So fed up of DH doing naff all for DCs birthdays. Solidarity please

Have you always taken charge? Has it always been the case you manage everything? Hard to change habits. Maybe he thinks you are happy to arrange that sort of thing and genuinely has no idea how your feeling. You need to have a calm honest talk with him and tell him your exhausted. Some women are very good at giving off the impression they are in control of everything and he maybe doesnt realise.

He doesn't need to because he knows you will do everything. Not sure why you've put up with this.

Exactly, you made the bed, unmake it.

buy treats on behalf of elderly DPs
Am now dashing to supermarket
House is a bombsite, needs cleaning.

DH has told me he's going out for the day.
All he has done is sign a card....
"blindness" to the load is making me so mad

Buying gifts on behalf of his parents? You sound like you have taken over everything for this useless man, does he just live in the house, that you run ?

Of course he is blind to the load, you've taken the load for at least 15 years I'd guess.

You can't expect to baby a man for 15 years and have him anything other than a baby?

Only you can change this because it won't ever change unless you stop doing it all.

Poor DH got home from a work trip on a red eye the day of ds's birthday and after a 45 mins nap was blowing balloons and hanging banners. No rest for the wicked. Have you always done it solo? In fairness to him if it's been your gig for 15 years you're going to need to issue an invitation for help.

He is a selfish man.

my dh has taken over ds’s bdays. He organises and runs them on the day. I do dd’s.

He's going out for the day? And leaving you to tidy, clean, cook, party prep? Wtf?

This issue aside… I’m guessing a pretty unhappy unhealthy marriage?

It’s the same with my DC too and it fills me full of rage.

I’ve made to do lists with initials by each item for the last few years now as I was so fed up with this, but he still struggles to engage with this and act in a timely fashion. He starts his tasks at the last minute and can’t do them independently - has to ask me questions about them, and always leaves 1 or two tasks incomplete.

The lack of proactivity and care drives me insane. I have said all manner of things to him to try and make him change but nothing works! He really doesn’t care either if certain things are not done in time for our children’s parties, but for me that would really upset me and I can’t allow anything like that to happen for my children’s sake - I just want to do the best for them.

This has presumably been your life for many years??

But why?? I mean, from when our dc were born if dh said he was going out for the day before their birthday or party I’d say no you are not if you want to see your child’s birthday. There’s no question he’s expected to pull his weight! When your dh said he was going out for the day you say I need you to vacuum, wrap all the presents, help clean the kitchen and get to the shops before you go anywhere, there is work to be done to prep for your child’s birthday. You really need a relationship reset here.

Moving forward draw up a to do list. Split the list with him. Tell him to get on with it.

Then you will just need to accept he might not do it to your standard.

If I'm honest I was you, my kids are much younger than you. Their dad never helped at all until maybe on the day... maybe. He is now my ex for lots of reasons.

Your DH has got used to expecting you to do it all. If you want a change to take place after today I would sit down and have a conversation.