If you're single, how many people have a relationship you are genuinely envious of?

Well I know at least 3 marriages which look perfect from the outside but the husbands are controlling, narcissistic assholes. Our marriage probably looks like one of those that people envy but it's all bit of a slog. DH is faithful, not abusive but loves his work and out of the house for many hours. I've essentially been a married solo parent for years. I'm envious of couples who get to spend time together or have the work flexibility to share childcare.

The question is also if you admire a marriage for the man's capacity to stay with a less than conventionally beautiful woman, or if you admire it because both partners are gorgeous/wealthy and you want to have those qualities yourself.

I’m not single but my full group of friends who are in relationships have good relationships but I wasn’t envious of any of them when I was single. That’s strange emotion to have over someone else’s relationship

I’m recently separated and when I look around the people I know, not many of them are in relationships I’d like to be in. I see a lot of inequality and disrespect and I don’t think I could stand it. I’m not sure whether my perspective is all out of whack and these are just the compromises you have to make to be in a relationship of if I’m right and it should be better.

My middle brother and his husband. But that is literally it from the hundreds of couples I know.

Genuinely? None.

I love being single never been envious of anyones relationship.
I was envious of single people when i was with my ex.
I like my own space my own way and love being selfish.
Some people need others and need company and want the love of another i dont.
I dont need that at all.
I love my life love myself.
Maybe im just not cut out for men in my life too much drama with them.
I dont need or want loads of friends either i dont need a group or a partner to make me feel whole or wanted.

Also, only two couples who seem to be equal. Everyone else has a sexist partner who "helps" with housework children etc and the mum carries the mental load.
I do know couples without children that also have a sexist partner.

pinching that for my next user name.

I feel the same. I’ve observed many, many relationships and have yet to observe one that makes me in any way envious or think that’s what I’d like for myself. Most of the time I give silent thanks that my life doesn’t involve such a relationship! I’m not saying the people involved aren’t happy, or don’t love each other, but I do feel that the relationship involves compromise, settling, inequality etc in ways that I could not tolerate.

Some people resolutely do not want to be single, and will stay in sub-par relationships to avoid that. A friend of mine is a classic example. She has said things like “but if I wasn’t with him who would I be with, I don’t want to be on my own” and “but it’s better than being on my own”. I think it’s sad that some people cannot see that being single is better than being in a bad relationship, but we have conditioned women to think that the optimum is having a man and that that is how success is measured.

Exactly this. Most of my friends have good marriages and relationships. Good for them. I'm not envious because I am not interested in a relationship.

I may be a bit blinkered but thank god I married my DH and not the DHs of the majority of my friends. Most of them are arseholes and that’s not going off what friends have said that is my observation

The problem is you and how you see people. I know plenty of people in loving relationships. Me and my partner are in a loving relationship. I am not jealous of my friends nor do I go around calling people “dumpy little things”. You pretend to be happy for them but the envy is dripping from your posts if this woman wasn’t deserving and her partner was somehow hoodwinked. Work on your attitude first maybe.

I'm not envious but I can think of 2 that have what I consider normal relationships - I think the hall mark of these is that they are friends with each other and that they value love, respect, family. They disagree on things too, so there is a respect for each other as individuals.

I heard recently that another 2 friends who I thought were in good relationships don't like their partners and want to leave. I think these relationships lack warmth, partners aren't pulling weight, focused on career over family. So in short choose a warm, modern, stable kind of partner.

Similar to @echt
Quite surprised at the number of old friends that are actually not in any kind of relationship. Sister is on her second marriage, a vast improvement to her first! Brother married for over 25 years.
I have been widowed for over 20 years with no desire to repeat the marriage experience.
Generally only know one party to any coupled relationship, so cannot comment.

I'm widowed and miss the talk with a grown-up, but can't think of a single relationship in my social orbit that makes me think: that's a good one. And that's just looking at what's on show.

Basically what @Finmory said.

Envious of none, the relationships I see around me all involve a level of compromise I'm simply not interested in making.

People who settled for various reasons, turn a blind eye to things I couldn't, have compromised to a point that resentment has set in. Some seem to prefer this to being single, some have found themselves trapped I think.

But I actually can't think of a relationship that seems healthy, respectful, and equal. Which is really sad. And actually if I can see these issues from the outside it makes me wonder what's going on behind closed doors.

dumpy little thing

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

They have a point. You should re-read your OP.

How you described her partner wasn’t much better. You do know that “dumpy” and “geeky” people are perfectly loveable don’t you? I’m not sure why you’d find it remarkable.

A lesson for you perhaps that genuine love is not about looks and some people are just unlucky not to find their perfect match.

She's a dumpy little thing…

Huh? Why the hell would you describe another woman like that? Oh, she’s a dumpy little thing but it’s ok because at least someone loves her 🙄

Mate, if you can’t see past what clothes size someone takes, you don’t have much of a chance comprehending the secret or public face of any LTR.

I’m divorced and I do envy other people’s relationships, where there seems (from outside) to be equity and support. I’m definitely evaluating on the bits of their marriages that I didn’t seem to have (a husband who pulls his weight, takes an equal share of responsibility, shows up for stuff, etc.) I feel the absence of another adult in the house when parenting is having a tough couple of days, so yes, definitely a bit of envy here.