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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send an employee to a client even though she refuses because of her religion?

640 replies

GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 13:30

I have a new employee in my team, she is a devout Muslim. She's been with us since January and there were no issues so far, she's getting along well with everyone and her performance was fine. I sent her an email on Friday afternoon to say that our client has now (finally) prepared all necessary documents and that she should go there and go over everything with them one day next week. She wrote me back today that she can't do that because only men work in the department and she can't spend the day alone with strange men (because of her religion).

AIBU to insist that she does her job and goes there or would that be religious discrimination? She shares an office with a male colleague and has never complained about it. She's the first devout Muslim I've ever had on my team and I honestly have no experience at all with such issues. She's the only one who has the necessary experience and isn't already scheduled elsewhere.

OP posts:
mudandgrass · 15/03/2025 14:50

Bailamosse · 15/03/2025 14:41

It’s absolute disgraceful that this is being put forward as a solution in the UK in 2025.

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I know. And even aside of the unnecessary cost to the company, I would not be happy to have to chaperone for this reason snd waste my time doing this. I would still have my own workload which I would still have to do, and end up working later, to accommodate this.

Original poster
GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 14:50

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:43

Does she usually WFH?
Is this the first meeting she has had to attend?

We all come into the office 3 days per week, but she's never attended a meeting on her own until now. I've come along the first two times, because I wanted to see her "in action".

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:50

OP does she usually WFH?
was she advised that she would need to attend client facing In person meetings?

Terrribletwos · 15/03/2025 14:49

GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 14:48

Yes. I know her old company, it's a bit of an "old boys' club", so I simply assumed it was because of her gender.

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Ah, so you were misled?

StarDolphins · 15/03/2025 14:48

I know you possibly can’t op but I would say this is what’s required so either do it or leave.

presumably she must’ve known she would have to meet with clients and if you can’t do certain aspects of your role, it needs to be clearly mentioned at interview stage.

Original poster
GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 14:48

Terrribletwos · 15/03/2025 14:42

Did she tell you this at interview?

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Yes. I know her old company, it's a bit of an "old boys' club", so I simply assumed it was because of her gender.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 15/03/2025 14:47

Bailamosse · 15/03/2025 14:41

It’s absolute disgraceful that this is being put forward as a solution in the UK in 2025.

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Can you imagine it? "Good morning Mr Client. I'm Mrs Muslim and this is Miss Chaperone. She won't be doing any work (other than sticking to me like glue) but you will be paying for her time. Now, my ground rules for today are as follows......."

4forksache · 15/03/2025 14:46

Interesting to find out hr’s position on this.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:46

Your DH wants you to fire her?

Presumably he’s gunning for you too to be fired

mudandgrass · 15/03/2025 14:45

MayaPinion · 15/03/2025 14:19

That’s different. My understanding is that Muslim women are not allowed to be alone with men they are not related to. You may not agree with that but that’s the rule. Nowhere does it say that a Christian cannot be in the company of a gay person. They’re not allowed to ‘be’ a gay person 🙄 but there’s no law against spending time with them.

OP, ask the employee what they can do to achieve the same outcome. If she is otherwise good at her job and this is a small part of it I would endeavour to find a solution - it’s hard to find good staff. If it is a big part of the job and will have a significant impact on the business, and there are no reasonable adjustments that can be made, then that’s a different conversation.

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There’s no ‘law’ in Islam either. What there are, are different interpretations and beliefs in Islam around this.

What is a law in the UK is that you cannot refuse to provide a service to someone because of their protected characteristic, ( such as being of the male sex). This is why Christians ( and Muslims etc) are not allowed to refuse a service to someone because they are gay.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 15/03/2025 14:44

Chungai · 15/03/2025 14:29

Absolutely, and make sure they know their stuff. I think sacking her for this if she's otherwise doing a good job would be discrimination.

I know some devout Muslims through my son's friends and the husband would never come to the door as he would be "alone" with me and the wife was uncomfortable if my husband dropped my son off at the door etc and wouldn't be allowed in the house if she was the only adult.

Is there any way round it eg could another female colleague attend, could it be held virtually on Teams, could she swap jobs with another colleague? Reasonable adjustments should be offered

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I don't think it is reasonable to expect one colleague to cover for another in relation to a core aspect of the role if it is for the reason given here.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:43

Does she usually WFH?
Is this the first meeting she has had to attend?

Terrribletwos · 15/03/2025 14:42

GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 14:39

Thank you everyone for your input (although it's hard to keep up with all the questions).

She covers her hair, but does not wear a burka or anything. She's in a technical field, so, sadly, her main points of contact on any project will usually be men. She's told me she quit her previous company because they wouldn't assign her to the prestigious jobs, and now I'm wondering if this might have been the reason why.

We do have HR, but we're not a huge company with endless resources, so would probably have to seek outside counsel.

It's not that easy to "just send her with someone else" - we get paid by the hour, and the client does not expect to have to pay for another person just because a senior I'm sending him is uncomfortable with men.

Did she tell you this at interview?

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:42

It is your company isn’t it Op?

SanctusInDistress · 15/03/2025 14:42

does her job description say that she is required to meet with external clients?

if that’s the case, and she signed the contract, then she has two options:

  1. resfuse to do so and be taken through performance management. She will threaten suing, but she won’t winz
  2. resign and find a job where there is no requirement to meet with external clients

its very simple

Bailamosse · 15/03/2025 14:41

Doggymummar · 15/03/2025 14:25

She just needs a chaperone, crikey is it that had to facilitate in 2025? Or they can meet in public coffee shop, hotel lobby eyc

It’s absolute disgraceful that this is being put forward as a solution in the UK in 2025.

Terrribletwos · 15/03/2025 14:40

ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 14:39

Because he was asked to move for sexist reasons very outdated in 2025?

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For sexist reasons? What do you mean?

Original poster
GelatinousDynamo · 15/03/2025 14:39

Thank you everyone for your input (although it's hard to keep up with all the questions).

She covers her hair, but does not wear a burka or anything. She's in a technical field, so, sadly, her main points of contact on any project will usually be men. She's told me she quit her previous company because they wouldn't assign her to the prestigious jobs, and now I'm wondering if this might have been the reason why.

We do have HR, but we're not a huge company with endless resources, so would probably have to seek outside counsel.

It's not that easy to "just send her with someone else" - we get paid by the hour, and the client does not expect to have to pay for another person just because a senior I'm sending him is uncomfortable with men.

OP posts:
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 14:39

Terrribletwos · 15/03/2025 14:38

Why did he take umbrage to this?

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Because he was asked to move for sexist reasons very outdated in 2025?

ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 14:38

Stompythedinosaur · 15/03/2025 14:17

Of course you should try to accommodate your worker's needs, I'm amazed so few people think this. I have absolutely shifted rotas so Muslim women are not alone with an all male team. It's not that unusual a request at all!

Her needs are her own to accommodate. She should’ve chosen another job.

Terrribletwos · 15/03/2025 14:38

Katemax82 · 15/03/2025 14:36

Be very careful..my autistic sons was asked to move seats at college because a Muslim girl needed to sit down and wasn't allowed next to a boy..he nearly got the police called on him because he took umbrage to this and voiced his upset to his counsellor about it

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Why did he take umbrage to this?

lizzyBennet08 · 15/03/2025 14:38

outerspacepotato · 15/03/2025 13:48

I would send another coworker and respect her religious guidelines as a Muslim woman and accommodate them.

While that’s all well and good. Employers will see that as a utter waste of time and money for the other employee versus simply hiring a) non devout Muslim or b) any man.

in a role where she is out in the world , ensuring that she is never potentially left alone with a male client is usually simply unworkable.

Katemax82 · 15/03/2025 14:36

MumChp · 15/03/2025 13:33

I would ask her to get the job don or find another job. Religion isn't an excuse to pick and choose.

Be very careful..my autistic sons was asked to move seats at college because a Muslim girl needed to sit down and wasn't allowed next to a boy..he nearly got the police called on him because he took umbrage to this and voiced his upset to his counsellor about it

NoTouch · 15/03/2025 14:36

If you can make reasonable adjustments make them. If you can't, tell her there are no other options and why, ask her if she is willing to reconsider (without telling her she has to).

Either way discuss with HR as soon as possible, outlining the issues it is going to cause your department and ask for advice on how to handle going forward.

honeylulu · 15/03/2025 14:35

The job needs to be done for the benefit of the company.
Employer can make reasonable accommodations. Can you think of any that would be workable? And that she would accept?

It would not seem unreasonable to ask her what accommodations would be workable to her so you can consider if they are workable for the business. If she says none, except not going when attending in person is essential then HR needs to consider if she actually has the capability to do the job, but it needs careful consideration.

Others have suggested a chaperone but I imagine that is problematic for the company in that they'll be paying another employee to twiddle their thumbs just being present somewhere they wouldn't normally be. Would it be acceptable to your company and the client if she brought her own chaperone such as a relative? That wouldn't work in my industry for confidentiality reasons but it might work for yours. It would also put some onus on her to help solve the problem instead of saying nope, can't do that.

Did she appreciate that working on this project required her to attend their offices. If so it's poor show that she's only mentioning it now that all the prep is done.

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