To think we all want to be mothered no matter how old we are?

I am 61 and list my mum in 2008.
I still desperately miss her, she was a perfect mum, always there for us.
I miss the comfort and love she gave me, it's a totally different love than anything else.

I hated being mothered and fussed over. My parents were great but I was ready to leave home at 18 and I never really returned. I love being independent and try not to fuss over my son

My mum died when I was three so never had the mothering…but I do have a lovely husband and a burly rugby playing son…both are good for hugs when I need one.
Having grown up without a mum and having a dad who was a good provider but not really nurturing, I only realised as an adult how much it affected me and my siblings. Having a caring and loving husband and great kids has kind of made up for it to an extend. I don’t dwell on it.

DM and I are very, very different. When I’m having a crisis she is one of the last people I’d call. Like PP, I have a lot of friends in my life for any mothering I might need.

Gosh I’m also very much like this, super independent in every way, I couldn’t be more self sufficient. My mother wasn’t abusive really but very much not a caring mum & was an alcoholic who prioritised that. And men.

I have no idea what that feels like so I can't say if I want it or not.
To be honest it sounds smothering but I am not the best judge

Yes, my mother isn't maternal at all, I haven't been mothered by her or anyone for a long time.
I was recently ill with a chest infection and sleeping in the spare room tlas I was coughing a lot.
My adult daughter is living at home at the moment (long story) and she heard me awake in the middle of the night. I was pretty feverish and in a sorry state, overwhelmed and overtired.
She came and looked after me, cold cloths for my fever, hot water bottle when my chest felt cold, stroking my forehead, tucking me in, talking to me gently.
I felt held and safe, it was amazing and just what I needed. I was so grateful and didn't realise how much I missed being treated like that.

My internal defibrillator fired a couple of weeks ago and I had to spend some time in hospital. The hug I got from my mum was exactly what I needed

My mother is a nice enough person but has never really mothered me. My husband is the one I’d turn to if I needed someone to care for me.

I don't really want to be mothered. I come from long line of strong but not maternal women on both my parents sides.
I am motherly with my kids. Although I guess I am not sure on the benchmarks for motherly behaviours.

Everything I have experienced about mothering comes from having 3 dc. I am nc with my own mother-because of the person she is.

I have yearned for a mother-figure my whole life but have come to accept that I will never experience it in my lifetime.

Horribly sad thread.

I want my real mother. The one I’ve never met.

I am sorry for the sad losses on this thread. I can relate, I’ve experienced my parents very long and drawn out divorce, during which both moved out of the family home at various points so I lived years without one or the other. Then I lost one when I was 13 and the other was terminally ill by the time I was 14 and I had no parents left by my early 20s.

It’s always really odd to me when someone who is an adult mentions having parents, or just mentions their mum or dad. It’s very jarring to my ears, like someone mentioning something from childhood like sucking their thumb, maybe. It’s fine, just always strikes me as odd that you can be a grown up and still have parents.

I had to do my own mothering from a very young age. My parents had no clue that parenting involved any more than basic food and clothes.

For me

Non judgemental - I honestly don't care if I'm judged so that doesn't bother me on any level.

Can completely be myself/ knows me inside out - no, various people know various bits of me, nobody knows me properly, and I always hold something back, I have no desire to be completely known.

Doesn't expect anything in return - I prefer it when people are upfront and say they want X, if they don't then I'm constantly wondering what they will expect, because there's always something.

Holds a safe space - I wouldn't trust anyone to be my safe space, I've created my own, and I am the safe space for my dc, I don't want that from anyone else.

So even with that description I have no desire to be mothered or connected or nurtured at all.

My mother died when I was 10 years old. I’m 54 now and I’ve spent the majority of my life wanting someone to care for me like a mother.

My father was a nice man but was only 45 when she died so he threw himself into work to pay bills. He was also from a generation where he felt his obligation as a parent was to solely put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I left home when I was young and moved far away. Our physical distance didn’t help matters much. We started to become close when I reached my late 30’s but I lost him at age 40.

I miss being someone’s child the way I am to my own adult children.

I'm exactly the same! I absolutely loathe anyone trying to mother me but I'm sure this is due to a background of neglect/trauma. I've been looking after myself from a very young age & am now 47 so I'll never change. That said I can understand wanting to feel mothered if you've had a lovely mum.

When I worked in a nursing home I remember several residents crying for their mums at night. They were in their 80s and 90s.

I’m incredibly lucky in my mum who mothers all of us brilliantly in so many ways I appreciate, all the more so because her own mum was pretty awful and made her miserable and modelled everything you’re not supposed to do.

Yes, I think to an extent it’s true. I think I notice it when I see the sort of mothers other people have. Like the ones who sort stuff out. Or who would be like, surprise, I’ve booked us a weekend away just the two of us! Or who know how to navigate life and would do it if you weren’t able. The nurturing, take charge, fun sort of mothers. Dh has an auntie who everyone loves, who takes in all the wayward cousins and friends of her dc, books holidays and takes all the kids and grandkids away, pops up to visit and cooks a lovely meal.

I’m NC with my mum now. But even when we weren’t NC, she wasn’t like capable. I had to do the parenting. She’d find it hard (in her 50s/60s) to book travel or organise things. She didn’t cook. Like I mean, ever. Growing up we ate out or had a takeaway 5 days out of 7. We’d go to the Chinese for Christmas because she didn’t cook Christmas dinner (which I kinda thought was great, but as a grown up, I can see how odd it was). She found looking after her grandchildren emotionally very overwhelming, like got very flustered. She just wasn’t the ‘grown up’ in our relationship. She was a bit of work. Obviously, she’s not in my life now (not because she’s a bit immature, but because she married a dangerous man who I won’t have round my dc).

But I absolutely see older women all the time who I think, I wish you could be my mum. They host family dinners and get everyone together, they are warm and fun and well-loved, they get stuck in and help with family things, they seem to genuinely enjoy their children and grandchildren. I definitely do wish I had a mother like that.

I really do not want to be mothered. I am not a child. I don’t need mothering any more than I need fathering.

Do you mean you want to be nurtured?

I cannot and will not allow anyone to do anything for me, unless I’m employing them and they do it for money, which is fair.

Whether you've had it or not, you can want the "ideal". Someone who you can go to for a hug, a hot drink, and will say the right things that will make you feel better, even for a little while. A safe space. A smile that says I love you and always will.

We can have a lovely dh, our daughters we've raised to come to us when they need us, who want to share their important moments with us. Just sometimes we want that comfort too.

I’m over 40, and was recently really unwell.. I desperately wanted to be looked after. I actually ended up staying with my mum for a few days while I recuperated and I really appreciated a bit of mothering. We haven’t always had the best relationship and I know at times I’ve really pulled away, but I can remember even then, in my worst moments I’d be thinking ‘I want my mum.’ Even though it’s probably an idealised version I was looking for.

Depends on what the experience of " being mothered" has been like perhaps?

My mum died in 2016. Sometimes I realise how alone I am - I don't have a wide circle of friends and while my DH is great, sometimes he annoys the fuck out of me and I just want another perspective. I often think back to a particularly great hug with my mum at the end of a visit. I really wish I could have that again.