To think this daily essential should come out of joint money?

A lot of people are woefully missing the point here and their answers are not relevant to OPs situation.

If your finances are that tight then you should really agree what comes out of the groceries budget and what comes out of your own account.

What exactly did you spend £19 on? £7 face moisturiser, deodorant and what else?

Bear in mind that this is a womens forum so generally the responses you get are going to be biased in your favour.

That’s because money isn’t an issue for you.

Most of us have to budget and we can’t just chuck in some mascara and facial serum without worrying about the cost.

Most people don’t live like you and I’m shocked that you don’t seem to understand that.

As PPs have said, most people check receipts if it seems higher than normal because they can’t afford to have been charged extra for something that they hadn’t purchased.

If his pettiness has reduced the OP to using her kids’ body lotion as moisturiser because he moans about her spending £7 to replenish her own, at the same time as treating himself to a more expensive version, then it’s time to rethink the finances. It’s all joint money - that’s what marriage is. And l would imagine the £19 was because OP had stocked up on the basis of the offer.

You can just go back and choose the other option

The real world aka not mumsnet.

The fact that you don’t realise that face moisturiser and deodorant are luxury items for most people, proves how privileged you are.

It proves my point that posting threads like this on mumsnet are often pointless because many posters are unable to understand the true concept of having to budget.

If you have £1k+ a month to spend after bills then spending £19 on personal items is not worth a conversation.
But if you only have £50 a month after bills for a family of 4, then spending £19 is absolutely going to need to be a conversation.

Just this. Says it all.

dainsburies for us is always far more than we expect as we tend to get all the fancier stuff from there that also doesn’t do.

so £10 on a nice Charlie Bingham meal or a cook kit.
£10 nice wine
£10 a big box dishwasher or laundry tablets or drain cleaner
£5 here and there for items like baking powder or ingredients bases.
£10 worth of frozen meat
so a small shop of just a few items but much more expensive than The usual aldi one.
We’re both in finance so investigating variances is normal.

Agreed.

Oh wow - we don’t have joint accounts, just separate ones but all money is our money! Doesn’t matter who earns what it’s all joint money just in different accounts.

This level of pettiness in a marriage is just unbelievable.

DH would never question what I purchased, most of the time he encourages me to spend a little on myself. He didn’t bat an eyelid at the amount of new skin care I purchased he’s even started using some of it himself 😆

I couldn’t live like this, in a way it just seems so degrading.

Edited to all DH likes fancy deodorant and shower bars/gels which are ££ whilst I use dove and whatever I buy from home bargains, I’ve never mentioned the cost to him 🤷‍♀️

Really? If your usual shop was £200 and your DH came home with a £300 shop you wouldn't bat an eyelid?
I'm not saying the set up makes sense (In my world everything gets split 50/50 and both have the same spending money), bit I can see why he would ask, especially given that he chooses a more expensive deodorant so buys it out of his own money.

DH buys his deodorant from an independent shop online

You ask would we consider deodorant as a personal spend, it doesn't matter what we consider, but you DH considers it a personal spend because he takes it from his own. So in that regard, you spending your deodorant and moisturiser from joint is unreasonable.

Aside from me agreeing with many others that this isn't how a marriage works, and its damn weird to look through an itemised receipt and kick off an argument about spending joint money that's by the by.

I keep reading about these awful tight men on here....it's horrendous. I can't imagine how shit it must be to be married to a man who would kick up a fuss over you spending less than £20 on something.

I went food shopping yesterday, I chucked a mascara in my trolley and some facial serum... didn't even think about it. What a way to live.

Are you the husband ?

Just ‘wow.’ Thank god not my husband.

While I have no opinion on whether or not these should be a personal/joint spend, I cannot believe the pettiness of your DH picking you up on this

You're married with kids and he behaves like this? How can you not have the ick from hell?

You call him DH so I assume you are married?

If so then what is his is yours and what's yours is his

We have money - doesn't matter who earns it - it's ours. We have one account, all money goes in and out of it , bills, food, savings - all paid from the one pot then what's left is spent as needed on what is needed REGARDLESS OF WHOS PUT WHAT IN

If my DH wants to spend on his hobbies - he does and if I want to buy new clothes - I do - if we have the spare of course - but there is none of this proportional sharing

Yes, this is insane.

Exactly I only yesterday popped into Sainsbury’s got a handful of items it was over £50. I checked the receipt because it seemed a lot for a few items. Which is what op says her dh did because she had spend a lot for not a lot of food.

I wouldn’t have assumed the worse that he was checking up on her more bloody hell I didn’t know chicken had got so expensive or they have charged you twice for toilet roll.

Couldn't agree more. We don't have separate finances... we're married. Everything goes in a joint pot and we spend what we need to, when we need to. Obviously out-of-the-ordinary spending is discussed first. When married people keep separate finances, I always feel that they're holding something back from the relationship. I can understand in particular circumstances having separate finances such as gambling etc. but generally, no. The notion of having to justify expenditure on basics is mind-blowing. Toiletries are a new level of petty. We earn equally now but at points in the past, I was earning 3-4 times what DW did (she went part time when the children were younger), it didn't matter.

I couldn’t live with this level of pettiness over what was being spent (assuming you don’t have to count the pennies to balance a budget).

In a marriage with kids, doesn’t pretty much everything go in and out of the same pot? Maybe have something in a personal account so you have independent funds but I see that as a safety net in case of relationship breakdown rather than a way of living and managing day to day spend.

Unless you're, as a family, on the absolute bones of your arse financially, then this is pathetic. My dh hasn't once ever checked how much I have spent when I have been shopping

Can’t vote
deodorant essential
moisteruaer less so
£19 doesn’t seem like basics
your dh practises what he preeches - his toiletarys from his account
apologies but editing misspelling is hard on the new app

@Tropicalturnip
as this thread has made you realise that you need to have a chat with your dh about the unfairness of proportional input given you do more childcare - you should also make sure that you are both putting equal amounts (not percentages) in to a pension.

Another one who just can’t understand how people live like this. In our marriage all money (or the lack of it!) is family money.