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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send an employee to a client even though she refuses because of her religion?

640 replies

GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 13:30

I have a new employee in my team, she is a devout Muslim. She's been with us since January and there were no issues so far, she's getting along well with everyone and her performance was fine. I sent her an email on Friday afternoon to say that our client has now (finally) prepared all necessary documents and that she should go there and go over everything with them one day next week. She wrote me back today that she can't do that because only men work in the department and she can't spend the day alone with strange men (because of her religion).

AIBU to insist that she does her job and goes there or would that be religious discrimination? She shares an office with a male colleague and has never complained about it. She's the first devout Muslim I've ever had on my team and I honestly have no experience at all with such issues. She's the only one who has the necessary experience and isn't already scheduled elsewhere.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 16/03/2025 11:03

RosesAndHellebores · 16/03/2025 11:00

It depends on the circumstances and whether reasonable adjustments can be made.

What would be the circumstances for segregating sexes or chaperoning women in 21st century Britain workplaces that you would find acceptable? What could be considered a “reasonable” adjustment?

As I said upthread, I don’t believe that sex segregation is acceptable or that chaperones are reasonable on the basis of religion - just to explain where I am on this.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/03/2025 11:00

Ddakji · 16/03/2025 10:41

Do you disagree with “it’s not culturally acceptable to refuse to meet with the opposite sex in your professional role in the UK”?

It depends on the circumstances and whether reasonable adjustments can be made.

redphonecase · 16/03/2025 10:56

BobShark · 16/03/2025 09:55

I’m surprised at some of the responses here, a devout Muslim woman is not allowed to spend time alone in the. Company of just men.

i thought this was widely understood,

i think if there is an alternative for this you should try to accommodate her, and as some PP have suggested confirm the law in this regard with your HR department.

Then she shouldn't take a job where that is needed

Lentilweaver · 16/03/2025 10:53

Already hard for anyone with a " foreign" name, appearance or religion to get a job. I have all 3.
Bringing religion to the workplace makes it harder.

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 10:46

FWIW, my personal opinion is that religion shouldn't be a protected characteristic, but shouldn't be discriminated against either 🤷🏼‍♀️

Same as any other lifestyle choice. It can't trump what isn't a choice, surely ?

This is where the whole gender wars is centred. You can choose your gender (all of us have). You can't choose your sex.

Ddakji · 16/03/2025 10:46

Alicehatter · 16/03/2025 10:42

Oh gosh no of course not, I meant that the employee surely chooses a job they can do reasonably.. obviously completely different scenario if someone suffered a disability after taking the employment!
FWIW, my personal opinion is that religion shouldn't be a protected characteristic, but shouldn't be discriminated against either 🤷🏼‍♀️ If you choose to be something that's going to affect your ability to do a job, totally on you - not the employer!

That is pretty much where the Eqaility Act is, though. Direct Discrimination is quite specific I believe. So, for example, you can’t refuse someone good or a service in the basis of PCs. That’s not what’s happening here, this woman was employed. I don’t think her religion should protect her from the sack if her practice of it precludes her from doing the job she’s contracted to do.

Alicehatter · 16/03/2025 10:42

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 10:34

I'm all for supporting people with their choices/beliefs/disabilities,

They aren't all equal though. Unless you are suggesting people choose to be disabled ? Suppose a blind employee was told they couldn't bring their assistance dog in because it was against a colleagues choice of religion ? Which isn't too contrived. There have been cases where taxi drivers have refused to carry passengers with guide dogs due to religion. (And I admit in advance that's not an employer-employee situation, but a customer-service provider one).

Oh gosh no of course not, I meant that the employee surely chooses a job they can do reasonably.. obviously completely different scenario if someone suffered a disability after taking the employment!
FWIW, my personal opinion is that religion shouldn't be a protected characteristic, but shouldn't be discriminated against either 🤷🏼‍♀️ If you choose to be something that's going to affect your ability to do a job, totally on you - not the employer!

Ddakji · 16/03/2025 10:41

RosesAndHellebores · 16/03/2025 10:31

As an HR Director with Jewish heritage, I disagree with every aspect of this post.

Do you disagree with “it’s not culturally acceptable to refuse to meet with the opposite sex in your professional role in the UK”?

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 10:40

OP, hope you can find a legal way through this because I feel you have been mislead during interview by this person.

In a world with more cameras than people, I find it odd that interviews aren't recorded. Maybe they should be ? Just in case someone "forgets" that someone was clearly stated in an interview and then acts all surprised when it happens.

(In my last year at Uni, our Business Studies module had us practising mock interviews that were videotaped. Nerdy types needing a little extra instruction in the social interaction scene than most. That was mid 80s.).

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 10:34

I'm all for supporting people with their choices/beliefs/disabilities,

They aren't all equal though. Unless you are suggesting people choose to be disabled ? Suppose a blind employee was told they couldn't bring their assistance dog in because it was against a colleagues choice of religion ? Which isn't too contrived. There have been cases where taxi drivers have refused to carry passengers with guide dogs due to religion. (And I admit in advance that's not an employer-employee situation, but a customer-service provider one).

CautiousLurker01 · 16/03/2025 10:33

FarmGirl78 · 16/03/2025 10:26

I think you'd fall foul of discrimination laws if you charged the client more because you needed to send a chaperone with her. You'd be charging them more because they're men, or perhaps indirect descrimination against them because of someone else's religion. Those are costs your company would have to suck up as your reasonable adjustments of employing her.

You have to tread very carefully here. You even thinking about charging the client more indicates your company needs a much increased level of basic equality and diversity training.

As I understand it, she has no intention of charging the client more for a chaperone - Op was stating that this would be the only way to preserve the profit on the job. I suspect if P goes to the meeting she will likely have to charge at the same rate as the employee who is refusing to attend, so is already risking that loss, and is likely bound to do so because she has costed - and quoted a fee to the client - based on being able to send this employee.

Going forward, it means she cannot price jobs competitively as she now has to allow for this person being unavailable to do many client facing site visits and meetings - it puts her business and risk and may lose her clients.

OP, hope you can find a legal way through this because I feel you have been mislead during interview by this person.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/03/2025 10:31

Panterusblackish · 16/03/2025 10:11

Do this, be as gracious as possible in offering alternatives. Record the efforts you've made. Give her absolutely no come back.

Then sack her within the two year period because 'it's not working out'.

No one would put up with a Christian or a Jewish person taking a job they know they're cannot perform.

It's not culturally acceptable to refuse to meet with the opposite sex in your professional role in the UK. Neither should it be, it's as bad as the Muslim man that would not shake hands with women. Discrimination on the basis of his made up sky fairy.

It's this kind of shit, the erosion of Western liberal values that is leading to the rise of the right. It's why the USA has Trump.

I wouldn't move to Saudi and walk round eating a bacon sarnie whilst wearing a bikini top. They have strong boundaries about what they consider acceptable. The UK needs to work on healthy boundaries before we end up with Farage in charge.

As an HR Director with Jewish heritage, I disagree with every aspect of this post.

Alicehatter · 16/03/2025 10:30

I'd love to hear an update OP when you've spoken to HR/lawyers, just out of pure interest!
I'm all for supporting people with their choices/beliefs/disabilities, but I also think the onus is on the individual to take a role that doesn't need adjusting from the get-go! How many paraplegic hod carriers/firmen/paramedics are there? Extreme example i know, but my point is they wouldn't apply for a job they couldn't do, so why should religion be any different? Surely a career in a predominantly female setting would be better if you're going to allow this aspect of your religion to affect your career and wider business? Genuinely intrigued!

FarmGirl78 · 16/03/2025 10:26

I think you'd fall foul of discrimination laws if you charged the client more because you needed to send a chaperone with her. You'd be charging them more because they're men, or perhaps indirect descrimination against them because of someone else's religion. Those are costs your company would have to suck up as your reasonable adjustments of employing her.

You have to tread very carefully here. You even thinking about charging the client more indicates your company needs a much increased level of basic equality and diversity training.

saraclara · 16/03/2025 10:18

BobShark · 16/03/2025 09:55

I’m surprised at some of the responses here, a devout Muslim woman is not allowed to spend time alone in the. Company of just men.

i thought this was widely understood,

i think if there is an alternative for this you should try to accommodate her, and as some PP have suggested confirm the law in this regard with your HR department.

I worked for decades in a town with a very high percentage of Muslims. 70% of our pupils were Muslim, and many of my colleagues, particularly TAs, were Muslim.
Every single one of my colleagues would be alone with a male teacher or TA at some point. It was never an issue, nor did it ever cross my mind that it could be.

My TAs would be pretty annoyed to not be considered devout. Based on my experience, those Muslim women who will not be alone with a man at work, must be a tiny minority of exceptionally devout Muslims.

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 10:17

Some of us don't care what Islam says about this matter.

As is our right - not just choice. Right.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 16/03/2025 10:14

BobShark · 16/03/2025 09:55

I’m surprised at some of the responses here, a devout Muslim woman is not allowed to spend time alone in the. Company of just men.

i thought this was widely understood,

i think if there is an alternative for this you should try to accommodate her, and as some PP have suggested confirm the law in this regard with your HR department.

Some of us don't care what Islam says about this matter. We also dont believe Islam should have any influence over it. We care about equality in the workplace not outdated or misogynistic restrictive working practices. We have enough problems with equality without religious bad actors of any denomination restricting our movements.

Panterusblackish · 16/03/2025 10:11

RosesAndHellebores · 15/03/2025 13:42

Can a reasonable accommodation be made? Could the meeting take place somewhere neutral like a cafe? Could the chap come to your office on this occasion? Are the rules tighter because it's Ramadan?

I wonder what devout Muslim women doctors do? Presumably they can't refuse to see male patients?

You can't just sack her without working through reasonable alternatives and proving they are not operationally possible.

Do this, be as gracious as possible in offering alternatives. Record the efforts you've made. Give her absolutely no come back.

Then sack her within the two year period because 'it's not working out'.

No one would put up with a Christian or a Jewish person taking a job they know they're cannot perform.

It's not culturally acceptable to refuse to meet with the opposite sex in your professional role in the UK. Neither should it be, it's as bad as the Muslim man that would not shake hands with women. Discrimination on the basis of his made up sky fairy.

It's this kind of shit, the erosion of Western liberal values that is leading to the rise of the right. It's why the USA has Trump.

I wouldn't move to Saudi and walk round eating a bacon sarnie whilst wearing a bikini top. They have strong boundaries about what they consider acceptable. The UK needs to work on healthy boundaries before we end up with Farage in charge.

RedToothBrush · 16/03/2025 10:10

Newtt · 16/03/2025 08:52

This is very pertinent.

OP needs to understand the longer term implications in job planning and costing.

How likely is it that OP’s employee may turn up to an on site meeting and the clients turn out to be a group of males?

How acceptable would it be to request details of attendees at on site client meetings and updates of substitutions if ‘the woman’ on a client team were not to attend for some reason?

I have no idea what is normal or acceptable practice or occurrence - but this is bigger than a one off situation and the implications need to be thought through fully.

It sounds like it is time for an HR policy to be formulated for meetings / conduct in general which clarify expectations of staff at each level. Transparency on job / hiring requirements for both potential employees and employer are needed here.

I’m sure any policy (and law) would constantly evolve, but seems essential to put a starting point in place for everyone’s sake.

This is where 'reasonable' is relevant. If it means the business can't be competitive and is losing contracts and business because its financially unsustainable and it's damaging client relationships, then actually there maybe grounds to say the request can't be met and there's reasonable grounds to turn in down and that they will have to adjust the job role in other ways but that may mean she can't carry out the role she was hired for.

It's definitely one for lawyers.

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 10:04

I’m surprised at some of the responses here, a devout Muslim woman is not allowed to spend time alone in the. Company of just men.

The thing is, you can chose how devout you are. You can't chose being a man. Or a woman. (Well not in theory).

BobShark · 16/03/2025 09:55

I’m surprised at some of the responses here, a devout Muslim woman is not allowed to spend time alone in the. Company of just men.

i thought this was widely understood,

i think if there is an alternative for this you should try to accommodate her, and as some PP have suggested confirm the law in this regard with your HR department.

SerendipityJane · 16/03/2025 09:53

Alltheprettyseahorses · 16/03/2025 09:27

Having a protected characteristic is a shield against discrimination. It does not mean she doesn't have to perform reasonable duties as part of her job that any other employee would also be expected to undertake.

The unplalatable truth though, is that there are protected charateristics and "protected charateristics"

Protected Charateristics:
Age,
Sex,
Disability,
Sexual Orientation,
Nationality ("race" whatever that is)

"Protected Charateristics:"
Gender (inc Gender reassignment),
Religion,
Nationality ("race" whatever that is) (not a mistake 😀),
Pregnancy,
Marital Status

Now that isn't a legal list, obviously. It's more a field spotters guide. But some will have spotted why there are two categories (feel free to comment, not that you need my permission 😆) and how easy it is to set up a perpetual struggle between them, were one so inclined.

A previous poster commented that there is a need to radically overhaul the equalities act. Personally I'd be happy to see what we have actually implemented. But any update should really reflect the reality of the above. Which I would be the first to admit is up for discussion and not a settled view.

A miscevious person - or an "AI" bot in training - could have hours of fun creating all sorts of plausible scenarious where there is a "Battle of the Characteristics". In fact I might do that for fun. 😀

SussexLass87 · 16/03/2025 09:28

handsdownthebest · 16/03/2025 07:29

WOW. What a bigoted post. Are you Tommy Robinson's PA?

Hope you're not referring to me there....

Alltheprettyseahorses · 16/03/2025 09:27

Having a protected characteristic is a shield against discrimination. It does not mean she doesn't have to perform reasonable duties as part of her job that any other employee would also be expected to undertake.

ChilliLips · 16/03/2025 09:17

Ddakji · 16/03/2025 09:12

All this talk of chaperones is genuinely disgusting. This is Britain the 21st century. We do not chaperone women, we do not segregate by sex in the workplace. And we should not be pandering to those who want to drag our country backwards in the name of religion. If anyone asked me to be a chaperone in this circumstance I would point blank refuse.

How anyone can call that “reasonable” I can’t think.

The irony is those supporting it will seriously consider themselves to be ‘progressive’ and ‘anti sexism’