Moved in with elderly mum, hate it but stuck

Get out. Your siblings are CF’s as well they just want an in house carer. Bet they’ll turn up for their inheritance though.
I looked after two parents and lived with them. They were both lovely people and it broke me. And I had no DC.
You were not put on this earth to be abused or be someone’s servant.

Absolutely buy your own place and move out asap. If a 2 up 2 down is too small and would cause problems, are there no other places in other areas that would be suitable ? If not, just go for what you can now and maybe move again in a few years ? Do not let the others dictate what you can or cannot do.

This in spades. It will not get better OP, it will get worse. Get out asap. When your siblings complain say you tried it, now it’s their turn.

We live next door to PILs so are the ones left to it. I promise it does not get better, it does not get easier. It’s not like having a baby and getting into a routine. Alzheimer’s says fuck your routine. Get out and save your DC.

Your mum is shouting and abusive. You and your children deserve so much better. Doesn't matter what your siblings have to say. You owe it to your children to step up and put them first.

Move now, buy the house and secure you and DCs future
your siblings saw you as a soft touch.
They are only thinking of a future inheritance.
As she has Dementia, that will soon be swallowed up by care fees anyway.
Don’t discuss it, until you’ve actually moved
you can arrange an Assessment with Adult social services,when you’re sorted.

You need to buy yourself your own home and move out. All your siblings are doing is attempting to protect their potential inheritance. Your Mum's diagnosis will break you completely if you are her carer without a full battalion of support. If your Mum was absolutely amazing, loving, caring and gentle then it may well be a different story. However different types of dementia combined with different personality types can result in vicious, cruel behaviour from the poor person with the diagnosis. And you may have moments of lucidity where you get a 'I love you', but having specialised in dementia care for many years, it will not be worth the strain on you.

I had my mother living with me when she was diagnosed with dementia. I couldn’t move because it was my house. You can.

Believe me, this will only get worse, dementia is a game changer.

Yet another one where the first reply nails it, and why do you think the siblings are entitled to tell you what to do anyway OP?

F* your siblings. Stop taking advice from them - it suits them for you to remain. Buy your two up two down and get the hell out of dodge

Get your own place and move out. I was under pressure from my sibling to look after my mother when she was widowed (she was in perfectly good health and still of working age) because it suited her, it suited them and what I wanted didn't matter. I didn't do it because I knew I would have no privacy and no life of my own. It's very likely your siblings are assuming you can look after your mother for the rest of her life, at which point what happens? It's not your house. You'd probably have to move anyway.

Move, leave your mum there. Make it your siblings problem.

Don't tell you siblings everything! It sounds awful for you and your DC please sort yourself and them out first. A house for you and DC sounds the best way to go from what you say. Of course your siblings want you there because they are using you to look after your Mum, so they don't have to step up!

Buy a home and call social services for an assessment. Arrange to have her food delivered and live further away. Your kids come first.

Surely your DC come first! Who is pushed around by their siblings like this? Do what your DC need. Your DM needs help from everyone, not just you. If dc are settled at school, stay in the area but talk to dc about their needs. Your DM is not the only person needing care. Your DC do too.

What will happen if your mum can't be looked after at home and needs to be in a care home? Will her house need to be sold to pay towards the care home fees?
Where will you and your children live then?
Buy your own place while you can and see if you are able to care for your mum - if that is still what you want to do...

My sibling was against me moving 4 hours away for my DH and a decent job. She doesn't actually get a say in my life decisions. Obviously I take my extended family into consideration when making big decisions, but ultimately my immediate family is my main concern.

So do what's right for you and your kids.

Your siblings played you so you would be the carer and her home might not have to be sold. They don't care about you or your kids. They want money with the least output of their effort.

Buy another place and move as soon as you can and stop being a sucker for them.

If she’s got Alzheimer’s her behaviour will get ever more unpredictable - she can’t help it, it’s the disease. It’s dreadful. But, if you can’t cope, best sort it out now.

Do not listen to your siblings. Having you there as carer means:

1. They don’t have to be, and
2. Money (inheritance) is not being spent on care.

Well tough, this is your life and if you don’t want to live with your mother you don’t have to. If they care that much one of them can move home and live with her instead.

Your siblings want you there to care for Mum so that the house isn't sold to pay for a care home. However there will come a point when Mum needs residential care (aggression/flight risk/risk to herself) and you will have put yourself and your DC through years of misery. I'm not saying don't help her now but you do not have to be living in the same house and the caring should be shared by the other siblings. You will be a better carer and parent if you have space to retreat.

Move out. Don’t discuss it with anyone, just go. If you stay you’ll end up falling out with your kids. They’ll resent you.

I can guarantee when your mum is no longer around, your siblings want you out of that house within weeks if not sooner.

Buy your own place and move out now!

Not only is it not the right or best thing for you and your children but it's probably not the best thing for your mother.

She needs professional care now.

your siblings are not interested in helping you. They want you there to relieve their own guilt. Does your mum want you and your children there? It does not sound like it given that she is shouting at you and the kids. I think you should buy the house you can afford and move out. Life is too short to be miserable.

You are being taken advantage of by your siblings.

Your mother needs higher level of care than you can provide anyway, especially seeing as your priority must be your own children.

You are not able to look after yourself, your children and your mother. It's ridiculous that your siblings expect you to.

Buy your house and liaise with siblings and social services to arrange carers for your mother.