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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think siblings should share bedrooms?

90 replies

dontgocrying · 14/03/2025 20:55

Have friends and their children coming to stay with us over Easter, our oldest dc haven’t seen each other for years so don’t know really know each other, youngest ones have never met.

I assumed siblings would share bedrooms and they assumed that girls and boys would share.

AIBU to think siblings should go into together for a couple of days even if boy/girl than to expect children to share with basic strangers just because their the same sex?

OP posts:
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Gizlotsmum · 26/05/2025 20:46

Hmm worth a discussion we have had friends stay and it has been split by sex, other times by age, other times they have all bundled into one room and had a sleepover! However similar ages but opposite sexes. Now my eldest is 16 I think I would split by siblings

FozzieP · 26/05/2025 20:39

Depends on the age. My parents once put my brother and I in with an older cousin; my brother ended up having to drag the prat off me.

Original poster
dontgocrying · 15/03/2025 15:34

Yes, not cousins just friends.

it’s very possible after the first day my dd will get on great with theirs and want to have a sleepover but now she thinks it will be awkward at the moment and is much happier having younger brother in her room and would never want to make her uncomfortable. I can also understand that their older boy and girl might not be as comfortable sharing with each other though.

We will do some more shuffling around and make it work so everyone is happy. No intention of telling them to go elsewhere, they are guests who we invited.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 15/03/2025 08:40

That's even stranger to me then. I think I just assumed cousins because why would you even expect unrelated people that don't know each other to want to share rooms whereas I can see why people might for cousins.

Talipesmum · 15/03/2025 08:29

WhatNoRaisins · 15/03/2025 08:20

I think it makes sense for you to allocate them some rooms and let them decide. As you say they are strangers and I can understand feeling odd about sharing a room with a stranger.

Some people don't really get that cousins you grow up around and cousins that are strangers are a completely different relationship. They just think cousins are cousins.

Agree, allocate the visiting family the three rooms and they can arrange as they prefer.

(they’re not cousins though - parents are friends and the children don’t know each other / older ones haven’t met for years)

WhatNoRaisins · 15/03/2025 08:20

I think it makes sense for you to allocate them some rooms and let them decide. As you say they are strangers and I can understand feeling odd about sharing a room with a stranger.

Some people don't really get that cousins you grow up around and cousins that are strangers are a completely different relationship. They just think cousins are cousins.

StealthMama · 15/03/2025 08:01

I think your plan is fine, especially given how many you are accommodating. Less room for arguments, not picks, falling out etc and they will all need a bit of solace at the end of the day without other kids in their space.

Eldermilleniallyogii · 15/03/2025 07:45

If you're kids are happy sharing then I think it's fair enough to say this and they their kids will be offered a room to share. If they don't like it they can go eslewhere

offmynut · 15/03/2025 07:42

Back in the day like back back in the day yes in our family boys and girls all chucked in one double bed at some points.
Has we got older around 10 it was all girls in one room and all boys in the next.
Im so pleased things have changed now.
I think b&b would be a good idea.

Clairey1986 · 15/03/2025 07:18

Neither approach is unreasonable but if your kids would prefer to share with their siblings then do that, you can’t make them uncomfortable in their own home!

Bellaboot · 15/03/2025 07:13

I would never offer to host this many people but that is probably because my own parents come for months at a time and I now hate having overnight guests.

However in your set up , siblings together. I would not expect my children to share with strangers.

arcticpandas · 15/03/2025 07:12

Your house- your rules. It's as simple as that.

JaninaDuszejko · 15/03/2025 07:02

user1492757084 · 15/03/2025 00:18

You have so many rooms and many combo options. It will work out well.

I would firstly think of ..

  • your DD3 going in with you.
  • your DS4 inviting his twin cousins to share his room.
  • the older girls sharing in DD13's room or box room.
  • your DS11 inviting his 9 yr boy cousin to share.
  • your adult guests in either box room or DD13's room.

The other option would be the same but your older two share the box room and their older two share your DS11's room and adult guests go in DD13's room.

Except these are not cousins, it's the children of friends, the children don't know each other.

TofuFighters · 15/03/2025 05:52

My son and daughter would prefer to share a room with each other rather than share a room with others they don’t know just because they were the same sex. I’d always make sure my own children were happy and comfortable, what others do is their issue.

bigboykitty · 15/03/2025 05:15

I would have a problem with visitors telling me how they expected sleeping arrangements to work in my home. It's an overstep. It's a lot to accommodate a family of 6. Even more to be trying to dictate the arrangements.

tinygingermum · 15/03/2025 03:46

dontgocrying · 14/03/2025 22:28

We have 5 bedrooms
Mine and DHs
Dd(13)
DS(11)
DS(4)
Dd(3) (box room)

They have
DD(12)
DS(9)
DS+DD(5) (twins)

My plan was
Adults in DS(11) room
Ds(11) in with dd (13)
My little ones in with us or playroom (landing area with no door)

Their twins share in box room
Their older kids share bunk beds in DS(5) room

Show quote history

This sounds absolutely perfect, I can’t see why anyone normal would have an issue with it

Tbrh · 15/03/2025 01:40

I think it depends on the kids personalities and ages, out of the two options I'd say siblings but if they're getting along I don't see what's wrong with same sex. No different from a sleepover?

Fountofwisdom · 15/03/2025 00:38

I would definitely have siblings sharing under these circumstances at this age and you say your DC are happy to share with each other. I think most children would feel much more comfortable sharing with their siblings than with children they don’t know well.

Guests do not get to dictate sleeping arrangements in your house - you decide what suits you and your family best, and if the guests don’t like that arrangement they can stay in a B&B instead.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/03/2025 00:30

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/03/2025 21:08

Is the 13yo yours or your friend's? I'm really surprised if you would expect your own teenage dc to share with dc of the opposite sex.

But the big age gaps could be difficult too. Are there no other options? Airbeds in the living room for some?

Edited

Eh? My opposite sex DC have always shared a room on holiday, I don’t see an issue with that at all.

user1492757084 · 15/03/2025 00:18

You have so many rooms and many combo options. It will work out well.

I would firstly think of ..

  • your DD3 going in with you.
  • your DS4 inviting his twin cousins to share his room.
  • the older girls sharing in DD13's room or box room.
  • your DS11 inviting his 9 yr boy cousin to share.
  • your adult guests in either box room or DD13's room.

The other option would be the same but your older two share the box room and their older two share your DS11's room and adult guests go in DD13's room.

SnowdaySewday · 15/03/2025 00:10

Share with own siblings. Any disagreements between the children can then be dealt with by their own parents rather than the adults from both families being drawn into who did or said what. Also eliminates issues if you have different rules, e.g. about tech in rooms overnight.

ClassicalQueen · 14/03/2025 23:40

I wouldn’t want my children sharing with children they don’t really know. COCSA is far too common. I’d have them share with siblings unless there’s a chance your friends can stay at a hotel or air b and b instead.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/03/2025 23:21

Always own siblings.

I know a couple of people who were abused as children by older kids.

latetothefisting · 14/03/2025 23:20

Onlyvisiting · 14/03/2025 22:46

So you have a 5 bedroom house and are able to offer them 3 of those rooms for themselves and 4 children of which they are 2G and 2 B? Why is there any issue, they can divide their own kids up by age or boy/girl as they choose, Why would any of them need to share with yours at all?

Show quote history

this makes the most sense to me, given you've said your older 2 prefer to share with each other.

Fioratourer · 14/03/2025 23:19

I think your youngest would find it odd to share a room with someone they don’t know. It’s your home so your call. The older kids will probably think it’s fun to have a sleepover together but depends on personalities I think.