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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:
Whycanineverthinkofone · 15/03/2025 16:19

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:17

3 times this week I've made time to drive her.

Show quote history

Ah you see I interpret that as set aside some time to do so, not that she actually did.

@Vodkamartini3olives ?

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 15/03/2025 16:18

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:15

Oh and remember… lives remotely!

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I don't understand why anyone in this day and age would hinder themselves by not learning to drive if they live remotely. The expectation someone else will always help them is just staggering!

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:17

Whycanineverthinkofone · 15/03/2025 16:16

i don’t think she actually drove to the shop, just had 3 occasions where she had time to do so…?

pretty normal here. Need to go x, I can take you Sunday? Sunday rolls round and she cba, so I carry on with other plans.

Show quote history

3 times this week I've made time to drive her.

Whycanineverthinkofone · 15/03/2025 16:16

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:14

Oh I agree
I live centrally for that very reason

but three times in one week to someone moody and ungrateful? No

Show quote history

i don’t think she actually drove to the shop, just had 3 occasions where she had time to do so…?

pretty normal here. Need to go x, I can take you Sunday? Sunday rolls round and she cba, so I carry on with other plans.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:15

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 15/03/2025 16:14

Oh fgs, another one who doesn't drive so is dependent on someone else to function in life and then spends time whinging about it 🙄 stop meaning and get learning!

Oh and remember… lives remotely!

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:14

Whycanineverthinkofone · 15/03/2025 16:13

Tbf, a teen is stuck as they can’t drive, rather than choosing not to.

i drive my teen around a lot. she is getting lessons though.

An adult expecting me to drive because they cba to learn? Nope.

Show quote history

Oh I agree
I live centrally for that very reason

but three times in one week to someone moody and ungrateful? No

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 15/03/2025 16:14

Oh fgs, another one who doesn't drive so is dependent on someone else to function in life and then spends time whinging about it 🙄 stop meaning and get learning!

Whycanineverthinkofone · 15/03/2025 16:13

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:04

Bloody hell

You have bowed to this madam 3 times in one week?

Show quote history

Tbf, a teen is stuck as they can’t drive, rather than choosing not to.

i drive my teen around a lot. she is getting lessons though.

An adult expecting me to drive because they cba to learn? Nope.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:12

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:10

@Ketchupbroc- No, I've not bowed to her, I've made myself available to do something nice for her because I love her & want to spend time with her but there's only so many times I'll offer.

3 times in 3 weeks you have driven to this shop. and she’s been in an arse every time

3x!

Kahless · 15/03/2025 16:12

Why don't you drive / ride a bike (motor or otherwise)

If you can't drive due to medical /other reasons, then why do you live somewhere isolated?

Turtleyturtles · 15/03/2025 16:10

So you do the bulk of the housework for him and he won't do you a favour and drive? He's selfish. He should learn how to do housework.

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:10

@Ketchupbroc- No, I've not bowed to her, I've made myself available to do something nice for her because I love her & want to spend time with her but there's only so many times I'll offer.

Hhoudini · 15/03/2025 16:08

is there a reason you don’t drive? Is there a reason you moved to an isolated area?

Is there a reason you behaved in a passive aggressive way for two weeks and are surprised that he doesn’t want to play?

YoshiIsCute · 15/03/2025 16:08

Unless there is a medical or legal reason you can’t drive; then YABU. It’s a life skill and if you live in a remote location it’s not optional. Prioritise learning asap

Bazinga007 · 15/03/2025 16:05

YABU.
Driving is a basic life skill.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:04

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:03

I'm having the same argument with my teenage daughter this weekend. There's something she really wants to go & buy from Sephora. 3 times this week I've made time to drive her. All 3 times she's been in a strop because 🙅‍♀️. Today she's desperate for me to take her. Not a chance. I'd tell you the same as her. Get the bus.

Bloody hell

You have bowed to this madam 3 times in one week?

BMW6 · 15/03/2025 16:04

Well you were childish to refuse to go the previous 2 weekends weren't you!

You choose to live rurally and will not (or cannot?) Learn to drive, so you want a taxi service by DH. Are there NO alternatives? No buses, trains, electric bike?

Overthebow · 15/03/2025 16:04

Yabvu. You’re reliant on him, he offered to take you two weekends running and you refused. Why should he take you now? Maybe he doesn’t want to go this weekend.

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:03

I'm having the same argument with my teenage daughter this weekend. There's something she really wants to go & buy from Sephora. 3 times this week I've made time to drive her. All 3 times she's been in a strop because 🙅‍♀️. Today she's desperate for me to take her. Not a chance. I'd tell you the same as her. Get the bus.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2025 16:00

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

How do you get to work?

And why did you move to somewhere isolated in the first place?

Rivari · 15/03/2025 15:56

My DH broke his ankle and I had to do all the driving for 3 months and I was so fed up! You need to learn to drive OP, or to get yourself around by other means. It's not fair on your dh to have to be your chauffeur.

QueenofLouisiana · 15/03/2025 15:54

By the third weekend, I’d have told you to sod off too.

If you live rurally, you need to drive. All the kids who live in our village drive as soon as financially possible, they understand it’s a life skill needed in rural places.

Being solely responsible for driving is a pain in the arse. You feel that you always need to be available, no-one to share it with after nights out etc. I know my FIL gets fed up with chauffeur duties for MIL.

PotolKimchi · 15/03/2025 15:46

Why do you do the bulk of the housework? That's on you.
But your DH did offer to take you. Twice. You were sulking which is a very unattractive trait in an adult. Your DH sounds like an entitled man who thinks housework is beneath him. But on this one issue alone I am not sure you behaved very maturely either.

commonsense61 · 15/03/2025 15:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Ummbelieaveable · 15/03/2025 15:36

Learn to drive and teach DH how the hoover, washing machine etc., work. Sorted.

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