Is it unreasonable to bribe my son to watch the show ' adolescence '

Netflix's Adolescence isn't based on a single real-life case, the series was inspired by the growing knife-crime epidemic in the U.K.

A story written by …. Writers who write movies and tv series

A 13-year-old school boy named Jamie Miller gets arrested for the murder of a classmate, with each episode shot in one take.

Fiction.

What about YOUR mindset and YOUR behaviour?

You are minimizing your part in this ‘I’ve said sorry so he needs to move on’, but then you’ve brought up his sexuality a few times recently. This stuff sticks. Read about ACES, reflect on your own part in these and mostly, put yourself in his shoes. His poor mental health is a result of his experiences, some of which you were a driving force.

Your son needs boundaries for sure but he also needs loves and acceptance for who he is.

I've made a list on what it would take to have him back home longterm but it really would need him to be willing to put the effort in to change his mindset and behaviour. He does want to go home but doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it

Have you done the same list for yourself? How will you be addressing your mindset and behaviour so that you are not failing your son?

I’m interested to know why social services have apparently placed a 16 year old with no disabilities in some sort of supported living with carers?

Reminds self to watch adolescence, I do like Stephen Graham.

I admit that I've brought up his sexuality a few times recently in heated moments but I take accountability while he doesn't

Accountability for his sexuality? Something you referred to as a ‘confession’ earlier?

There is some very troubling views from you being shown here, among a very complicated and damaging situation.

It's a Netflix series not therapy.

So I just read all the thread and your comments OP, and you sound like an abusive parent, but you don't realise it as you believe in a faith that abused bisexuals, so you feel justified.

You're now trying to blame Andrew Tate, you're trying to force the idea your son is autistic, you're making him go to counselling, you're forcing him to live outside the home when he's your child, all in a heavy show that makes clear you're telling him HES the problem. Thus is terrible behaviour on your part

YOU are the problem. You're abusive.

The thing that breaks my heart is that even with all this abuse from you, his mum, he STILL wants to come home. And meanwhile, you're here slagging him off and saying he has to be forced to watch some bloody show.

Your religion is abusive to bisexuals and you are enabling the abuse, and it's destroying the child you're meant to protect, there you go.

It doesn’t excuse it but it does explain it, there’s a difference which is significant.

From your posts him abusing you actually just seems like him mirroring your behaviour towards him.

Why don't you approve of medication? OCD can be very hard to treat with therapy alone (and therapy for OCD usually would be CBT based)

This is result difficult. But watching that show will do I good. He will have already read and seen worse online.

He's 16 and has been rejected by his family. He has no clear disagnosose so his behaviours are seemingly based on train response and poor mental health.

But as a 26yr old he poses a physical threat to you, so it's not easy to bring him home.

I think you two. And his social worked need to create an effective joint plan for how he can return home. What behaviours they need to see and align that with therapy.

Otherwise, he is at major risk of self destructing behaviour as he continues. And no education to prepare him as an adult.

Something doesn't seem right with all the info you are providing, but only your son knows the truth about what has happened to him to cause this.

This...
Home life also has a real hand in forming a young man. {Or woman}

Oh God OP, seriously? You got faith based counselling because he's bisexual? This is so desperately sad. That can destroy a teen boy. You need to tell him you love him, respect and value who he is, and completely accept that he is bisexual. Which is normal, and natural.

If he trusted you enough to tell you he is bisexual and then you rejected him to such an extreme that he got 'faith based counselling' then I think there's your real problem. He must feel so isolated and unhappy.

I was wondering this. I can't think of many faiths that offer therapy and support being bi .

YABU to think watching a TV show will cure all of the deep rooted problems your son has. The idea that would want to bribe him to get a day at home with this is utterly crazy.

You need to focus on improving the attachment with your son. You've acted in a horribly shaming way towards his sexuality, and he is living away from family. He must be so lonely and feeling rejected.

If it was me I'd honestly not enter into arguments about his Tate-like views. You need to massively repair your relationship first. Curiously question when he says sexist things, show him you respect him and actually like who he is.

What was the faith-based therapy for? Was it some sort of "conversion" therapy?

It would have been so he could get the memo that he was an abomination, and that it wasn’t only the mum who thought this but everyone else including God. So, he then see’s himself as an abomination and acts that way. It’s completely fucked up behaviour on both the part of the parent and whatever ‘faith’ that offered this ‘therapy’.

Why are you so confident that a) yelling at your son when he “confesses” that he’s bisexual, b) making your child attend conversion therapy and c) subsequently bringing up his sexuality during arguments doesn’t warrant him abusing you? Actually, I think it does.

Out of interest, what warranted you, an adult with a fully formed brain, abusing your son? Because all of the above amounts to abuse.

What was the faith-based therapy for? Was it some sort of "conversion" therapy?

Gobsmacked at how you refuse to understand the root cause is likely your behaviour, and that won’t be fixed whatsoever by watching this.

Your son, went to the person he should have been able to consider the safest person in the world. He told you he was bisexual (or in your deranged terminology, he ‘confessed’??), and instead of acceptance, love and support, like a normal parent, you went ape shit at him and sent him to some weird conversion therapy (which is what your ‘faith based counselling obviously was).

So, your son, in extremely formative years, and the turmoil of adolescence was essentially rejected by his mother and given the message he was bad/socially unacceptable/abnormal, all to the extent his mother could not even love him for who he is. Then, he starts acting out as he now see’s himself as a monster as that’s the message you have given him by your treatment. You even say you still continue to bring up his sexuality and hit him over the head with it.

You caused the damage and the person who now stands before you. And you think you can fix that by ‘bribing him’ (as you won’t give your love freely, but will only bribe him with things to get it……) with watching 4 episodes of a show? Fuck. Me.

I agree.

He has a roof over his head. He's not homeless.

If the roof isn't a secure and permanent home, he is.

This poor boy, he’s been let down and deserted by every adult in his life and you want to make time with you a reward for watching what by all accounts is a harrowing drama?

Have you had therapy, separately and together? Not faith based but proper therapy.

Of course his behaviour is wrong, it’s not acceptable to do those things, but given how you’ve described his life, he’s a ball of anger and guilt and shame. The boy told you he was bisexual and you brought in the heavies to shame it out of him. This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read on here. If you’re a troll, kudos, this is heartbreaking but weird enough that you can’t thing of anyone making it up.