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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Never let ANYONE move in!!

88 replies

Engineweld · 15/03/2025 17:25

OH moved in with me 5yrs ago. House is in my name, I have a nice home. I’m very house proud. I’d done everything on it before he moved in.
then I made a mistake.
I let BIL moved in “temporarily” ..he was struggling where he was and having quite a few problems. 2 and half years later he’s finally just moving out. I’ve been trying to get him out for over 12mnths.
But then I walked into the room he’s been using and I’m fuming!
It’s absolutely filthy! Clearly nothing has been cleaned since he moved in. Skirting boards, windows and blind, ceiling, marks and stains everywhere, laminate flooring full of I don’t know what. I bought him 2 sets of drawers when he moved in to help him ..both of them are completely beyond repair and it definitely needs repainting everywhere.
I actually burst into tears over the state of it.
I’m so upset.
I’ve come downstairs and took it out on DH and I know I shouldn’t. It’s not him that’s done it. He’s trying to be practical and saying we’ll just deal with it tomorrow but I’m fuming.
I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve got and to have someone take the p**s like this has just devastated me.
OH took me out of the room, closed the door, and just let me rant. I just can’t get those images out of my head. I’m angry, frustrated, disgusted.

OP posts:
daleylama · 16/03/2025 22:31

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 17:49

I doubt OP will clarify!

MNet sisterhood at work again !

Tgfh · 16/03/2025 22:08

The reason you refuse to "see/understand" how your OH has used and exploited you as much as his brother, is why it went on so long.

Normal people do not have inlaws living with them and ruining part of a house, for 2.5 years.

We teach people how to treat us and you not understanding how you have been royally taken for a mug by both men, is why it could well happen again.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/03/2025 21:29

Glad you finally got rid of him OP. Of course it's not yours or your husband's fault he abused your generosity, people on here love to put blame, when sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.
You wanted him out, and he's finally out, so we'll done for that.
Take the damage a pay off for finally getting rid of him.
Not ideal, but take the wins as you find them.

WhatsitWiggle · 16/03/2025 20:37

That must feel like the final kick in the teeth. Possibly not surprising, but disappointing that someone could treat you with such disrespect.

Redecorate and give that room a new look so memories of the useless lump are not tied to that space.

Mumofteenandtween · 16/03/2025 19:46

This is the same OH that refused to get a job until he had drained all your savings away? (Your user name is cool and distinctive so I remember you.)

Engineweld · 16/03/2025 19:33

AnxietyJane · 16/03/2025 19:26

I'd give him a call and say can I just check when are you coming back to clean the room and are you going to repair or replace the drawers?

Then I'd ask him what happened to the floor! He might not realise he's done anything if you don't bring it up. Or he realises and is just rude!

It’s definitely the latter

OP posts:
Engineweld · 16/03/2025 19:33

BunnyLake · 16/03/2025 16:24

What happens after three days?

To spend 3 days wondering what’s going to happen?? It’s definitely not worth it 🤣🤣🤣 we’ve cleaned everything, we’re redecorating, we’re definitely never taking anyone in again

OP posts:
AnxietyJane · 16/03/2025 19:26

I'd give him a call and say can I just check when are you coming back to clean the room and are you going to repair or replace the drawers?

Then I'd ask him what happened to the floor! He might not realise he's done anything if you don't bring it up. Or he realises and is just rude!

Springhassprungxx · 16/03/2025 18:04

I learned this the hard way too op

ssd · 16/03/2025 17:55

Sorry missed your reply

ssd · 16/03/2025 17:53

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 17:33

In 2.5 years you’ve never popped your head in to this room?

This

OptimisticRealist2024 · 16/03/2025 17:48

FiveBarGate · 16/03/2025 16:40

Okay breathe. Big picture time.

This is annoying but can be fixed. The most important thing is he's out.

Let your OH do a deep clean before you go in again. Do you have any of the flooring left? Is it still sold? You probably don't need to replace all of it.

A quick lick of paint on the walls, ceiling and skirting boards will have it looking good again soon.

I'm not doubting he's been hugely disrespectful but rooms always look bad when you take out most of the furniture.

Don't let this part spoil what should be relief that you have your house back.

This ⬆️

BIL clearly either felt 1) very at home and went blind to his own mess or 2) like you would just sort it.

I'd get DP to have a word with him. Really make him understand how shit it's made you feel, and that this isn't acceptable, that you both feel he should at least have cleared up after he left. DP should emphasise united front and make it clear BIL owes you big time for the hospitality and owes you an apology for the state of it. You don't have to accept the apology, but he should expect to apologise.

I don't think your DP exploited you -- he may just feel it is what it is now and regret saying yes as much as you do. If he's a good egg, he probably feels he's let you down. Make him step up now.

FiveBarGate · 16/03/2025 16:40

Okay breathe. Big picture time.

This is annoying but can be fixed. The most important thing is he's out.

Let your OH do a deep clean before you go in again. Do you have any of the flooring left? Is it still sold? You probably don't need to replace all of it.

A quick lick of paint on the walls, ceiling and skirting boards will have it looking good again soon.

I'm not doubting he's been hugely disrespectful but rooms always look bad when you take out most of the furniture.

Don't let this part spoil what should be relief that you have your house back.

juststrutting · 16/03/2025 16:27

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 16:25

I’m waiting with bated breath also!

Me too!

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 16:25

BunnyLake · 16/03/2025 16:24

What happens after three days?

I’m waiting with bated breath also!

BunnyLake · 16/03/2025 16:24

YourHappyJadeEagle · 16/03/2025 16:06

Cleaner.
Price up replacement furniture for what he’s damaged.
Bill him, payment within 3 working days.

What happens after three days?

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 16:24

Your other thread (s)

Engineweld · 16/03/2025 16:23

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 16:01

In total he’s lived with you rent free for 7 years? 8 years? And your OH moans at you for when your GS stays for a mere week.

Shocking what some posters put up with

Edited

I don’t know where you got 7/8 yrs from. and it definitely wasn’t rent free. As for GS, he moved back with his mum when she finally got a house.

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 16:07

YourHappyJadeEagle · 16/03/2025 16:06

Cleaner.
Price up replacement furniture for what he’s damaged.
Bill him, payment within 3 working days.

And then what? It’s just bluff

YourHappyJadeEagle · 16/03/2025 16:06

Cleaner.
Price up replacement furniture for what he’s damaged.
Bill him, payment within 3 working days.

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 16:01

Engineweld · 16/03/2025 15:59

We’ve both learned a hard lesson. We won’t be helping him again.

In total he’s lived with you rent free for 7 years? 8 years? And your OH moans at you for when your GS stays for a mere week.

Shocking what some posters put up with

Engineweld · 16/03/2025 15:59

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 15:53

He left and came back this time OP so I wouldn’t count on your DP not sidling up to you to suggest his brother temporarily staying again

We’ve both learned a hard lesson. We won’t be helping him again.

OP posts:
Engineweld · 16/03/2025 15:58

CustardySergeant · 15/03/2025 18:00

Have you spoken to your BIL since discovering this?

No. And I don’t want to. He clearly thought this was acceptable so we’ve both just cleaned up, and learned a hard lesson to NEVER help him again, regardless of what he says.

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 15:54

Engineweld · 16/03/2025 15:53

No as it was down to both of us allowing him to move in. We both tried talking with him. Both of us tried helping him. So no, I disagree with OH exploiting me.

It is YOUR home
This is HIS brother

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 15:53

He left and came back this time OP so I wouldn’t count on your DP not sidling up to you to suggest his brother temporarily staying again