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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 15/03/2025 15:35

He we asked twice! And the fight dragged on for weeks? Bloody hell!

Yellowhammer09 · 15/03/2025 15:33

Learn to drive or get a bike.

BoxOfCats · 15/03/2025 15:30

Sulking is pretty unattractive. And you need to learn to drive.

ForeverPombear · 15/03/2025 15:30

You obviously need to learn to drive.

He offered multiple times to take you and you said no because you were sulking. This is all on you.

Teado · 15/03/2025 15:27

You need to learn to drive (assuming no disability) and he needs to do more housework. The, these spats will stop or at least become less frequent. Your current setup isn’t working.

dialfor · 15/03/2025 15:27

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 15/03/2025 14:14

He offered to take you and you said no as you were dulling, now you're pissed off he won't take you now you're done sulking.

You are the unreasonable one

This, like what the actual? Who behaves like this?

ilovesooty · 15/03/2025 15:26

He's offered to take you twice. I don't blame him for not jumping when you clicked your fingers.

friendlycat · 15/03/2025 15:26

You behaved in a very childish way. Then you paid the price for it.

Maladie · 15/03/2025 15:25

YABU but more importantly, this power imbalance will drive you apart.

You need more independence than this. If you can't learn to drive then use taxis more, or move house. It's hard on you both having it so one sided

Pootlemcsmootle · 15/03/2025 15:24

Sorry OP but you need to learn to drive. It's a lot for one person in a family to do all the driving for everyone, especially when it's small things like going to town to return something. You're too old not to have any independence to get a out on your own.

OnePerkyRedDog · 15/03/2025 15:22

YABU. I was the sole driver for the first year of mine and DH’s relationship and it was an absolute nightmare. You don’t realise what an inconvenience you are to drivers when you don’t drive and expect them to do it all.

TheMimsy · 15/03/2025 15:21

@KeenPeachExpert so you sulked for two
weekends when he offered to do it and now you can’t drag it out any longer he’s had enough?

I think you are going to have to gain your independence and learn to drive, use public transport or look at your locations suitability?

I wouldn’t want to be have to running around driving every weekend after a week of work. are some of the things errands he could do for you after he’s finished work in that area so it’s at least not an additional journey?

Cakeandusername · 15/03/2025 15:16

Living in isolated location and choosing not to drive isn’t compatible. He’s offered to go twice and you said no.
It’s really wearing to have to chauffeur someone around. I’d discuss moving or learning to drive.
As for the housework stop doing the bulk.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 15:15

Learn to drive if you want free choice over when you go places.

I don't blame him for saying no. I don't want to spend my weekends driving people around either.

Fizbosshoes · 15/03/2025 15:10

Sorry I also think you are being a bit unreasonable in that he asked you twice, and you said no. Surely if you don't drive and live somewhere isolated it's easier to pay for delivery, than do click and collect but rely on someone else (although that obviously doesn't resolve other issues that arise from living somewhere where you need a car, but being unable to drive)

I had a work colleague who lived in the middle of nowhere (by choice) but didn't drive and were reliant on DH or a (very limited) bus service. They were late for work virtually every day that they lived there, which was pretty annoying for coworkers.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 15/03/2025 15:07

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me?

He offered twice and you refused because you were sulking.
Why do you not drive, is it by choice?

Tiswa · 15/03/2025 15:01

Oldraver · 15/03/2025 14:05

Stop doing the bulk of the housework, when he wants clean pants tell him no

Then have a serious talk about his attitude,

This - it works both ways

Bailamosse · 15/03/2025 14:59

You lost me at I don’t drive.

Madre123 · 15/03/2025 14:57

Learn to drive

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:56

We haven’t responded see the way you Op expected

so won’t be back!

RawBloomers · 15/03/2025 14:32

The bigger issue is about you not driving but living somewhere you need a car. As others have asked - how did that come about? Was his moan about having to drive you around valid at all? Or are you living where you are because it’s his dream/his job/his needs that put you there and he promised to drive you everywhere when you agreed to the house?

But on the issue you presented of getting this item from the shop - you were in a strop 3 times and he was in a strop once. YWBothU but you were U more often.

PullTheBricksDown · 15/03/2025 14:25

YABU as he'd offered twice. You only decided you could then deign to accept a lift as the shop said time was up to collect it.

Clairey1986 · 15/03/2025 14:19

Yabu

why do you live remotely if you can’t drive? My opinion might change if you could drive but for medical reasons are not allowed any more.

Gogogo12345 · 15/03/2025 14:15

You sound a nightmare. I wouldn't be giving youa lift either with such pissballing about. Grow up, learn to drive or move somewhere with public transport

Stompythedinosaur · 15/03/2025 14:15

If you don't want to use public transport or fit in with the driver's convenience, you should probably learn to drive yourself.

It sounds like you were being quite petty refusing to go when your dh offered to take you. And yes, driving someone else around is a massive pain.

Your dh should, of course, do his share of the housework, but it's a separate issue.