Hi everyone, apologies as this is long.
I have what I think is an unusual situation and I just wanted some opinions on my next move.
I split with my husband in 2023 and we have now divorced. We obtained a financial order by consent in November 2024 which stated I could occupy our marital home with our 3 children until it was sold with most of the proceeds going to me (we had other properties and capital that went to him). I am not on the mortgage and he is the legal owner so when we separated I obtained a right to occupy notice over the property. I agreed to remove this and it was removed on January 10th. He is very awkward and quite abusive and manipulative and our relationship is strained at best but I try to stay civil for the children.
He accepted an offer on the property within a week (November 7th) and he told me he will keep me updated the whole way through. On the 10th January he told me that the house was going to complete on 15th January. I was dumbfounded that he had not kept me up to date and told him there’s no way I could find a rented property (which I’d decided to go into until I’d saved a bit more to buy a home outright for myself and the kids) and move within 5 days. He was extremely abusive telling me I would lose us the sale. I had no access to his conveying solicitor who would not speak to me as I am not the legal owner. I then found a property and moved out within 14 days. I asked him when completion would then happen and he had no clue. This dragged on for weeks.
I then got a call from him on 7th March telling me I need to hand the keys to the buyer as she needed to move her stuff in (I still had the keys and still had belongings in there). I asked had he exchanged he said she refuses to exchange until she has the keys. I told him that that’s too risky for us both and could cause many issues. I then got a barrage of abuse and was told “she’ll call you to explain just give her whatever she wants”. She then calls me and tells me she’s a financial remedy judge (about 5 times) and how she’d never have touched the property had she known there was a matrimonial charge on it or known it was a “divorce property” (she was told this upon viewing). How her child had now lost his place at his preferred high school and that a condition of her offer was a completion date of 15th January due to her child’s school place. I asked why it hadn’t exchanged and she said she’ll do it today whilst I hand her the keys. I explained I still have stuff in there and that I’d need time to move it, she said I’ll stick it all in the garage for you. I felt bullied by both my ex and her and agreed as she repeatedly told me she’s a judge and can be trusted, that she’ll take on insurance liability, that she can’t get time off to move so needs the keys to move in the evenings, that she wants her electrician to come and put up light fittings, that she’s happy to pull out if I don’t acquiesce so I ended up hurriedly going up there grabbing what I could and handing her the keys over. I did ask when completion would happen and she said it’s out of her hands as a company is buying her home and they’re dragging their feet.
it’s now over a week later. I have asked my ex to keep my updated (we only speak on msg never face to face as it’s too volatile). He has ignored me. I still had her number from her calling me so I sent her a nice msg basically saying can she keep me in the loop as now she has the keys I have no idea when completion will be and my ex won’t tell me. She seemed very annoyed that I had msged her directly and told me she’s not the mediator between me and my ex. That this was all our fault for not completing on January 15th and that it will basically takes as long as it takes, she then asked me not to msg her again as she will only communicate with the legal owner and not to contact her again. She also threatened to remove her things and just pull out as it’s all stop stressful for her. I have also asked can his solicitor send proceeds from the property straight to me and he said his solicitor said as I’m not his client then no it will have to go to my ex then to me. This is a huge amount of money that I don’t trust him with. I have no money to obtain legal advice and I now don’t know the best course of action. I feel a bit like a fool for not demanding a completion date before handing over the keys but she’s certainly flexed her authority and knowledge as a judge over me.
Am I being unreasonable in asking the buyer to commit to a completion date and should I have give her the keys in the first place?