Is it unreasonable to bribe my son to watch the show ' adolescence '

You HIT him when he told you your sexuality ?

God you are even more disgusting than I originally thought. And still homophobic.

”He confessed” No he didn’t. He didn’t commit a crime.

So you have physically assaulted him, your brother has physically assaulted him, your ex-husband was abusive, and you're surprised that your son has been violent? I'm not excusing violence, but there are reasons that it happens. The abuse that this poor boy has experienced makes it sadly more likely that he too would become violent. It's the cycle of abuse.

If every professional has dismissed the idea that your son has conduct disorder, that ought to tell you something. But you are determined to paint yourself as a victim and your son as the one in the wrong. This boy has been traumatised and it seems as though only his sister is standing up for him. Now you want to keep them separate under the pretence that you are protecting her? When you freely admit he has never hurt his sister?

Take responsibility for your actions and words. I feel so sorry for your son.

Apparently OP read it in the same way. It’s all his father’s fault according to her and he’s copying his father’s behaviour. 🙄

Also, do you really not see the irony in you complaining about his mysoginy while deploring him rejecting a background/religion that is extremely homophobic and mysoginistic itself?

Explain to me exactly why would he think hitting is wrong when you hit him first? When your brother hit him?

When two grown ass adults hit a weaker person, a child.

Why did he deserve it , but you don’t?

Why do you say it has nothing to do with it? If you're implying that is what my post says you have read it wrong.

And then she and her family ended up assaulting her 12 yo son for being bisexual. That of course has nothing to do with his misogyny (if it even exists).

The abusive father was most likely the start of this boys misogyny. Not that the mother hasn't made mistakes, but her leaving the abusive father was probably the best thing she did.

Both @atmywitsend1989 and her brother need charged with assault - a hate crime - not any advice. Two adults assaulted a child for his sexuality in the UK. Criminals.

Laid hands on him? You mean , you hit him right?

And now you’re wondering why he hates you (not all women and misogyny from what you said) and abused you back?

Btw, he’s not “another” man, he’s your bloody son! Be his mother! Or if you can’t, at least leave him alone to at least try and recover and heal without your toxic influence.

You are kidding yourself if you think your son has everything he needs and mostly everything he wants - he doesn't have any sense of acceptance of who he is or belonging within his family and community, nor does he currently have a loving home, and his home prior to being moved out wasn't a safe place for him to be. Nor does he have time with his Mother and Sister which isn't being used as an attempt to bribe him.

Nobody should be abused by anybody - yet you accept you have abused him physically and it's clear you've also abused him emotionally - just saying sorry will never resolve that abuse, which he will be thinking he deserves, just as you thought for a long time you deserved abuse from your husband.

Until you, and he, can address those fundamental issues, and start to face up to the damage you have caused him - there will be no way to to find a way forward. Can you face those hard truths about you and him instead of looking for other people or claimed diagnosis to blame.

Oh FFS! You're now admitting you hit him when he told you he was bisexual. Which your daughter witnessed and told the school about. Social services got involved. But this is what you said earlier:
It caused a huge misunderstanding between us and SS. If I'm remembering correctly teenagers with conduct disorders are good manipulators and my daughter has learned to tolerate his comments and feel sorry for him

You're still blaming him!! This whole situation is incredibly fucked up, but you are taking no responsibility for your own actions. You seem to think a seemingly-meaningless apology from you for all you've put him through is enough, but he has to jump through hoops and earn time with you. Thats not enough, and it won't be. You need to actually demonstrate that you regret your actions.

A tv programme is not going to fix this enormous mess. The poor kid.

I’m not sure what ‘gender confusion’ has to do with this.

Also, the traumatic experiences I described are not inherently more prevalent in autistic people. This kid being abused first by his father, then by his mother, and by his extended family and community along the way have absolutely nothing to do with him being autistic or not.

Yes you may be right. Conduct disorder is sometimes a combination of environmental factors so that certainly plays a part. With the other information, I doubt this is a sealed damnation of OP.

If posters genuinely were concerned about OP and the boy, they wouldn't be ripping her a new arsehole on here.

Its very easy for parents who have damaged their children to 'strongly suspect' all manner of disorders. Whereas the bald facts may be attachment issues and anger due to mistreatment.

Explain OP’s disapproval of medication even after a section 136, her child self harming, diagnosed with OCD and living in supported accommodation (which SS don’t offer and organise lightly). Not just that , but telling her son he can take it if he wants, but she doesn’t agree with it, thus putting all the responsibility on him(a 16 yo with mental health issues) AND making her disapproval clear.

Here’s the thing, until OP realises and accepts what she did wrong , as wrong, and she takes responsibility for her actions nothing will change. Because she will never be the mother this kid needs to get better. You patting her on the head isn’t helping anyone, just reinforcing her conviction that the child is the problem and she did nothing wrong.

@PlanetJanette don't be so harsh.

Traumatic experiences are significantly higher in certain populations. So being Autistic for one, ( he very well may be; gender confusion is disproportionately represented in this group).

Let's say he does have conduct disorder, certain temperaments and genetics can pre dispose to this developing under the right environment stressors. That's not on his mum here. She's in a shit show of a situation herself.

This is not a simple trauma response situation imo. OP is uncomfortable about other things going on here. To put all this on OP is not right.

And I have a real problem with religion, I'm a devout atheist. I feel deeply for kids who are confused about their sexuality and are subjected to some religious zealot no doubt trying to religion it out of them.

However, there's so much going on here beyond what mum has ' done'.

The OP is obviously not to blame for the abuse that she and her son experienced at the hands of his father.

But so much of what the OP is describing sounds like a trauma response. And of course her son seems to have had a string of trauma since early childhood. Abuse by his father. Growing up realising he was bisexual in a deeply biphobic household and community. Being yelled at and shamed when coming out. Being subjected to conversion therapy.

TBH the best outcome here would be if he does not go home to OP. She still shows zero sign of understanding of the factors that likely led her son to where he is today.

This is a shocking response , the OP has stated that her husband physically abused her. Are you seriously suggesting that women should stay with men who beat them ?
This boy has two parents, blaming his mother for everything is very unfair.

Conduct disorder or trauma response?

He witnessed his dad being abusive to his mum.

he came out as bisexual at 12 and one of his other male role models assaulted him and the other cut contact to him.

his mother put him in basically conversion therapy , yelled and shamed him , there was also an incident that concerned SS when retold by her daughter , and still brings his sexuality up in arguments.

she prevented him from accessing medication and doesn’t believe there’s anything wrong with him despite having an OCD diagnosis and living in supported accommodation. Despite him self harming. Despite him being in such serious mental health distress to be taken under a section 136.

OP is either minimising all of this(you know, things “just” happened) or seeing it as a consequence of his own actions. You really trust her to assess his behaviour accurately or objectively?

You strongly suspect conduct disorder. You've mentioned it a few times. I think your sense this is happening is strong enough for you to feel really cautious and afraid of having him back in the home.

Posters possibly aren't aware - conduct disorder is a pre cursor to sociopathy! It's not called sociopathy until 18. It may be psychopathy at that stage but anyone under 18 cannot be diagnosed as such, even if they blatantly are. Instead, it's called conduct disorder. And OP knows better than any poster in here if that's what is going on.

OP I'm not sure if you meant you are against medication? Or you're stopping it. But I would be encouraging you to fully support him in taking a prescribed medication. If this is an antidepressant medication, he needs something so this is good to try.

How is OP constantly working to find a solution when for years she has refused the solution that is most likely help her child, medication. Let alone sending a gay child to faith based therapy. And yes I've been there. I don't understand how any parent can watch their child suffering that badly and not even try something that is scientifically proven to help with those issues. She chose not to. She is still chosing not to.