Boyfriend sees me two evenings per week?

I’d definitely knock Thursdays on the head.

I agree with this. When there's kids involved too, it's unusual that you would be leaving the home of an evening or for hours at a time to see friends socially. Partner and family come first. If people aren't prioritising their partner/ spouse over friendships, then there's a problem with the relationship.

Better would be someone who wants to spend more time with OP than sleeping at her house twice a week because that’s basically all this is.

Not at all - but there’s a point in life where friends aren’t your main commitment any more. How many men outside their 20s do you know who have non-negotiable time blocked out every week for their friends at the expense of their partner? As you mature you make time for your friends in your life rather than have an immovable feature every single week

What was the relationship like last time around, who decided to call it a day? Did you see more of him then?

Why did you break up the first time?

You're talking about marriage, but you've never had a weekend away together? That's insane. You need to experience a few different things together to see how they fit for both of you

I wouldn’t be planning marriage and kids with someone who was recently an ex. Why did you break up and did those issues really get sorted before you reconciled? Because this kind of issue sounds like you’re not on the same page and aren’t communicating well in terms of meeting each other’s needs. Those are the things that really matter in terms of things being serious and having true long term potential. Not whether he says and does what he wants and you have to go along with it. That’s a recipe for misery.

Why was he an ex in the first place?

Has that reason suddenly disappeared?

I'll wager not.

Make him an ex again.

WTF? What's 'better' - someone who will ditch their friends for you?

It doesn't sound like it works for the OP because their schedules and her wants are nor aligned. That's life, its not a case of 'doing better'.

A couple of evenings a week would be fine for me. I'm married and see my husband 2-3 evenings a week. I have a very busy life though so I'm not sat twiddling my thumbs waiting for our time together.

Have you told him you'd like to spend more time together?

Did you post last week about him changing plans last minute? I seem to recall someone who’s boyfriend worked in another time zone.

this isn’t OP right. He’s just not that into you. When I met my husband it was different. He saw each other all the time at the weekend. We bonded, cooked food, watched movies, went shopping, played mini golf, went to the seaside, a weeks holidays met family and friends planned and had Christmas within three months of meeting.

I didn’t need to think “is it OK if I call him”.

we are all needy, we all have emotional needs. Don’t settle for something you are that doesn’t not meet your needs.

You see him twice a week and on those days he arrives very late, stays over, then leaves. That isn’t a relationship.

It's a casual arrangement, not conducive to a long term relationship.

What is his job, that he has to work until 10pm?

Fine for a casual boyfriend if you have a busy and full life yourself but it's no basis for a life partnership. You aren't in his top 3 priorities in life. Have some self-respect and give this one a swerve. Find someone who wants to prioritise spending time with you.

So on weekends he is meeting his friends and their partners but he is not bringing you, his partner? I would find that very suspicious. He is clearly not viewing you as anything serious.

The issue is he comes over late at night sleeps and then presumably you go to work. So you might get an hour if you wait up. And then a couple hours Saturday morning. It’s not a lot, whilst it’s understandable he wants to see friends/family and separate time is healthy he should also want some quality time with you or you could see friends and family together.

if you move in you will spend every night with him but it’s the lack of actual daytime together that is the issue and if he’s not willing to compromise it’s unlikely to change. What if you chose to have children would you be doing all the parenting?

Unless you are a independent person too and happy with your relationship being a small part of your life I’d walk away.

Sounds like a booty call if he arrives late and is gone next day. He is saying what he needs to so you invest in this and keep it going. He sees his friends more that you, how can this be healthy for a committed long term relationship ?

@castoroil he arrives late for sex op that’s it.
He is serious when he “gives up “ his Saturday night for you .
No date Nights or anything ? How can this be serious ?
It’s lip service from him or this is the life you would live with him . You home waiting while he was out “busy”

That wouldn’t work for me, I’d prefer more variety and some spontaneity. I’d also not like fitting into someone else routine, I’d become ‘busy’ on those evenings.

@castoroil It wouldn't be quite enough for me to conduct a close relationship. I don't like the strangulation of 24/7 . Neither would I like late arrivals and the relationship you describe.

Yes exactly, people older than 21 dont need friends and its weird to spend more than a few hours a week with them. Mature adults spend all their waking lives with their needy partners -- friends are for children and toddlers

How old is he? Past the age where spending that much time with his friends is normal?