a shit day and is sad and dealing with the aftermath.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/03/2025 05:58

pineapplecrashed · 20/03/2025 05:52

28 pages and no update ftom OP. Nice.

She was replying on her birthday so now I'm a little worried we've heard nothing from her. I know life is busy and it's probably that just the sudden silence....

@wherethewildrosesgrow, if you're ok, let us know.

pineapplecrashed · 20/03/2025 05:52

28 pages and no update ftom OP. Nice.

igivein · 19/03/2025 19:54

I think you’ve misunderstood me @greengreyblue and @NovemberMorn - which probably means I didn’t express myself very well…
What I meant was her partner possibly had a wonderful day planned for her, but wanted to keep it a surprise. I hope that’s what happened and she had a lovely day.
It’s also possible that he had a wonderful day planned for her, but by the time he turned up to spring the surprise she’d already gone out on her own- I hope this didn’t happen.

greengreyblue · 19/03/2025 18:12

igivein · 19/03/2025 16:40

I've got a feeling she was being strung along, a wonderful day was planned and now she's a bit embarrassed ...

See I think that’s a really mean thing to do and I wouldn't be impressed. How can you think it’s ok to let your loved one have a miserable birthday just because you’re tricking them? Horrible behaviour .

NovemberMorn · 19/03/2025 17:00

igivein · 19/03/2025 16:40

I've got a feeling she was being strung along, a wonderful day was planned and now she's a bit embarrassed ...

Well, she shouldn't feel embarrassed.
The OP made her day interesting even though it wasn't how she hoped it would pan out.
Well done her for not sitting at home fuming.

igivein · 19/03/2025 16:40

I've got a feeling she was being strung along, a wonderful day was planned and now she's a bit embarrassed ...

DebG1982 · 19/03/2025 13:24

So what happened?

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 19/03/2025 08:59

Hope you had a lovely day, @wherethewildrosesgrow and your pottery is beautiful.

morbidd · 19/03/2025 07:14

Here for an update please OP. Happy belated birthday.

Anniegetyourgun · 18/03/2025 23:01

She's probably busy laying a new patio.

MooFroo · 18/03/2025 21:12

Happy 50th @wherethewildrosesgrow Hope you enjoyed your special day and had some
time to think about your relationship and what you want from it.

I know a lot of women who are revisiting their relationships in their 50s!

HoldingThePoisonDown · 18/03/2025 18:43

Tbh @Peaceandquietandacuppa the response was to a fairly snarky comment, I’m not sure I’d bother returning after that sort of post either.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/03/2025 18:36

wherethewildrosesgrow · 17/03/2025 17:44

Unfortunately I can’t book holidays in school holidays, as I work in the leisure industry, but I only work 3 days, and I can often work six days together, then have a lengthy time off, it’s the only job I can get locally that fits in the school day.

Op came back on yesterday to update this but couldn’t update everyone wishing her well?! Weird…

Tooearlytothink · 18/03/2025 17:59

I keep coming back to check for updates. Hope you had a lovely day however it ended up working out!

BigAnne · 18/03/2025 17:42

@wherethewildrosesgrow Happy birthday op. Did your partner surprise you? Mine was rubbish when it came to my birthday ... bastard.

Doobeedoodoo · 18/03/2025 17:32

I really hope to hear this had some positive ending but i suspect it did not:(

Playinwithfire · 18/03/2025 16:56

OP Happy Birthday 🎈

I hope you had a lovely day and got to the restaurant you liked!

I'm struggling to understand why he built the plans up? Why did he feel he needed to do that but in the end had nothing really done? You told him what you liked/wanted but he couldn't make the effort.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 18/03/2025 16:07

Stressybetty · 16/03/2025 11:40

Happy birthday for tomorrow OP! It's actually mine tomorrow too! DH has hinted he's bought me gifts but I know he hasn't planned anything. Difficult as his mum lives with us and has advanced dementia so can't be left or really taken out socially. I've taken tomorrow off work, need to pop out anyway and will treat myself to a birthday cake and perhaps flowers from M&S. Still haven't drunk last year's birthday champagne from DH but I'm saving it for the culmination of a very stressful ongoing issue I have. Really not that fussed about tomorrow. Why don't you just ask your DP if he's actually arranged anything and if not tell just tell him he what you want to do?

Drink the champagne babes!!
Everyday is a day to celebrate 🥳 🥂

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