To think this daily essential should come out of joint money?

I know. Just have a joint account, and act like adults in a marriage. It's a lot easier.

For people who have a joint account and an account for personal expenses, how do you do it if you go shopping and need to buy the normal food shop from the joint account but several personal items? Split the shop? Pay from the joint account and then transfer the money from your personal account? Sounds like a pain...

I really can't get my head round being married and not just having a joint account for all stuff relating to life lived together. Checking deodorant and moisturiser purchases? Yuk. All this fannying about with he puts a percentage and I put a percentage,worked out to a penny, would genuinely have me looking to live elsewhere and let him(it's usually a man)have a different percentage of money to work out ie child maintenance.

@Tropicalturnip @MrsTheodoreLogan I also dont know how anyone can live like that? what is with the joint money, my money, his money shit??? it is all "our" money in a marriage! where is the trust in the relationships nowadays?? It doesnt matter who earns the most or contributes the most to the house. both of you should be putting all of your wages into the pot to pay all the bills and all the shopping. if there is money left over for treats then that if fine.if either of you want something new and there is money left in the pot then ask the other one. all bigger purchases should be jointly decided, ie new car etc. one person takes charge but both should have details to log on and check online accounts. If there is no trust then there is really no point to being married. I have looked after the finances for 50 years starting when we got engaged. we dont actually have joint accounts but I have access to his and can remove money whenever I need a bill paying.

Basic toiletries for both of us I pick up with the food shop but I don't buy face moisturiser there and actually I pick DH up his original source shower gel at Tesco but I like the loccitane shower oil and wouldn't get that from our bills account, in the same way DH likes a particular bubble bar from lush and gets it himself. We have the same disposable income though and money isn't tight.

It's not really about the deodorant/ moisturiser is it? Unless you're on a super tight budget and need to count every penny, or saving for something, he's a tight git! That'd start to give me the ick!

You need to sit down and talk it through so you can agree what's fair for you both.

I was going to say exactly that.

OP your husband is controlling bordering on financially abusive. It’s ridiculous of him to quibble over these articles. How come he gets to have fancy toiletries because he brings home more money? You may not bring in as much money as him but you’re contributing to the household in different and equally valuable ways.

You’ve got kids. You’re supposed to be a partnership. I couldn’t live in any way other than where everything is shared. He sounds awful.

Me neither! I earn more than DH so I pay most of the household bills. He pays for the pet insurance and the food shopping. If I run out of money I just transfer from his account to mine. Likewise if he runs out I transfer from my account to his. We both leave our bank cards at home and know each others PIN numbers and his account is linked to my Apple Pay,

You’re not aligned in what basics, you literally say that in one of your responses. Moisturiser isn’t a necessity.

Exactly. That he would object to this would make him so repellent to me that it would be unliveable.

This.
This is more flatmates behaviour than a couple

She bought it on offer to stock up longer term, so it's cheaper in the long run.

She didn't buy 1, but bought to be cheaper in long run.

It's awful isn't it.
I'm away at the moment and dh has done a weekly shop purely for himself. I noticed on the banking app that it was over a £100 and assumed he had stocked up on essentials like detergent, loo rolls etc.
I certainly won't be asking him because he's an adult and he's sensible.

its worrying if you consider £60 to be a "Big shop"!

Exactly, these men get to do what they please, with high pensions, working the job they love, whilst woman stays at home and does all free childcare and keeps house.

At detriment to their own financial safety, relying on this man.

Who has issues with her buying deodorant on offer to save money long term.

Patriarchal society at its finest.

This times a million

It must make life seem very long.

I mean I do pay for my personal items out of my money but that's on me, my partner has never asked me to. I am pretty much in charge of finances so he wouldn't know what comes out of where.

@Cucy
Did you miss the sentence where the op says she is parttime and does all the childcare?

I like @HopingForTheBest25’s point. Are you being compensated for doing the shopping?

My thoughts exactly.

It sounds more like a house share than a partnership.

This 100%,

We have similar (unmarried and no kids but 14 years in)

joint card -fine to throw in a cheap shower gel or toothpaste (we have different so I get 2)

but anything more individual we get at boots anyway on our own cards. Often I’ll pick him up sone skin care st boots and put on joint card as buying roughly same value for me.

or he’ll go to local shops for milk and also wine and pay himself as it’s wine for him.

but we always mention where we have bought something that is not a usual shared thing so no one ever feels like the other is trying to “sneak something in”.

. £19 on 2 toiletries does seem a lot to me (not on any budget just I pay £1.50 for deodorant so it seems more luxury than a basic one)

OMG! We don’t even have ‘personal spends’!!! Just buy what we need when we need it from the joint account. I’ve never had to justify a purchase in 25 years (and wouldn’t anyway). How can you live like this?! Presumably you contribute less financially as you’re doing a ton of unpaid childcare/wifework. Strike! He’ll soon see what he’s missing. Failing that, bin him off. Tight bastard.

It’s a horrible way to live. You’re either sharing a life together or you’re not

What you’ve bought from joint money does not seem to be what you agreed. What you agreed is however batshit. He is incredibly mean and controlling.