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Original poster

Would this give you ‘the ick’?

111 replies

ritaBx · 15/03/2025 07:54

Decided to try online dating. Been speaking to a guy and it’s been going quite well in terms of conversation.

We are the same age (40) and he claims he’s been single for just over a year.

He works away a lot (which would be fine for me in terms of a relationship, I like my own space) but last night we were talking and I asked him about his house when he goes home. He said he lives with his mum and dad at the moment and has done since his relationship broke down.

I can get why this would be better for him - he works away a lot anyway so it would save him a fortune but it did put me
off a bit.

I realise lots of us live back to our parents when a relationship breaks down. I did the same a few years ago and lived with my mum for almost 18 months. But that was my healing era. I needed it and wasn’t looking for another relationship at the time.

I am also wondering if his break up is more recent than he’s letting on. He does have a child so im guessing he was the one to move out.

I don’t know, I just feel he’s not fully sorted over his break up yet and that’s sort of putting me off abit - I don’t want to ask too many questions though!

Would It put you off? A 40 year old living back at his parents? Baring in mind his job involves working away for the majority….

OP posts:
Original poster
ritaBx · 15/03/2025 08:16

@Agix He has said he’s very close to his parents and the rest of his family which is good.

OP posts:
Catapultaway · 15/03/2025 08:14

He's doing what you did a few years ago. You seem concerned about what other people think, if that's what's important to you then nobody is forcing you to date him.

Cloudyvibes · 15/03/2025 08:14

No this wouldn’t give me the ick. With the costs of rentals etc at the moment it’s not surprising that he has moved in with his parents. I know a few in their 30’s that have moved home in the last few years as affording something on their own is just not doable.

Original poster
ritaBx · 15/03/2025 08:13

@HomeBodyClubyep steer clear of those ones!

To be fair, he is in a well paid job so it does make sense. I don’t know, just something about it it seems not right but then I’m very wary after healing from my ex husband.

OP posts:
YeGodsandLittleFishies · 15/03/2025 08:13

I’d be concerned that he:

Is living at home so his Mum does the childcare on his time

Is living at home so his Mum does all the housework/cooking/laundry

Will be looking to move into your house

Isn’t organised enough to arrange his own accommodation.

These all might be extremely unfair to the man, but I would proceed with caution.

Agix · 15/03/2025 08:13

It wouldn't automatically give me the ick. If it makes financial sense then it makes financial sense. Why move out when it doesn't make financial sense and everything is fine where you are? The principle of it? That's dumb as shit. Making stupid decisions because of the "principle" is, well, stupid. I wouldn't want a stupid partner who did stupid things that goes against their own interests for no bloody reason besides "principle".

The only worry is if it's not a happy and nice situation between him and his parents. If it's not and he's still not moved out... Why? Literally cannot afford to financially... Slacker with no job? Mountains of debt? Wants babying?

But just living with parents because you're all happy there and it saves on renting somewhere before you're ready to buy seems fine to me.

Chuchoter · 15/03/2025 08:12

'I don’t want to ask too many questions though! '

More fool you then.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 15/03/2025 08:09

Are you:

  1. concerned if it would give other people the ick and wonder what others would think of the "catch" you've got? Does this embarrass you socially basically.

  2. concerned he is living at home full stop regardless of what anyone thinks?

  3. concerned he is living at home whilst looking for partner? (You mentioned being in a non-dating period when you did it?)

HomeBodyClub · 15/03/2025 08:06

I know men who are in their 40s who have never even left home at all yet.. They have zero desire or motivation to move and that is a massive ick.

Ones who moved back for financial reasons after a break up wouldn’t faze me but I think they would need to be working towards a goal of moving back out.

Original poster
ritaBx · 15/03/2025 08:04

That was another thought of mine too but I wouldn’t let it happen. My ex husband was the same and before I knew it, he had moved in and destroyed my life - never ever again. I could spot the signs of that now.

Yes I think it’s just edging on caution. Financially I can see it makes sense for him. He hasn’t mentioned anything about how he supports his child but I’d be the same as you and hoping he does support his child as much as possible. That’s a huge green flag in my book.

OP posts:
HoldingThePoisonDown · 15/03/2025 07:59

it would make me wary about him wanting to get his feet under the table, but wouldn’t give me the ick necessarily. He works away so it saves paying rent/mortgage on an empty house, he must be saving a fair bit. As long as those savings are contributing towards paying fairly for his child, it would give me more of an ick if he was just paying bare minimum in those circumstances.

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