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Original poster

House buyer has moved stuff in before completion.

138 replies

AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 18:27

Hi everyone, apologies as this is long.

I have what I think is an unusual situation and I just wanted some opinions on my next move.
I split with my husband in 2023 and we have now divorced. We obtained a financial order by consent in November 2024 which stated I could occupy our marital home with our 3 children until it was sold with most of the proceeds going to me (we had other properties and capital that went to him). I am not on the mortgage and he is the legal owner so when we separated I obtained a right to occupy notice over the property. I agreed to remove this and it was removed on January 10th. He is very awkward and quite abusive and manipulative and our relationship is strained at best but I try to stay civil for the children.

He accepted an offer on the property within a week (November 7th) and he told me he will keep me updated the whole way through. On the 10th January he told me that the house was going to complete on 15th January. I was dumbfounded that he had not kept me up to date and told him there’s no way I could find a rented property (which I’d decided to go into until I’d saved a bit more to buy a home outright for myself and the kids) and move within 5 days. He was extremely abusive telling me I would lose us the sale. I had no access to his conveying solicitor who would not speak to me as I am not the legal owner. I then found a property and moved out within 14 days. I asked him when completion would then happen and he had no clue. This dragged on for weeks.

I then got a call from him on 7th March telling me I need to hand the keys to the buyer as she needed to move her stuff in (I still had the keys and still had belongings in there). I asked had he exchanged he said she refuses to exchange until she has the keys. I told him that that’s too risky for us both and could cause many issues. I then got a barrage of abuse and was told “she’ll call you to explain just give her whatever she wants”. She then calls me and tells me she’s a financial remedy judge (about 5 times) and how she’d never have touched the property had she known there was a matrimonial charge on it or known it was a “divorce property” (she was told this upon viewing). How her child had now lost his place at his preferred high school and that a condition of her offer was a completion date of 15th January due to her child’s school place. I asked why it hadn’t exchanged and she said she’ll do it today whilst I hand her the keys. I explained I still have stuff in there and that I’d need time to move it, she said I’ll stick it all in the garage for you. I felt bullied by both my ex and her and agreed as she repeatedly told me she’s a judge and can be trusted, that she’ll take on insurance liability, that she can’t get time off to move so needs the keys to move in the evenings, that she wants her electrician to come and put up light fittings, that she’s happy to pull out if I don’t acquiesce so I ended up hurriedly going up there grabbing what I could and handing her the keys over. I did ask when completion would happen and she said it’s out of her hands as a company is buying her home and they’re dragging their feet.

it’s now over a week later. I have asked my ex to keep my updated (we only speak on msg never face to face as it’s too volatile). He has ignored me. I still had her number from her calling me so I sent her a nice msg basically saying can she keep me in the loop as now she has the keys I have no idea when completion will be and my ex won’t tell me. She seemed very annoyed that I had msged her directly and told me she’s not the mediator between me and my ex. That this was all our fault for not completing on January 15th and that it will basically takes as long as it takes, she then asked me not to msg her again as she will only communicate with the legal owner and not to contact her again. She also threatened to remove her things and just pull out as it’s all stop stressful for her. I have also asked can his solicitor send proceeds from the property straight to me and he said his solicitor said as I’m not his client then no it will have to go to my ex then to me. This is a huge amount of money that I don’t trust him with. I have no money to obtain legal advice and I now don’t know the best course of action. I feel a bit like a fool for not demanding a completion date before handing over the keys but she’s certainly flexed her authority and knowledge as a judge over me.

Am I being unreasonable in asking the buyer to commit to a completion date and should I have give her the keys in the first place?

OP posts:
DaNightCreeper · 16/03/2025 06:18

Smartiepants79 · 15/03/2025 18:30

No, you shouldn’t have given the keys over to someone who does not yet own the house. She is essentially squatting. This is all very weird, not sure what your ex is up to.

This. any insurance on the property will be null and void too.

allhappybunnies · 16/03/2025 06:16

You should register your "Beneficial Interest" in the property at the Land Registry .It will place a charge registering the financial claim you have ,rather than the right to occupy .

CarolinaWren · 16/03/2025 05:00

AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 18:44

To answer questions I am in the UK. He definitely doesn’t know her. I don’t think he’s up to anything sneaky but I do think he doesn’t care about the risks he’s putting us at and he doesn’t mind making my life as hard as possible. I am shocked at her attitude given that she’s a judge, she seems to say whatever she can to get what she wants and is firmly putting the blame on “us” (actually him I had nothing to do with it) that the house didn’t complete on 15th January, ignoring the fact we could have completed on 29th January and she’s still saying even now that there are pre exchange searches to be done.

is she a judge though, really? Or is she a grifter, pretending to be a judge?

Justhere65 · 16/03/2025 04:53

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/03/2025 22:34

How do you change the locks on someone else’s property? The house belongs to OPs ex. The sale is between her ex and the buyer. It isn’t OPs house to change the locks on.

Show quote history

I did some years ago. I also had my interest in the property registered with the Land Registry.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 16/03/2025 03:31

AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 21:27

Thankyou everyone for your help, it is as I suspected a very risky thing that we have done. I think I’m going to give it until 25th and if I don’t have a firm completion date I will as somebody suggested get legal advice on possibly putting in another home rights notice.

If this property actually hasn’t exchanged then this is far worse than I thought. It’s such a nasty business selling and buying a house, it really does bring out the worst in people.

just to add I don’t even know her full name to check if she’s a judge and I wouldn’t want to get her in any trouble at this point anyway, as long as it alls goes through in the end then I’ll be happy, if not then it will be a different story. Hopefully this will work itself out in a week or 2, if not then I will certainly seek legal advice.

OK you've jumped the shark now. You are on are the verge of losing hundreds of thousands of pounds. Nobody is this naïve and passive.

wombat1a · 16/03/2025 03:07

There is no way I would consider buying a house where the owners ex had a 'right to occupy' notice on it. Given how nasty most divorces are I could well imagine the owners ex doing all they can to mess with the owner. If the 'right to occupy' was no removed prior to anything I did that cost money (searches etc etc) I would simply pass on the property and look for another.

I am sure there are other ways you can put a notice on the house though that there is money from the sale that is due to you but without the RTO. I would get one of those registered asap so the buyers soliciters are legally aware you are due this money.

Devianinc · 16/03/2025 00:54

AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 18:27

Hi everyone, apologies as this is long.

I have what I think is an unusual situation and I just wanted some opinions on my next move.
I split with my husband in 2023 and we have now divorced. We obtained a financial order by consent in November 2024 which stated I could occupy our marital home with our 3 children until it was sold with most of the proceeds going to me (we had other properties and capital that went to him). I am not on the mortgage and he is the legal owner so when we separated I obtained a right to occupy notice over the property. I agreed to remove this and it was removed on January 10th. He is very awkward and quite abusive and manipulative and our relationship is strained at best but I try to stay civil for the children.

He accepted an offer on the property within a week (November 7th) and he told me he will keep me updated the whole way through. On the 10th January he told me that the house was going to complete on 15th January. I was dumbfounded that he had not kept me up to date and told him there’s no way I could find a rented property (which I’d decided to go into until I’d saved a bit more to buy a home outright for myself and the kids) and move within 5 days. He was extremely abusive telling me I would lose us the sale. I had no access to his conveying solicitor who would not speak to me as I am not the legal owner. I then found a property and moved out within 14 days. I asked him when completion would then happen and he had no clue. This dragged on for weeks.

I then got a call from him on 7th March telling me I need to hand the keys to the buyer as she needed to move her stuff in (I still had the keys and still had belongings in there). I asked had he exchanged he said she refuses to exchange until she has the keys. I told him that that’s too risky for us both and could cause many issues. I then got a barrage of abuse and was told “she’ll call you to explain just give her whatever she wants”. She then calls me and tells me she’s a financial remedy judge (about 5 times) and how she’d never have touched the property had she known there was a matrimonial charge on it or known it was a “divorce property” (she was told this upon viewing). How her child had now lost his place at his preferred high school and that a condition of her offer was a completion date of 15th January due to her child’s school place. I asked why it hadn’t exchanged and she said she’ll do it today whilst I hand her the keys. I explained I still have stuff in there and that I’d need time to move it, she said I’ll stick it all in the garage for you. I felt bullied by both my ex and her and agreed as she repeatedly told me she’s a judge and can be trusted, that she’ll take on insurance liability, that she can’t get time off to move so needs the keys to move in the evenings, that she wants her electrician to come and put up light fittings, that she’s happy to pull out if I don’t acquiesce so I ended up hurriedly going up there grabbing what I could and handing her the keys over. I did ask when completion would happen and she said it’s out of her hands as a company is buying her home and they’re dragging their feet.

it’s now over a week later. I have asked my ex to keep my updated (we only speak on msg never face to face as it’s too volatile). He has ignored me. I still had her number from her calling me so I sent her a nice msg basically saying can she keep me in the loop as now she has the keys I have no idea when completion will be and my ex won’t tell me. She seemed very annoyed that I had msged her directly and told me she’s not the mediator between me and my ex. That this was all our fault for not completing on January 15th and that it will basically takes as long as it takes, she then asked me not to msg her again as she will only communicate with the legal owner and not to contact her again. She also threatened to remove her things and just pull out as it’s all stop stressful for her. I have also asked can his solicitor send proceeds from the property straight to me and he said his solicitor said as I’m not his client then no it will have to go to my ex then to me. This is a huge amount of money that I don’t trust him with. I have no money to obtain legal advice and I now don’t know the best course of action. I feel a bit like a fool for not demanding a completion date before handing over the keys but she’s certainly flexed her authority and knowledge as a judge over me.

Am I being unreasonable in asking the buyer to commit to a completion date and should I have give her the keys in the first place?

If all these things are true then she’s abusing her authority and I’d get in touch with someone in legal. She’s threatening and abusive. She doesn’t sound like a professional. I’d call her out on it.

Dietingdaisy · 16/03/2025 00:37

Has she moved in to make her son’s school application? She said she’d missed the deadline but I wonder how transparent she is actually being with the local authority over dates…. Also, don’t you have to have an actual tenancy agreement or ownership of the property for the purposes of a school application? OP I’d be tempted to alert the local authority.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 16/03/2025 00:37

OP, it sounds like you've been given some VERY good advice on here, please make sure you follow through and get YOUR OWN LEGAL ADVICE first thing on Monday morning. I absolutely hate to think of this abusive man conning you like this!

Also, stop worrying about the money you've had to spend, and may have to spend to get a good solicitor onside, without it, you'll have nothing anyway by the sound of things.

Gremlinsateit · 16/03/2025 00:11

To echo PPs - you are being conned. Get that notice lodged again asap. Good luck!

Likewhatever · 16/03/2025 00:00

You cannot exchange without a completion date, it’s part of the contract. No completion date, no exchange.

Needspaceforlego · 15/03/2025 23:51

Op you are being very nieve and far far too trusting, get intouch with your lawyer on Monday morning.

Nobody hands keys over without the cash getting handed over. It's the same as selling anything else.
You wouldn't let someone take your car keys, saying. I'll give you the money later.

Lolapusht · 15/03/2025 23:37

OP, you can register Matrimonial Home Rights yourself and it doesn’t cost anything. Just download the form fill it in and send it to Land Registry

How to register MATRIMONIAL HOME RIGHTS

INeedAnotherName · 15/03/2025 23:20

You are being conned.

Stop believing your ex. Stop believing a random stranger who cannot prove they are a judge, she could be his girlfriend. Stop believing a solicitor who is paid to shaft you because he is representing your ex, not you.

Get your own solicitor Monday morning. Speak to the estate agent Monday morning. Get the home rights notice added Monday morning too. Otherwise you are going to lose EVERYTHING. The house sale money should be going to the conveyancing solicitor - do they know they have to send it to you? Do they have your banking details? If it goes to ex then it's gone, and your paperwork will mean absolutely nothing unless you can afford to take him to court for years? Easier to protect yourself now than chase your diminishing rights later.

I repeat - you are being conned.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/03/2025 23:04

PomPomSugar · 15/03/2025 21:42

No, you didn’t have to remove it for the sale to go through. The home rights notice should be removed when it is complied with ie. when you receive the money. This is dealt with at completion. By removing the notice prior to completion you have left yourself completely vulnerable. There is no way for a conveyancer to know you are due funds otherwise and they will just send the funds to your ex. You need to register the home rights notice right now, even if it has exchanged! You have been given terrible advise by whoever told you to remove it.

Show quote history

This ^^^

speak to your divorce lawyer and get it back on the register asap

Original poster
AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 22:53

FOJN · 15/03/2025 22:47

I then spent money putting the homes rights notice in place so I allowed his solicitor to draw up the financial order by consent which I am happy with except now I don’t have a solicitor.

OP I'm so sorry I don't mean to harangue you but this is so wrong in so many ways. If your ex has a high income and a large amount of assets you should have been able to exit the marriage with enough to comfortably provide a decent home for you and the children.

PLEASE STOP DANCING TO THE TUNE OF PEOPLE YOU ARE NOT PAYING TO PROTECT YOUR INTERESTS.

The situation must seem daunting at this point but its not necessarily unsalvageable. You may find your ex messes you around far less if he's having to deal with your solicitor.

Gather all your documentation. Write a timeline of events and detail all the people who dealt with the financial order. Book an appointment with a Solicitor and tell them everything. I can understand that burying your head in the sand and hoping for the best might be appealing but you need help.

I'd guess your ex was abusive for much of your marriage and you just want to sort things without antagonising him but it won't help you in the long run. I think you need a rottweiler of a solicitor to put him in his place. Once you have a solicitor you do not need to speak to him at all about the financial arrangements.

This is exactly what I need! TBH I have been a massive mug (whilst he calls me unreasonable and demands more and more of me). It’s been a rough time but I am so close to the end…at least in financial terms, then I’ll only have to deal with his parenting problems but that’s a whole other thread!

OP posts:
Original poster
AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 22:50

Globules · 15/03/2025 22:34

I feel your pain.

Acrimonious split with XH. XH allowed our buyer to move things in before exchange. There was still a mountain of our stuff in the house.

Estate agents said I was the one blocking the sale by complaining about it. The buyer had told them they'd been let down by their removal company, so needed to move things in bit by bit. Never heard such a crock of shit.

I felt gaslighted by telling the EA I wasn't happy about it at all. They kept on that it was needed for the sale. The solicitor dealing with the sale didn't care.

Awful time. Last time I went in the house was late on the day before completion. I had to fight through their stuff to get to ours. Looked like XH had made a deal with them that he'd leave loads of crap in the house that he didn't want to deal with as a swap for them moving their property in pre exchange.

Fingers crossed it'll be over for you soon OP.

Wow this sounds like exactly the same scenario! I’m glad to see that it worked out for you and hopeful it will work out for me too.

At this point if she pulls out she pulls out, I have enough gaslighting from him I didn’t need it from her too. I won’t be conversing with her going forwards I will take advice and let it play out.

OP posts:
FOJN · 15/03/2025 22:47

I then spent money putting the homes rights notice in place so I allowed his solicitor to draw up the financial order by consent which I am happy with except now I don’t have a solicitor.

OP I'm so sorry I don't mean to harangue you but this is so wrong in so many ways. If your ex has a high income and a large amount of assets you should have been able to exit the marriage with enough to comfortably provide a decent home for you and the children.

PLEASE STOP DANCING TO THE TUNE OF PEOPLE YOU ARE NOT PAYING TO PROTECT YOUR INTERESTS.

The situation must seem daunting at this point but its not necessarily unsalvageable. You may find your ex messes you around far less if he's having to deal with your solicitor.

Gather all your documentation. Write a timeline of events and detail all the people who dealt with the financial order. Book an appointment with a Solicitor and tell them everything. I can understand that burying your head in the sand and hoping for the best might be appealing but you need help.

I'd guess your ex was abusive for much of your marriage and you just want to sort things without antagonising him but it won't help you in the long run. I think you need a rottweiler of a solicitor to put him in his place. Once you have a solicitor you do not need to speak to him at all about the financial arrangements.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/03/2025 22:34

Justhere65 · 15/03/2025 22:21

I would also change the locks. Have you had a charge put against the property with the land registry?
I did that with our matrimonial property once.

Show quote history

How do you change the locks on someone else’s property? The house belongs to OPs ex. The sale is between her ex and the buyer. It isn’t OPs house to change the locks on.

Globules · 15/03/2025 22:34

I feel your pain.

Acrimonious split with XH. XH allowed our buyer to move things in before exchange. There was still a mountain of our stuff in the house.

Estate agents said I was the one blocking the sale by complaining about it. The buyer had told them they'd been let down by their removal company, so needed to move things in bit by bit. Never heard such a crock of shit.

I felt gaslighted by telling the EA I wasn't happy about it at all. They kept on that it was needed for the sale. The solicitor dealing with the sale didn't care.

Awful time. Last time I went in the house was late on the day before completion. I had to fight through their stuff to get to ours. Looked like XH had made a deal with them that he'd leave loads of crap in the house that he didn't want to deal with as a swap for them moving their property in pre exchange.

Fingers crossed it'll be over for you soon OP.

Original poster
AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 22:25

Thankyou everyone, I will get legal advice on Monday. I have been trying to save on paying for it as I spent a lot at the beginning when he essentially kidnapped our children and I had to then get a child arrangements order to get them back which I did very quickly. I then spent money putting the homes rights notice in place so I allowed his solicitor to draw up the financial order by consent which I am happy with except now I don’t have a solicitor. I tried to get one at the beginning of the sales process but nobody wanted to touch it as they couldn’t agree if it was a conveyancing solicitor or family law that I needed. It took weeks to even get to that point. I just feel so done with it all and like I’ve spent thousands to get no where. I do realise that this isn’t something to mess about with though and that I am now in a very vulnerable position so I will at the very minimum get a solicitor to start speaking to his solicitor about where the proceeds go when it does eventually complete- wether with her or another buyer.

Again, thankyou all for the advice x

OP posts:
Justhere65 · 15/03/2025 22:24

AlinaRawlings · 15/03/2025 21:27

Thankyou everyone for your help, it is as I suspected a very risky thing that we have done. I think I’m going to give it until 25th and if I don’t have a firm completion date I will as somebody suggested get legal advice on possibly putting in another home rights notice.

If this property actually hasn’t exchanged then this is far worse than I thought. It’s such a nasty business selling and buying a house, it really does bring out the worst in people.

just to add I don’t even know her full name to check if she’s a judge and I wouldn’t want to get her in any trouble at this point anyway, as long as it alls goes through in the end then I’ll be happy, if not then it will be a different story. Hopefully this will work itself out in a week or 2, if not then I will certainly seek legal advice.

Why wait until the 25th? I would be sorting it urgently. Do you have a solicitor?

Justhere65 · 15/03/2025 22:21

RealEagle · 15/03/2025 19:26

This is not right at all ,keys are never given until completion,change those locks

I would also change the locks. Have you had a charge put against the property with the land registry?
I did that with our matrimonial property once.

BreastfeedingWedding · 15/03/2025 22:17

Wow this is mental!

I thought this was going to be about a gentlemen’s agreement. We had one to access between exchange and completion to move. Its irregular but not unheard of.

This is absolutely insane. Doesn’t sound like you have exchanged. None of it is adding up. Can’t have searches outstanding and then be exchanging. Can’t be pissed about Jan when its her lawyers holding everything up.

You need legal advice!

FOJN · 15/03/2025 22:10

I don't understand OP. You are choosing to communicate with your ex, the buyer of the house, the estate agent and now his conveyancing solicitor as if any of these people are remotely interested in protecting your interests.

Did you handle the financial order yourself or did you use a Solicitor?

I'm starting to think you have had minimal, if any, qualified legal advice and are now worried about how much it might cost to sort this out. The longer you leave it, the more it will cost. Your current inaction could cost you the proceeds from the sale of the house which is quite reckless if you need it to buy another house for you and your children.

Please do not delay in getting legal advice.