Nasty work colleague

Before we started at this place we was aware of her been a potential problem with new people we had heard things from the manager

Well there's a problem right there. It is not a managers job to gossip about and criticise a member of staff with other members of staff. No wonder she's bloody wary of new people starting if this is what happens. If there is a professional problem with her, then the manager should deal with that as a professional - not gossip and bitch about her behind her back. And I would lay bets she knows too.

You cannot do anything, just ignore her back. She just dislikes you but that doesn’t have to be a problem for you. She is making herself look silly tbh.

Try reframing it. Instead of worrying “Why doesn’t Sarah like me?”, think “Isn’t it lucky I get on so well with Kate and Louise and Jane, so it doesn’t matter if Sarah’s a bit of a cow”. You’re fortunate to have good relationships with your other colleagues - that’s far from guaranteed in life!

You know this woman has been a bit of an issue for others too. So she gets on with your other three colleagues - it sounds like there have been plenty of others she doesn’t get on with. I honestly don’t think you need to worry that you’re the issue here 🙂

If your new and current manager warned you about her you need to go back to them with specific examples and say if they manager can’t deal with her you’d like to be on different shifts or at least not working together

if you didn’t have the get out clause of the manager knowing she’s a bully you’d be buggered- you are massively over invested in what work people think and feel and in most cases you’d struggle to get anyone to help.

I agree entirely with this and have a colleague who is the same with me. I’m polite if I have to interact with her but otherwise ignore. I chat to my other colleagues but tbh I’m perfectly happy just keeping to myself. I have adhd too so I get where you’re coming from. I’m very sensitive to rejection or even perceived rejection so have to try and be rational and not always take things personally.

You need to not react to this person. Grey rock technique. I know it’s very difficult. If they don’t get the reaction they crave, they will move to someone who gives them the dopamine hit they clearly crave.

Some people could pick up on vibes indeed. But the best way to react is to ignore her instead of trying to make her like you. Ignore her or pick up the fight when he’s rude. Don’t waste your time on someone who is not worth it.

Your friend is right - classic bullying behaviour. If she is mean to all of the new staff, they might make a complaint, moan about her etc. If she is only mean to you, then she is trying to create a divide between you and them by treating differently, if you say anything, they will say, 'she is fine with us, OP must wrong/over sensitive', making you look like the unreasonable one and isolating you. It's nothing you have done or not done, it's all about her. Which doesn't make it any nicer for you, but hopefully makes you realise it's not your fault.

I recommend finding a therapist who specialises in neurodiversity. You can find therapists on BACP. I also recommend joining a union so you have support should this escalate. You can find a union here.

Which manager gave you warning about her attitude? the manager from where you've just left from or the manager at the new service you now work for?

Oh dear OP, you're dealing with ' one of those ' - in other words, someone who is a complete cow to you for literally no reason at all, but to others, is perfectly pleasant and nice. I'm surprised you've never encountered the type before. It's a very subtle way of bullying - Mark you out as ' other' ( perhaps due to your ND, she'll be aware of your sensitivities), separate you from the group (treating you differently is an example of this), and slyly undermine and threaten your confidence whilst never being overtly nasty ( especially in front of witnesses). Never ask her for a quiet chat; she'll twist and manipulate your every word. The trick is to treat her as if she were invisible. From now on in, keep the talk to strictly work matters, do not be overly friendly but keep it civil. Never show hurt or any sort of emotion - she'll use it against you as a weakness. You need to show strength and confidenve, even if you don't feel it inside.

I'm sorry to hear that but none of us can demand to be liked by everyone.

But if she ever steps out of line and does or says something you can report her for, then you can take action.

But hopefully it'll never come to that.

By being professional with her but otherwise ignore her.

You have, we all have as it's part of life.

This will be the first time someone's made you aware of it though.

And as a PP said, it's her problem to deal with.

As long as she's professional that's all you can ask for. If she gets to a point where she does something reportable, then report her.

I think you just need to accept that she doesn’t like you. If I were you I would just ignore her and only interact if you need to. As long as you are professional with each other you don’t need to be friendly. I think taking her aside to speak to her about your personal difficulties isn’t going to go well - she doesn’t like you and probably doesn’t care. Just ignore her OP and crack on with your job. You have colleagues you get on with so you don’t need her. Maybe try to remember she’s just someone who works in the same place as you, she doesn’t need to be your friend or like you.

That's something you need to learn to deal with.