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Original poster

Husband very anti social

40 replies

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 15/03/2025 21:30

My husband has never been very good at socializing, but he’s got a lot worse in the past year. He says he finds small talk really hard. My parents popped round earlier and he just disappeared up to our room. I said what were you doing? He said he was in our room. Doing what I have no idea! but he spent the whole time away from them.
My son does rugby and he doesn’t speak to any parents when he’s there. Not even a friendly hi. He makes no effort with any of the other parents at the school either so I usually end up at social events by myself. When I’ve spoken to him he’s said it’s not his thing and he’s just not bothered at all. I don’t have friends round as he just makes me feel awkward as he doesn’t talk to anyone. I don’t know what I’m asking really, maybe it’s just a rant. It feels like he’s just being rude rather than anything else now. So am I being unreasonable to expect some basic level of politeness??

OP posts:
Fountains · 15/03/2025 22:21

Inmyonesie · 15/03/2025 22:14

I highly relate to your husband. And guess what…I’m autistic 😁 Not saying your husband is, but it on the realm of normal human behaviour not to like anyone in your space and to struggle with small talk autistic or not. If you dislike his traits then I have to wonder why you married him.

Since there is no evidence whatsoever the OP’s DH is autistic, it’s at least as likely that he, like so many Mners, is socially lazy. Or, being charitable, that his social muscle is under-exercised.

You will get cries of ‘Introversion!’ here, but only from people who confuse it with misanthropy.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/03/2025 22:16

I find meaningless small talk so draining. I struggle socially. Everyone's personality is so different so we need to let people be.

Inmyonesie · 15/03/2025 22:14

I highly relate to your husband. And guess what…I’m autistic 😁 Not saying your husband is, but it on the realm of normal human behaviour not to like anyone in your space and to struggle with small talk autistic or not. If you dislike his traits then I have to wonder why you married him.

Mamofboys5972 · 15/03/2025 21:59

My best friends husband is exactly the same. We've spent years of our life together, day trips, had kids all at the same time, meals together etc. I think I've heard him speak maybe 6 times? And he always goes in another room when we're there. It's just who he is 🤷‍♀️ we never even think about it anymore or question it. It bothers my friend, but she knows people can see its him, who he is, nothing more. I think in your case though, a small amount of socialising with your family should be expected.

TheOriginalEmu · 15/03/2025 21:54

I’m like your husband. I don’t feel the need to socialise with school people, or the parents at my kids hobbies. Why? They’re not my friends, I’m there for my kids.
I would also leave my ex with his parents after saying hi. They aren’t there to see me.

Userlosername · 15/03/2025 21:53

I would find it difficult to be in a relationship with someone like that

Needmorelego · 15/03/2025 21:52

I think as long as he says a polite "Hello" when people arrive and doesn't blank them - I would leave him be.
If he has always struggled socially forcing him to join in is a bit mean.

PonyPatter44 · 15/03/2025 21:49

Has he always been like this? Does he ever do anything he doesn't want to do?

Mellivora · 15/03/2025 21:49

My first real BF was like this, it’s bloody tiresome and was one of the main reasons I had enough. He is still mardy and unsociable.

Original poster
billandtedsexcellentadventure · 15/03/2025 21:47

He says hi but then went upstairs. The thing is, I know he struggles socially. I accept that. But I just thought so many people would say I was being unreasonable and I need to leave him be. But responses so far are agreeing with me.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 15/03/2025 21:40

Some people are just like that.
He should at least talk to your parents.
When you say he doesn't speak do you mean he literally doesn't even say hello or do you mean he doesn't join in a conversation ?

Fountains · 15/03/2025 21:39

I suppose you need to ask yourself what’s in this relationship for you.

PassingStranger · 15/03/2025 21:37

Sounds a right boring old fart.

Original poster
billandtedsexcellentadventure · 15/03/2025 21:36

His hearing is perfect. It’s better than mine. He’s choosing not to interact with people.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 15/03/2025 21:31

Has he had his hearing checked?
I sometimes struggle with conversations because I can't always hear very well.