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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it something I said

67 replies

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 17:39

Hi, I have been casually dating a guy, have been due to see him tonight but I've not heard from him from since Wednesday evening. Our last exchange was: him...'we might have to take the wine to bed and work through those condoms'
Me: 'sounds like good plan, although you might have to periodically check the condom is still on this time 🤣' (it fell off inside me last time, which I told him about). I have heard nothing since then, despite him being keen before. Have I said something to offend him? I've asked him today if he's still up for tonight but have heard nothing....🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Hungryhungryrhino · 15/03/2025 20:05

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 19:23

Just out of curiosity, the people that have voted that I am being unreasonable, what is the reason for that?

YABU because you’re worried about the wrong thing and seemingly not at all worried about your pregnancy or sti risk.
you’re assuming the problem is you. And you txt him asking to still see him even when he’s ignored you for days.

halfpastten · 15/03/2025 19:35

If you're feeling anxious about someone not calling, it's because you care more than they do. It is never a good sign when you start to feel like that. And no it's not you, it's them. You deserve better.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 19:23

Just out of curiosity, the people that have voted that I am being unreasonable, what is the reason for that?

OP posts:
Americano75 · 15/03/2025 19:17

Good grief, what sort of grown man doesn't know to change a condom after they've orgasmed? That's more worrying than being ghosted!

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/03/2025 19:12

Could he be pondering what you planned to do with the stapler on the bedside cabinet? 🤔

MightyBust · 15/03/2025 19:06

This is weird - it's an everything risk, pregnancy and STIs.

Did you talk about it at the time?

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/03/2025 19:02

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 18:49

No, he didn't take it off, he just kept going and said he'd come 2 times, maybe 3. I think it's because the first time I slept with him, he came really quickly and was embarrassed

You do realise this is a pregnancy risk? Do you?

Currymaker · 15/03/2025 19:02

Hope he hasn't had an accident.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 19:00

No he's 40!

OP posts:
SUPerSaver721 · 15/03/2025 18:59

I take it he's not a teenager as he has 3 children.

NovemberMorn · 15/03/2025 18:55

SUPerSaver721 · 15/03/2025 18:52

I think hrs pulling your leg. He would have come once.

Depends how old he is.😄
His bedroom habits don't seem that chivalrous though, I hope he waited for OP to arrive before he resumed his ff.

SUPerSaver721 · 15/03/2025 18:52

I think hrs pulling your leg. He would have come once.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 18:49

No, he didn't take it off, he just kept going and said he'd come 2 times, maybe 3. I think it's because the first time I slept with him, he came really quickly and was embarrassed

OP posts:
Showerisnownteresting · 15/03/2025 18:47

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 17:45

That's definitely not what I was suggesting. And no he's not small. I think it's because he came a couple of times in the same condom

Show quote history

Yuck.

SUPerSaver721 · 15/03/2025 18:45

I'm shocked he came a few times in the 1 condom. Does that mean he kept putting it back on?

NovemberMorn · 15/03/2025 18:41

If the condom came off and it was twice used...I think I would be more worried about pregnancy than whether I had upset him.

Beyondthewindowsill555 · 15/03/2025 18:33

Well if it was something you said you have dodged a bullet op!

And even if it wasn’t, you have still dodged a bullet, because he couldn’t be bothered to keep in touch.

I wish you hadn’t contacted him tbh! You have done absolutely nothing wrong. He is the one behaving badly so don’t “reward” that with contact. Just let him go and be irresponsible and easily offended elsewhere! You deserve better frankly 🌷

Chuchoter · 15/03/2025 18:28

You won't like my opinion as it's old fashioned but the quicker you jump into bed with SOME men, the quicker they dump you as they don't see you as being long term relationship material.

PieCorner · 15/03/2025 18:26

Just for future reference, change the condom every time he has an orgasm. No wonder he’s got three kids. 😅

ARainyNightInSoho · 15/03/2025 18:25

@Lilaclala we don't know if it was anything you said (or did) because we weren't there. Anyway, what difference would it make? Presumably you say and do things that you think are right for you. If he doesn't like that it means you are not compatible. And, he's decided he doesn't want to see you and you will probably never know why. I really feel for you, this has happened to me often. But, don't waste any more time wondering if it's your 'fault'.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 18:06

Haruka · 15/03/2025 18:04

Hate to point out the obvious, but are you sure it was an accident? Stealthing is a thing (though I'm sure it's illegal now).

Guys generally know whether there's latex on their penis or not.

No I don't think that is the case. He gas 3 kids already. I doubt he'd want anymore. Definitely nothing I said then?

OP posts:
Haruka · 15/03/2025 18:04

Hate to point out the obvious, but are you sure it was an accident? Stealthing is a thing (though I'm sure it's illegal now).

Guys generally know whether there's latex on their penis or not.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/03/2025 17:53

Huh 🤔 didn’t he do sex education ??? It’s one orgasm per condom
thats so yuk, how are you not horrified and have left him already 🤦‍♀️

Anchorage56 · 15/03/2025 17:52

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 17:50

He said he didn't realise, and just assumed it came off somewhere. Should I not have mentioned anything? I kind of feel bad for 'killing the mood' when we were flirting, but I meant it in a lightheaded jokey way

Show quote history

Ok maybe I'm just jealous the sex must have been so wild he had no idea where the condom went!

Original poster
Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 17:50

Anchorage56 · 15/03/2025 17:48

And why did you have to tell him the condom came off inside you 😆 surely he was aware there was no condom on his willy afterwards

He said he didn't realise, and just assumed it came off somewhere. Should I not have mentioned anything? I kind of feel bad for 'killing the mood' when we were flirting, but I meant it in a lightheaded jokey way

OP posts:
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