Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 15/03/2025 14:14

He offered to take you and you said no as you were dulling, now you're pissed off he won't take you now you're done sulking.

You are the unreasonable one

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/03/2025 14:13

I think just based on this particular issue you were being unreasonable sorry. He offered to take you twice when it was convenient for him and you refused, for no logical reason, leaving it to the last minute and then expected him to take you whether it was convenient or not.

There are clearly wider issues at play though here. Massive rows that don't seem to get resolved, not telling him when you need help, both of you playing petty games to punish the other one (eg your husband saying no to take you this weekend as he was annoyed you didn't accept his offer before)

Lastly what's the long term solution here? It will get annoying for both of you if you can't travel anywhere. Can you move or learn to drive or pay for taxis or buy an electric bike / scooter

ThePinkPowerRangers · 15/03/2025 14:12

Why live somewhere isolated and not drive?

I grew up rurally and everyone learnt to drive as soon as they could. You’re cutting your nose off to spite your face. He offered, you said no.

outerspacepotato · 15/03/2025 14:11

Chauffeuring another adult constantly gets really, really old. He never has time off from driving. You refused to go with him to get this thing 2 weekends in a row because you were having a tantrum that he's tired of driving you all weekend. You FAFO.

Some people have disabilities where they can't drive. Unless that's the case, you are being unreasonable.

Upstartled · 15/03/2025 14:06

You can't live so far away from everything and being so dependent. What's getting in the way of you being able to drive?

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

rubyslippers · 15/03/2025 14:06

you cut your nose off to spite your face I think
You’re massively dependent on your DH and living somewhere with poor transport links isn’t ideal
is there a reason you can’t / won’t drive
how do you get to and from work?

Oldraver · 15/03/2025 14:05

Stop doing the bulk of the housework, when he wants clean pants tell him no

Then have a serious talk about his attitude,

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Squiggles23 · 15/03/2025 14:05

I think the issue is you live in an isolated area and don’t drive. How has that come about? You either need to move or learn to drive.

araiwa · 15/03/2025 14:04

Fafo