Issue with DLA, shared care. AIBU?

@Soontobe60did you actually read my reply? I very clearly said he could use the dla for bills and save his other money and you couldn’t prove it was specifically the dla saved. I answered your question in my original comment.

When that child is born will your ex claim child benefit for it?
Do you get child benefit for any other children?

The reason I ask is this: me and my ex had a 50/50 set up and I had always claimed the child benefit as I worked part time and sorted the child care etc. When we split up he put in a ‘rival claim’ eventually he was awarded the child benefit for one of the children (we had 2) because you get a higher rate for the 1st child and therefore that saw it that financially the children would be better off if they both received the higher rate. In hindsight this was fair. So, when your ex’s child is born put in a rival claim (make it very clear that you know he already claims so that there’s no overpayment) you will be asked to fill out a form with dates the chairs stayed with you and it goes back for months so if you do have your child even 1st at night in a year that will swing in your favour. When you get the child benefit you can basically claim the DLA because they use the child benefit award to decide who should receive it. If you want to send him half then you can but I wouldn’t when he’s been claiming it all this time and not been upfront about it or shared with you. I think I was asked for receipts as well by child benefit award.

Contact DLA. Do you have a court order, any professional documents stating shared care? 50:50 for DLA has to be exactly 50:50. It doesn’t matter who claims the CB. What address does the DR or School have on their records ( this is classed as professional proof ) if it is your address then send a letter with your details on and a letter from either or both and have it switched to yourself.

What other disability related costs does your son have, and who pays for these?

Who attends his appointments or other disability related groups/activities?

That won't work - DLA cases are in the name of a specific parent.

Yes shoes are part of the overall costs of having a child but some children with disabilities get through shoes much quicker than typical children (my son wears AFOs (orthotics) and they make holes in his school shoes in less than a term). Others like the OP's son need more expensive shoes to improve their quality of life and comfort.

I have never seen this on an award letter! Can you tell me how they would know that the DLA is being used for savings as opposed to part of the claimant’s salary? Is the expectation that parents with a child who claims DLA shouldn’t be allowed to have savings?

That isn’t correct. There is no check on what it is used for. It could be paid into a savings account, used towards a house deposit, holiday, take aways every night, basically anything.

Honestly, you will come across as petty. DLA isn’t there to cover the overall costs of having a child - which every child incurs. Shoes are one of these costs. I get that it’s pretty poor that one parent in a 50/50 set up is able to claim CB and DLA and there’s no compulsion for them to split that benefit with the other parent. Out of curiosity, how come your ex claimed the CB and not you?

"I think it would be awful to try and take his DLA when his main carer is trying to save it."

He is not his main carer. They are 50/50.

Would you be able to buy the shoes if you just paid your half? I’d do that in your position. It’s not like the father is denying his son shoes, he’s just saying that he will pay half towards the ones you want.

i realise that specialist shoes will be more expensive, but parents always have to provide shoes with or without DLA. Unless you really can’t afford to provide for your son, I think it would be awful to try and take his DLA when his main carer is trying to save it.

The responses here would be very different if it was the mother claiming DLA and the father asking to split it.

Surely then, if DLA don’t care, is to go to court?

I find it very odd that he’s saving this money for your son, but he’s only giving you half the cost of an item he needs. If that money is really being saved for him he should give you the entire cost of the shoes. I think you should contest the CB and DLA payments.

You can of course put in a rival claim for CB and go from there.

I sympathise but the DLA office won't be interested in this. It's between you and him.

When my dc was awarded DLA a couple of years ago there was a very clear line in the letter stating that it must not be saved for the child’s future and is to be used now. It has also been on all update letters. DLA employee told me that if you save it you don’t need it now so would not be entitled to it.
That said, I don’t know how you would prove it’s the DLA money specifically he is saving. He could say he’s saving other money and using the DLA for every day household bills which would be totally fine.

Put in a rival CB claim so you can claim the dla as the main carer and use it for ds now. Ex is being unfair not using it when ds needs essentials.

So commit fraud. Yes that'll really help. Op you've got no chance with this. If ex is claiming child benefit then he can legitimately claim the dla and the benefits office will not be interested in the fact that he's saving it for Ds. Dla is to help with the extra costs involved and it's up to the receiving parent to decide how that help is used. He could use it all on household bills and that would be classed as legitimate spends as ds benefits from living in the household. As you are 50/50 then you are responsible for your son's living costs whilst he's with you. If he needs things such as certain shoes then just let your ex deal with it, and pay. To be perfectly honest you come across as a bit money grabbing. If your ex has been claiming child benefit for 10 years and been classed as the resident parent then why on earth should the fact that he's expecting another child change that status.

You can put in a rival claim for CB and if it is transferred to you then you can claim the DLA.

SInce your EX is claiming DLA he might be receiving significant payments on universal credit for a disabled child (up to about £450 a month) and being a carer (approx £200 a month)

Ring DLA, tell them you had a change of address and have lost all account details but need to change the address and bank pay details due to a change of circumstance
The change of circumstance being you bite the snake back

Perhaps you should seek some legal advice and consider mediation (if it’s suitable), to see if you can draw up a financial agreement? The thought of showing his finances to a third party, might incentivise him to split the DLA.

Yea sorry.

Actually it has to be used to benefit the claimant and that could be anything from a gas bill to some kind of therapy
But they never check.

You have to sign to say it will be used for his costs his refusal to pay fully for the shoes shows he isnt doing that and they might consider it a breach

DLA is claimed by the main parent, which in the case of 50:50 split would be the one with child benefit (if you do more than half of the actual caring like appointments etc you can put in a rival claim and they will decide who should get it). I've heard some parents do things like alternating years or if there are two kids claiming one each.

The DLA should be used for any care needs. That doesn't necessarily mean 50:50. For example when I first claimed DLA I had 70% care but I didn't transfer any to my ex. This was because all the money was spent directly on his disability clubs and tutoring. For other children the money might be needed for things like incontinence products which would be cost for both homes, so the money would need shared.

Maybe it would be best to write a list of what you think the money would ideally be used for and negotiate from there?