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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send an employee to a client even though she refuses because of her religion?

640 replies

GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 13:30

I have a new employee in my team, she is a devout Muslim. She's been with us since January and there were no issues so far, she's getting along well with everyone and her performance was fine. I sent her an email on Friday afternoon to say that our client has now (finally) prepared all necessary documents and that she should go there and go over everything with them one day next week. She wrote me back today that she can't do that because only men work in the department and she can't spend the day alone with strange men (because of her religion).

AIBU to insist that she does her job and goes there or would that be religious discrimination? She shares an office with a male colleague and has never complained about it. She's the first devout Muslim I've ever had on my team and I honestly have no experience at all with such issues. She's the only one who has the necessary experience and isn't already scheduled elsewhere.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 18/03/2025 13:28

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 18/03/2025 12:41

Ok. Feel free to read the thread to answer that question.

I have ready the thread, and more specifically, OP's own posts. I cannot see where she states she is in England, which is why I asked the question. But if you don't want to answer it, fine.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 18/03/2025 12:41

Butchyrestingface · 18/03/2025 12:30

I think you've missed my point. I wasn't implying the OP was overseas. I was asking if she had said she was in ENGLAND. I am, for example, in the UK. I am not in England.

Ok. Feel free to read the thread to answer that question.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 18/03/2025 12:31

C8H10N4O2 · 18/03/2025 10:09

Good job that isn't remotely what was said then isn't it?

I described two different situatiosn requiring the same or similar adjustment. Everything else is you projecting your own prejudices. I note you failed to answer the question.

Interestingly in decades of experience in consulting/advisory in a heavily male dominated area I have experienced the need resulting from assault/abuse scenario a few times but never that combination of religious observance clahing unavoidably with a 100% male client or 100% male client working in an enclosed space.

I stand by my statement.

Butchyrestingface · 18/03/2025 12:30

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 18/03/2025 12:27

Fair point. I have made assumptions based on the fact that OP has not said that the equality legislation, which has been linked and referred to several times on this thread, is not relevant because they are overseas.

I think you've missed my point. I wasn't implying the OP was overseas. I was asking if she had said she was in ENGLAND. I am, for example, in the UK. I am not in England.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 18/03/2025 12:27

Butchyrestingface · 18/03/2025 09:42

Did OP say she was in England?

Fair point. I have made assumptions based on the fact that OP has not said that the equality legislation, which has been linked and referred to several times on this thread, is not relevant because they are overseas.

C8H10N4O2 · 18/03/2025 10:18

GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 23:22

So, I haven't replied to her and won't until I've spoken to someone who can tell me big No's. I have a meeting with our HR lady first thing Monday, and we will be trying to consult a lawyer the same day. Trying to tread very carefully here.

If need be, I can make the client appointment myself, but of course it will throw our fee calculation (and everything else) completely overboard.

To all those suggesting a chaperone: you've never worked in a professional setting, have you? Taking an aunt to a client appointment? They'd never take her seriously after such a stunt. She's a senior, not some fresh intern. Would you also suggest bringing your mum to a job interview? What a load of bollocks. But thanks for the laugh.

Edited

Really? You have spent time and resources recruiting someone with senior level skills in an in-demand area such that you can't backfill and yet your go-to is not to discuss further with the employee and possibly the client but to go straight down the legal route? And your HR team can't answer a standard question on equalities law - which is bread and butter to most HR teams, especially in consulting/advisory.

If she is senior there is another option to consider in addition to those above - a junior on the bench as note taker but using the opportunity to learn about the client and client management during the meeting. My juniors would be gagging for this kind of opportunity between roles.
Presumably you have a company NDA based agreement with the client and not a list of names? I've never had a client say "no" to this, subject to the junior being cleared if required for the industsry. I find you notion that this common industry practice is the equivalent of "taking your mum" along to the meeting to be very bizarre.

Its really depressing on a women centred forum that the immediate reaction of so many is "just sack her". I can only assume none of these people have ever worked in a consulting model or tried to recruit expensive skills and I really hope none of them are in management positions or otherwise responsible for staff careers. The level of religion/Islaam bashing on this thread is depressingly unsurprising as well.

C8H10N4O2 · 18/03/2025 10:09

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 15/03/2025 21:47

To conflate observing a religion through choice with a sexual assault is disgusting.

Good job that isn't remotely what was said then isn't it?

I described two different situatiosn requiring the same or similar adjustment. Everything else is you projecting your own prejudices. I note you failed to answer the question.

Interestingly in decades of experience in consulting/advisory in a heavily male dominated area I have experienced the need resulting from assault/abuse scenario a few times but never that combination of religious observance clahing unavoidably with a 100% male client or 100% male client working in an enclosed space.

Butchyrestingface · 18/03/2025 09:42

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 17/03/2025 22:53

Muslim bashing? I have a healthy contempt for misogynic practices in ALL religions. To expect people to accommodate chaperones in a professional technical advisory setting is dragging women back to the dark ages. It makes no commercial sense either.

Factually this is England and it is 2025. Chaperones, outside of a few specific settings, should never be a thing here.

Did OP say she was in England?

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 17/03/2025 22:53

Pepjjgf · 17/03/2025 20:09

Is sad to see Muslim bashing on this thread and calling her beliefs the "dark ages" or "in the wrong century".

Muslim bashing? I have a healthy contempt for misogynic practices in ALL religions. To expect people to accommodate chaperones in a professional technical advisory setting is dragging women back to the dark ages. It makes no commercial sense either.

Factually this is England and it is 2025. Chaperones, outside of a few specific settings, should never be a thing here.

redphonecase · 17/03/2025 21:55

@GelatinousDynamo What did your hr and legal advice say?

BillyILash · 17/03/2025 21:14

Pepjjgf · 17/03/2025 19:32

But why would him voicing his upset to a counsellor cause the police to be called?

as I said “I’m assuming because Katemax82 DS didn’t react well.” How that happened I would have no idea, only the people involved would, but given we have no idea of the posters sons needs he could have reacted badly or the girl could have reacted badly that he wouldn’t bow to her religious needs or others present could have acted badly, so the other people there felt they needed to call the police. It’s not that hard of a stretch to see how situations, any situations could escalate and police being called especially in an education setting where I assume they had protocols in place for disturbances 🤷‍♀️

HelplessSoul · 17/03/2025 20:59

@blubberyboo "She shakes hands and works with them as long as they are married."

Thats not what the OP stated -

"She shares her office with a male colleague and has no problems shaking hands with men"

Ergo, the woman has no protected characteristics. She is selective in her bullshit faith observance and is enacting insubordination.

Therefore, she should be summarily sacked - even more so because she hasnt been there 2 years.

blubberyboo · 17/03/2025 20:18

HelplessSoul · 17/03/2025 20:12

As I pointed out earlier in the thread, the woman has NO protected characteristics since she shakes hands with other non related men and shares an office with one.

She is being a selective cunt about it and frankly should be fired for insubordination. Thats the bottom line.

She shakes hands and works with them as long as they are married.

Meaning she discriminates against her clients based on 2 protected characteristics to her one.
They are male- sex
They are not married- marital status

No reasonable adjustment can be made since the employer is not permitted to ask or hold/process such sensitive info about their clients or employees under GDPR.
Reasonable adjustments only allow you to do the same job in a different way. Eg different meal time to allow prayers. You aren't allowed extra time off since that would discriminate against all other employees for having a different belief or none.
Same applies here. She doesn't get to shirk off on part of her work or offload it to a colleague and she doesn't get to practice discrimination whilst she does it.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/03/2025 20:15

If a Roman Catholic espoused the Church‘s official line on homosexuality in a workplace they’d be in trouble. You have to be realistic.

Pepjjgf · 17/03/2025 20:13

Parsley1234 · 17/03/2025 20:11

It’s not Muslim bashing she’s been employed to do a job but she can’t due to her beliefs how can this be resolved ?

Wouldn't say every post is Muslim bashing but there is some on this thread

HelplessSoul · 17/03/2025 20:12

BillyILash · 17/03/2025 18:53

I’m assuming because @Katemax82 DS didn’t react well.

But it dose beg the question, who’s “protected characteristics” are more important @Katemax82 DS who has a legally recognised disability or the Muslim woman who chooses to practise her faith??

For me disability over faith every time. I was born into a particular faith, however it dose not mean I do not have the freedom to choose how I practise it. Someone with a disability has no choice.

Back to the op, this lady choose her career and trained for it knowing it was male dominated, if she can’t perform the job she’s hired to do which apparently means meeting with men on her own at times then she needs to understand that she either gives up this chosen career, which op says she’s good at, I would see this a shame and set back for women’s equality or she finds a way to manage her job and religion herself at no cost/inconvenience her employer or clients.

As I pointed out earlier in the thread, the woman has NO protected characteristics since she shakes hands with other non related men and shares an office with one.

She is being a selective cunt about it and frankly should be fired for insubordination. Thats the bottom line.

Parsley1234 · 17/03/2025 20:11

It’s not Muslim bashing she’s been employed to do a job but she can’t due to her beliefs how can this be resolved ?

Pepjjgf · 17/03/2025 20:09

Is sad to see Muslim bashing on this thread and calling her beliefs the "dark ages" or "in the wrong century".

Parsley1234 · 17/03/2025 20:07

Who would be an employer in 2025 ? What has the woman said as an alternative to her going to the meeting ? Imagine a contractor turning up with a chaperone WTF ! Quickest way for a business to lose customers if she can’t do the job she’s being paid for that’s it she’s out. Surely ?

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 17/03/2025 19:38

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 19:34

This

No, not this. This is England in 2025, not the dark ages.

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 19:34

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 13:46

Religion is a protected characteristic.

Just send someone else with her.

This

Pepjjgf · 17/03/2025 19:32

BillyILash · 17/03/2025 18:53

I’m assuming because @Katemax82 DS didn’t react well.

But it dose beg the question, who’s “protected characteristics” are more important @Katemax82 DS who has a legally recognised disability or the Muslim woman who chooses to practise her faith??

For me disability over faith every time. I was born into a particular faith, however it dose not mean I do not have the freedom to choose how I practise it. Someone with a disability has no choice.

Back to the op, this lady choose her career and trained for it knowing it was male dominated, if she can’t perform the job she’s hired to do which apparently means meeting with men on her own at times then she needs to understand that she either gives up this chosen career, which op says she’s good at, I would see this a shame and set back for women’s equality or she finds a way to manage her job and religion herself at no cost/inconvenience her employer or clients.

But why would him voicing his upset to a counsellor cause the police to be called?

Bleeky · 17/03/2025 19:12

Am picturing an employment tribunal where the employee cannot attend because it’s in a room with men …

BillyILash · 17/03/2025 18:53

Pepjjgf · 16/03/2025 19:07

Why would the police have been called?

I’m assuming because @Katemax82 DS didn’t react well.

But it dose beg the question, who’s “protected characteristics” are more important @Katemax82 DS who has a legally recognised disability or the Muslim woman who chooses to practise her faith??

For me disability over faith every time. I was born into a particular faith, however it dose not mean I do not have the freedom to choose how I practise it. Someone with a disability has no choice.

Back to the op, this lady choose her career and trained for it knowing it was male dominated, if she can’t perform the job she’s hired to do which apparently means meeting with men on her own at times then she needs to understand that she either gives up this chosen career, which op says she’s good at, I would see this a shame and set back for women’s equality or she finds a way to manage her job and religion herself at no cost/inconvenience her employer or clients.

Futurehappiness · 17/03/2025 17:53

Scirocco · 17/03/2025 11:37

The hadith "For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him" was quoted earlier. If anyone's interested, here's an alternative perspective on it (disclaimer: writing from a Sunni background, not a fully qualified scholar, other perspectives exist, Allah knows best).

For background, a hadith is an account of something said or done by The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) or his companions, passed through a chain of narration/recording. (Side note: much of sharia law is actually derived from hadith rather than the Qur'an). Given the factors which may make an account unreliable after hundreds of years, there are academic processes for evaluating the authenticity of these accounts and only a comparatively small number are considered robustly reliable. When considering the reliability of a hadith, people weigh up the credibility of the entire chain of narrators/recorders, the completeness of documentation, consistency with other evidence, etc. It's not simply a case of something being a hadith automatically being considered factual. Something can be a hadith and be considered a 'weak' hadith.

There is not a universal agreement about the reliability of the hadith quoted. Some scholars consider it to be 'strong' (to have a good enough chain of evidence and historical preservation). Others disagree. There are debates about a potential 'break in the chain' and unreliability of at least one narrator, for example. Some scholars from the Hanafi and Maliki schools (two of the main schools of thought in Sunni Islam) consider that a prohibition is not proven without evidence from the Qur'an and authentic hadiths, consistent with the principle that, in daily life, lawful things are permissible until explicitly stated not to be. Another interesting point about this particular hadith is that, while it is often brought out in modern times, it didn't actually appear to be the basis for rulings about boundaries between men and women in the early Islamic period.

Moving on to the text of the hadith, a key word in the hadith is 'touch', which is a translation of a verb in Arabic arising from the root word 'mass' (mim, seen, seen). While 'touch' is a valid translation, the Arabic word is one which is often used to refer to something more intimate / deeper than a simple handshake - for example, it can be used to mean sexual intercourse. A number of scholars therefore don't consider this hadith to be about ordinary daily interactions at all, but about sexual/intimate interactions.

So, basically, this hadith isn't a universally accepted basis for not working with men. There are also multiple accounts of Muslim women working in mixed sex environments since the time of The Prophet (pbuh), including as scholars, in healthcare, in business, in leadership positions, etc.

That is really interesting @Scirocco thank you.

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