A religion one here -aibu to find my work colleagues comments offensive

"her saying that if the father didn’t forgive the killer - he couldn’t be forgiven by god"

She overstepped the mark here imo. She's trying to impose her religious beliefs onto someonelse, a man who is going through the major trauma of having had his wife and two of his three daughters murdered. Whether he can forgive the perpetrator is his call to make, not hers.
I've no idea what she meant by not knowing the whole story but her take just sounds batshit crazy.

I wouldn't be offended but I'd make a mental note to limit future conversation topics with her to beige subjects such as the weather.

I think she’s bonkers, and it’s nothing to do with her religion, she’s just using an interpretation of her religious teachings to justify her bizarre view that a bereaved family should forgive a triple murderer and rapist. Or she’s so devoid of critical thinking that she can’t form an opinion and just parrots whatever she thinks the bible says.

Btw, any religion can be twisted in any manner to justify opposing views. I was once part of a bible study group where we debated capital punishment, and the group leader was in favour, while others were against. It was interesting and eye opening to see them all use the same religious teachings to justify their world view.

Still, you can’t debate a religious person. It’s like trying to argue with someone on the looney left, or a member of the woke cult. They’re not interested in debate. And they’re not open to new ideas. They already know the truth.

I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I’m religious and have changed my mind about various things over the years, and still haven’t made my mind up about some issues.

Some religions and denominations are hugely shaped by debate: look at Judaism. Debating is hardwired into rabbinical history. So many historical Jewish texts are records of debates between different rabbis.

So long as they keep their silly delusions to themselves, I won’t criticise or mock them -

You just did, @Dappy777 . Your whole post was criticism and mockery.

I'm not a Christian but I know and love several people that are. And I absolutely have debated with some, with both of us being respectful and listening to each other, each time.

Negative generalisations, when there's a huge spectrum of personalities and strengths of belief among religious people, are unhelpful and judgemental..

Around 84% of the world’s population are religious and vary widely in doctrine and ethics. That’s an ignorant comment.

I’m a practising Christian (by no means a perfect one). She focus on forgiveness in her own life, not preach it at people in horrific situations she doesn’t know the full details of.

So presumably if the killer repents and goes to confession and all that nonsense, he goes to heaven. Whereas the father, a completely innocent and loving man, goes to hell for not forgiving the man who destroyed his life.

Also, I wonder if she could explain why a creator God would create a world in which such things could happen. I suppose she’d reply that without free will morality would have no meaning. But no living thing asked for this test. Nothing asked to be created/born. And why bother in the first place? Why create a world in which such things could happen at all? Why create an animal with free will? What was the point? Does God get some kind of sadistic pleasure out of seeing us torture one another (and ourselves)? He creates us sick and twisted and then gives us free will and then punishes us for acting badly. The whole thing is INSANE.

You are unreasonable to be offended.
You disagree, vehemently, but no need to take offence.

Personally, I don’t respect people’s religious beliefs. So long as they keep their silly delusions to themselves, I won’t criticise or mock them - but that is simply good manners, not respect. Once they air their beliefs, however, everything changes. Some religious people will say the vilest, foulest things (that those who have abortions are going to hell, or that birth control should be banned, even in the slums of Africa and South America, etc), yet whinge and complain when others ridicule those beliefs. It’s not acceptable.

Still, you can’t debate a religious person. It’s like trying to argue with someone on the looney left, or a member of the woke cult. They’re not interested in debate. And they’re not open to new ideas. They already know the truth.

Their comments are wild, and at best misguided. But posting this on a public forum where there’s a high risk the family might see these comments is quite insulting to the family and the memory of those murdered. Particularly given the papers often pick up on things on MN. I think you should consider whether more damage is done by holding these views around the water cooler, or publishing them on a public forum.

I personally find the Christian belief that you have to forgive quite cruel. It’s asking too much of some people. I am not offended by it though.

I am not familiar with this crime and I don’t understand the girlfriend comments. Did he murder her? If so, yes, her comment there is offensive. .

But if by ‘ we don’t know the whole story’ she meant we don’t know this person’s background or what led him to this crime ( trauma, abuse, mental illness) so can view him with more compassion whilst still believing he deserves to be judged by the law, then thats a reasonable perspective which is not offensive.

How can you be offended by what she said? Nothing she said was personal to you. Nothing was directed at you. You may find her opinions objectionable. But to take offence is really quite a leap of self-importance on your part.

I would find her comments very insensitive. I’m a Christian. I believe in forgiveness but forgiveness means different things to different people. You can’t force someone to forgive something like that or to stand in judgment if they can’t. I think there’s an issue with women who are being abused in the church being told to forgive continually- it’s oppressive. I see forgiveness as placing something into gods hands and trusting his mercy and judgment. It certainly doesn’t mean saying that it’s okay or understandable. It doesn’t mean continuing a relationship with an abusive person. It doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook. I think it’s quite misunderstood.

Ignore and rise above it. It’s a fairytale.

It was OPs interpretation that the person was saying the victim had something to do with it. The person said we don't know the full story, that could mean that the perpetrator may not have had the capacity to understand what they were doing.

She’s misunderstood the message of Christianity imo. The idea is to release you from the burden of grudge, hate, revenge, etc – but it only works if somebody else exacts justice on your behalf. The site @maggiecate links to sounds like it has it about right.

It’s a marvellous concept tbh, but—typically—it seems to be just slightly too complicated for people to understand, and eventually that makes its way into too-lenient sentencing and so forth – all the things that get normal people enraged and aren’t quite sure why our political classes don’t get things that seem like they should be obvious.

I think what was offensive was the insinuation that the victims had some responsibility which did not belong solely to the perpetrator of terrible crimes. What could this colleague possibly have meant by saying she did not know the full story? That would have given me the rage too.

Religious people are all nutters. There's no point in trying to reason or discuss with them. Yabu for getting into this discussion in the first place.

This.
Religion isnt an excuse for people to act like utter cocks, to victim blame and tell others what they would do in any given situation- I'd like to see if her children and partner were raped and murdered how forgiving she would be. It's all very well when we are thinking in the hypothetical but most Christian's I know tended to have fairly easy, trauma free upbringings who really didnt suffer any actual hardship so like to think of themselves as being able to rise above 🙄.
You dont have to respect or understand anything she says, its nonsense, you just cant say anything anti-religious in work.

The forgiveness project has testimonies from people who’ve forgiven their child’s killer perpetrators of terrible crimes, and a common thread is that forgiveness is for themselves, to remove the burden of hate. It’s not saying that what happened was ok. It takes extraordinary strength - I don’t think I could do it. The views your colleague expressed seem to come from the direction of forgiveness being a duty and it’s not, it’s a gift that can only be freely given.

It makes no sense.
She’s saying that the murderer has to be forgiven, but that the victim may possibly have done something so terrible she deserved to be killed? What about forgiving the victim (for whatever sin she thinks she may have committed)? I would put that to your colleague.

No you don't 'have to respect it'.

You don't have to respect her, her opinions or her religious views.

From what you've written, I know I certainly don't, and I was raised as a Christian.

What does she think of "Thou shall not murder"?

She has a right to her opinion
I don't agree with it but its how she feels and as long as she isn't expressing it offensively then she can

Hmmm. We don't know the full story? We know enough to know how wrong the murderer is!
However, she's entitled to think like that.