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Original poster

Council housing priority - council advising to wait until Ballifs turn up

168 replies

Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 17:54

Hi All,

Im posting here for traffic really to see if anyone else has experienced this or has been able to challenge it. I’m at a loss on how I can support my Mum with this.

My mum has advanced Alzheimer’s (early onset) and is cared for 24/7 by my SIL & Brother. My angel SIL quit her job (as a care home worker) to care for my Mam full time, she does everything for her (personal care, feeding, medication, appointments etc). My SIL & Brother have rented a house from SIL’s brother for a number of years, rent is reasonable and they’ve managed just about but now her brother is moving back home from overseas and would like his house back. SIL has her heart set on a council house because of their low income they will struggle with the private rent but also the area they live is typically flats to rent which wouldn’t be suitable for Mums mobility needs. They would also like the security that having a council house brings as they have a pet and want the stability of not having to move again.
Which is understandable, as they have no savings, wouldn’t really ever be in a position to buy and brother works a low paid job which is a struggle to provide for 3 adults.

Mum has been rejected for benefits due to a super complicated and I think unfair situation, she was basically living in America with her husband when she became unwell and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We (& she) wanted her to come back to the UK but husband insisted they were staying in America as he worked there, he wasn’t aware of how Alzheimer’s disease progresses and sadly she deteriorated quite quickly during Covid and he couldn’t travel to bring her home. He admitted he could no longer care for her and brought her back to the UK and basically promised he would sell up in America and come back to help care for her, but yeah..he didn’t. He’s stayed there and now my Mum hasn’t been able to access any financial support because technically she’s been out of the country. The rules are the rules so it’s just something we’ve had to accept. My SIL therefore hasn’t even had any carers allowance or support.

So the issue is, the council are refusing to acknowledge that my Mum exists basically because she doesn’t have benefits. Despite turning up to the house unannounced and witnessing how unwell she is. The housing officer has told my SIL that they won’t be considered a priority until she is taken to court and ballifs attend the property.

SIL brother has served them a section 21 and said they have until X date to leave, but obviously he doesn’t want to take them to court or get the ballifs. It will cost so much! I just think it’s absolutely crazy that this is the actual advice given? Pay court fees, pay ballifs just to prove you need housing?
Also, they said they’ll likely find them temporary accommodation first before they are able to bid. I just don’t see how this is reasonable for a woman who is highly distressed a lot of the time anyway, can’t manage stairs, needs constant supervision and I’m just so overwhelmed trying to understand how I can help them.

I can’t believe this is actually a thing? Part of me was thinking my SIL might have got the wrong end of the stick but she is adamant that is the advice from the housing officer?! 😳

I am going to write to their MP and I’ve googled so much about this but has anyone experienced a similar situation and is there some kind of legislation or something I can use to write to the council?

OP posts:
bluesatin · 14/03/2025 19:56

Is there somewhere on Mumsnet where US members could advise you about her entitlement to some of her capital? Even if you had to go through a "no win, no fee" lawyer you might get something for her.

Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:51

Simonjt · 14/03/2025 19:46

Suggesting she can’t go to america because of american accents is the height of stupidity.

Surely the best thing is she lives with you, you organise carers, your brother and sister in law can then work fulltime and afford to rent a property.

How is it the height of stupidity? Do you know anything about Alzheimers Simon?
Imagine not knowing where you were, what you did 20 seconds ago, how to talk, how to eat, how to ask for what you need, how to navigate the environment because you don’t know where you are or who people are. Then you find yourself surrounded by American accents but can’t remember how you got there, why people are talking differently and actually the only memories you can connect with that give you a sense of comfort and safety are those familiar memories from decades ago. When you were a child in the north east, and suddenly a geordie accent feels like home and makes you feel safe.

Talk about height of stupidity @Simonjt

OP posts:
Byebyechicken · 14/03/2025 19:50

Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 17:54

Hi All,

Im posting here for traffic really to see if anyone else has experienced this or has been able to challenge it. I’m at a loss on how I can support my Mum with this.

My mum has advanced Alzheimer’s (early onset) and is cared for 24/7 by my SIL & Brother. My angel SIL quit her job (as a care home worker) to care for my Mam full time, she does everything for her (personal care, feeding, medication, appointments etc). My SIL & Brother have rented a house from SIL’s brother for a number of years, rent is reasonable and they’ve managed just about but now her brother is moving back home from overseas and would like his house back. SIL has her heart set on a council house because of their low income they will struggle with the private rent but also the area they live is typically flats to rent which wouldn’t be suitable for Mums mobility needs. They would also like the security that having a council house brings as they have a pet and want the stability of not having to move again.
Which is understandable, as they have no savings, wouldn’t really ever be in a position to buy and brother works a low paid job which is a struggle to provide for 3 adults.

Mum has been rejected for benefits due to a super complicated and I think unfair situation, she was basically living in America with her husband when she became unwell and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We (& she) wanted her to come back to the UK but husband insisted they were staying in America as he worked there, he wasn’t aware of how Alzheimer’s disease progresses and sadly she deteriorated quite quickly during Covid and he couldn’t travel to bring her home. He admitted he could no longer care for her and brought her back to the UK and basically promised he would sell up in America and come back to help care for her, but yeah..he didn’t. He’s stayed there and now my Mum hasn’t been able to access any financial support because technically she’s been out of the country. The rules are the rules so it’s just something we’ve had to accept. My SIL therefore hasn’t even had any carers allowance or support.

So the issue is, the council are refusing to acknowledge that my Mum exists basically because she doesn’t have benefits. Despite turning up to the house unannounced and witnessing how unwell she is. The housing officer has told my SIL that they won’t be considered a priority until she is taken to court and ballifs attend the property.

SIL brother has served them a section 21 and said they have until X date to leave, but obviously he doesn’t want to take them to court or get the ballifs. It will cost so much! I just think it’s absolutely crazy that this is the actual advice given? Pay court fees, pay ballifs just to prove you need housing?
Also, they said they’ll likely find them temporary accommodation first before they are able to bid. I just don’t see how this is reasonable for a woman who is highly distressed a lot of the time anyway, can’t manage stairs, needs constant supervision and I’m just so overwhelmed trying to understand how I can help them.

I can’t believe this is actually a thing? Part of me was thinking my SIL might have got the wrong end of the stick but she is adamant that is the advice from the housing officer?! 😳

I am going to write to their MP and I’ve googled so much about this but has anyone experienced a similar situation and is there some kind of legislation or something I can use to write to the council?

Also, I'm more than a bit confused as to why a flat wouldn't be suitable for your mums mobility needs, but a house would be?
Or do you mean that your DB and SIL would like a bungalow?
There are still council bungalows but as other posters have pointed out, they are not easy to acquire.

FlameGrilledSquirrel · 14/03/2025 19:49

Not being harsh but from the council/states point of view, you could look at it like this...

DM was living in the USA with assets.

For whatever reason, guessing the expense, a home in the USA wasn't on the cards so she's been sent back home without any of those assets to claim benefits /care.

If you're being particularly cynical you could be asking:-

  1. Was the decision to return made prior to her loss of mental capacity?

  2. Why wasn't a home in the USA looked into?

  3. Why didn't they have medical coverage?

  4. What documentation is held relating to the potential assets?

If I was assessing a benefit claim, I would probably refuse the claim on excess capital grounds.

A simple verbal declaration that the husband is being a dick isn't enough. The former marital home is still the former marital home regardless of where it is in the world.

Finally, a previous poster put on about issues with family members being the landlord and I'm guessing this is with a view to benefits.

Basically, as long as it's a genuine tenancy it should be OK (it's complicated but it's pretty much a duck test. Does it have feathers, like water and go quack? Yes? Cool.) The contrived tenancy rules are in place to stop abuse NOT genuine claims.

AquaPeer · 14/03/2025 19:49

I think it’s silly to suggest going back to America- she’s been here since Covid hasn’t she? The best part of 5 years depending on circumstances she might be entitled to recourse to public funds soon. I have a disabled cousin who is entitled after 5 years so do check.

Anyway, to be honest I don’t see how your mums situation relates to your B &SILs- if they’re homeless she’ll be homeless with them but obviously it makes sense for you to house her and then the b&sil situation is just their own and as adults it’s something they have to sort out themselves

TiredArse · 14/03/2025 19:48

You need to contact citizens advice and get their help to apply for benefits again. It’ not unusual to be turned down if you apply straight away, I know someone who had to wait three months to apply to show they intended to remain in the U.K.

As she can no longer manage her own affairs someone in the family can request to be her appointee for benefits and do the forms for her.

Simonjt · 14/03/2025 19:46

Suggesting she can’t go to america because of american accents is the height of stupidity.

Surely the best thing is she lives with you, you organise carers, your brother and sister in law can then work fulltime and afford to rent a property.

Byebyechicken · 14/03/2025 19:46

Terribly sad circumstances OP.
Could your mum file for a divorce?

Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:44

Quinlan · 14/03/2025 19:41

This is going to sound pretty bad but… take her back to America, take her home and leave her husband to organise her care. She has a daughter in the country, he won’t be able to ignore her.
Don’t have her back, don’t help him or answer the door to him or allow him to drop her back round. You simply don’t have the means to help her here, she has no money of her own because her husband won’t release it, she isn’t entitled to any help out here. She has to go home.

We couldn’t do that, he would just get her sectioned and she would die in an unfamiliar place surrounded by American accents and no loved ones who know her.
also, with how advanced her dementia is - unless they literally tranquillise her there is just so way she could even travel on a plane. She literally can’t even sit down for more than 20 seconds without trying to stand and pace again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:41

Byebyechicken · 14/03/2025 19:33

If your mum has no recourse to public funds, why didn't she stay in the USA in the house she half owns?
I'm finding it difficult to imagine wanting to basically separate from my husband if I became unwell and move in with my child.
Did your mum have health insurance and income insurance in the USA?
Wouldn't she have been cared for in the USA?

Because he couldn’t care for her, she was neglected, unwashed, highly distressed and crying and didn’t recognise him and thought he was going to hurt her. He was impatient with her, he doesn’t understand dementia and how to care for someone with dementia. He threatened to get her sectioned in America, if she ended up in a hospital in America then she wouldn’t have been able to travel back over here.

My SIL has worked her entire adult life caring for dementia patients in a care home, she wanted to care for her and she is actually so brilliant and amazing. She offered to quit her care job and care for Mam, we all thought that would be the best thing for her because the alternative would have been a care home in America where she would have been confused and stressed with all the American accents.

OP posts:
Quinlan · 14/03/2025 19:41

This is going to sound pretty bad but… take her back to America, take her home and leave her husband to organise her care. She has a daughter in the country, he won’t be able to ignore her.
Don’t have her back, don’t help him or answer the door to him or allow him to drop her back round. You simply don’t have the means to help her here, she has no money of her own because her husband won’t release it, she isn’t entitled to any help out here. She has to go home.

Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:37

CaptainFuture · 14/03/2025 19:32

When he could literally sell their house (which is a huge 5 bed American home and he lives there alone) he could downsize and pay for a house in cash for them.
Sorry who thinks this? They want him to sell his and am assume the house their daughter stays in when not at college and buy your brother and sil a house outright?
Or do they mean buy a house in your mum's name, that would be an asset when she needs a care home?

He has a 5 bedroom house in America, which my Mam put 200k down on (all of her savings) that he lives in alone and yes my youngest sister stays there when at college. I suggested he sell the house, downsize and with the left over equity he buy a house with cash and put it in my youngest sisters name (not Brother or SIL)
i didn’t think that was a crazy idea, that way they have somewhere to live and my youngest sister has a property in the UK for the future

OP posts:
Byebyechicken · 14/03/2025 19:33

If your mum has no recourse to public funds, why didn't she stay in the USA in the house she half owns?
I'm finding it difficult to imagine wanting to basically separate from my husband if I became unwell and move in with my child.
Did your mum have health insurance and income insurance in the USA?
Wouldn't she have been cared for in the USA?

CaptainFuture · 14/03/2025 19:32

When he could literally sell their house (which is a huge 5 bed American home and he lives there alone) he could downsize and pay for a house in cash for them.
Sorry who thinks this? They want him to sell his and am assume the house their daughter stays in when not at college and buy your brother and sil a house outright?
Or do they mean buy a house in your mum's name, that would be an asset when she needs a care home?

Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:27

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/03/2025 19:19

Other than getting legal advice it doesn’t sound like you can help if your brother and SIL won’t accept sensible advice about housing. Can they move closer to you so you can help with your mum too?

I suggested this a while back, when my Dad died we each inherited an amount we could use to help our housing situations. I used my share as a deposit to get on the ladder, my sister did the same. My brother spent his on who knows what, nothing to show for it. At the time the house next door to me was for sale and I said come and live next door to me and I’ll be on hand daily. SIL has all her family in the north east so won’t move. I would love to move up there but my son is secondary age and I co-parent with his Dad who lives here, I couldn’t uproot him at this point in his life. So I basically use all of my AL to travel up and provide respite (another issue really, because SIL refuses to allow carers into the home to support, so whenever they need a break it’s up to me to travel up or my sister to travel and use all of her AL to provide respite) which of course we want to help as much as we can but it’s all just very exhausting and I just want my Mam to be comfortable and happy. In the middle of all this I’m just grieving her so hard and I miss talking to her every day, she was my rock even when she lived in America I would talk to her daily when my siblings would barely pick up the phone. I am trying so hard to keep everyone happy, so the whole council house thing is like a fixation my SIL has and I darent go against her or burst her bubble because if I fall out with her then I won’t be able to see my Mam. It’s shit.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/03/2025 19:19

Other than getting legal advice it doesn’t sound like you can help if your brother and SIL won’t accept sensible advice about housing. Can they move closer to you so you can help with your mum too?

Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:14

CaptainFuture · 14/03/2025 19:07

How did your mum meet her husband? If she only lived in America for 5 years, but has a child old enough to be on college, did they all live over here and move to USA for college? Did your mum work in USA? What did she live off in not for the 5 years she was there? @Blueotter22

They met back when I was a teenager, so have been together over 25 years. They moved to the states because he got a great job and my little sister went to high school there and now college. She didn’t work in America, his wage is really good so essentially she was a house wife and I would visit a couple of times a year to see them. I noticed her behaviour had changed and I had to beg them to go for assessment, when she was diagnosed I said they should return but him & my sister were settled in their American life and neither wanted to give it up and come home so they remain there.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 14/03/2025 19:11

When I mentioned about him selling his house he was shocked and completely shut it down, he’s not spoken to me since and neither really have my siblings because everyone is under this impression that the council is just going to house them. When he could literally sell their house (which is a huge 5 bed American home and he lives there alone) he could downsize and pay for a house in cash for them. They could get a 2 bed property in the area they are for 150-180k. I didn’t think that was a crazy idea, but apparently I don’t know what I’m talking about and so I’ve been cut from the family group chat.

I'm sorry to say but your siblings have to get in the real world and support you to get legal advice fast.

As has been mentioned lots on this thread, so many people are waiting for council properties and living in b and bs and unsuitable accommodation. Its unlikely your sil, brother and mum will immediately be giving suitable accommodation (if at all) so they need to start thinking about what is best for your mum and not just being given a forever home.

They need a reality check and the way to get that is seeking legal advice to enable your mum to get her assets that she js entitled to from her crappy husband.

Namechanged4obviousreasons · 14/03/2025 19:10

You need to Google the habitual residence test and follow the rules for this, I.e showing that she is here permanently and intending to stay and put down roots. It’s all simple stuff like registering with a GP, bank etc.

I think it’s unlikely that your brother and sister in law will be owed a homeless duty as they have to be classed as being in priority need, which aside from your mum who they can’t count as part of the household, they’re not. There may also be issues with their landlord being a relative.

CaptainFuture · 14/03/2025 19:07

How did your mum meet her husband? If she only lived in America for 5 years, but has a child old enough to be on college, did they all live over here and move to USA for college? Did your mum work in USA? What did she live off in not for the 5 years she was there? @Blueotter22

AquaPeer · 14/03/2025 19:04

Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 18:08

I feel embarrassed I didn’t know this!! I’ve historically privately rented but I’m a home owner now so I have no experience of needing social housing. This is wild, so how are you supposed to know where you’re going when the ballifs turn up? Would they have to take my Mam to the council office? She is very unwell and doesn’t do well in public (screams, shouts, grabs people, calls people names, hits people when distressed)

Everyday families turn up at their local council offices with their car full of belongings to declare homelessness. If they don’t have family they’ll go into a hostel type place- they’ll still have to pay rent for it, and they can be pretty pricey but they’ll get some help claiming the benefits they’re entitled too.

toddlers have to go along to do this, they won’t give a seconds consideration to your mum im afraid

Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 19:03

Namechangetry · 14/03/2025 18:56

Its just a mess really, I think SIL has a friend who was housed in a new build council house and now thinks this is her opportunity to have a forever home and care for my Mum until the end. We all did talk to her about private renting but she is pretty insistent that a council house is the only way (for stability, affordability and she has a dog who is like a child for her so she needs a place that’s suitable for my Mam and a dog)

Harshly, if your SIL has quit her job and taken on caring for your DM because she thought it'd be an opportunity to get a nice cheap new build council house which she can keep her dog in, she has massively massively shot herself in the foot. The council don't care about her wish to have a pet, or really about her wishes at all. Do you realise that homeless people get rehoused sometimes in a different city to where they work and have family, and others wait over 10 years in temporary accommodation? She can be as insistent as she likes, it's not up to her.

The best option seems to be for you to consult a lawyer to find a way to get DMs husband to pay for her care or make a settlement on her - doesn't your younger half sister want her mum safe? Could she intervene with the husband?

I have tried to gently talk to my younger half sibling, she’s currently at college in America and her Dad (Mams husband) financially supports her. She’s worried about the situation but more worried about her college being paid for/ financial support from her Dad. So she is saying that her Dad can’t afford to help anymore than he can because Mam would have wanted her to go to college, which is true but also..Mams about to be homeless and has no money, it’s really hard to intervene when the husband is so tight lipped about his financial situation and I can only go on what my Mam told me when they were well (that she put a large deposit down on the house in America 100-200k)

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueotter22 · 14/03/2025 18:58

Whaleandsnail6 · 14/03/2025 18:46

It seems absurd that your mums husband can effectively ditch her in another country and because she does not have capacity, she cannot divorce him and be entitled to the assets and equity that is rightfully hers.

Have you sought legal advice on her divorcing him? The fact that he can effectively leave her homeless and penniless whilst he remains in their marital home is nuts

Also it sounds like there is no way your mum could cope with temporary accommodation.

I dont know how it works but would she be eligible for a care home if your sil and brother are forced into temporary accommodation?

I think you all need some proper legal advice, this all sounds so difficult and messy.

I haven’t had any legal advice yet. It’s been a really rough few years as our estranged Dad died overseas so it’s taken years to sort all of his affairs and everything feels like it’s left to me to sort as the oldest daughter. My brother and sister (3 of us original children of my Mam) are the type to just not say anything, don’t want to have conflict, want to keep the peace. Whereas I think it’s insane too that he’s basically just dumped her over here, is free to carry on working and earning a good wage, is dating new women and living his life without having to even come and see her. He thinks he’s a brilliant man and a caring husband because he pays SIL less than minimum wage and basically takes advantage of her kindhearted nature knowing she will never ever put her in a care home.

When I mentioned about him selling his house he was shocked and completely shut it down, he’s not spoken to me since and neither really have my siblings because everyone is under this impression that the council is just going to house them. When he could literally sell their house (which is a huge 5 bed American home and he lives there alone) he could downsize and pay for a house in cash for them. They could get a 2 bed property in the area they are for 150-180k. I didn’t think that was a crazy idea, but apparently I don’t know what I’m talking about and so I’ve been cut from the family group chat.

If I was able to buy a second property myself I would in a heart beat but I can’t afford to. It’s such a mess 😔

OP posts:
Namechangetry · 14/03/2025 18:56

Its just a mess really, I think SIL has a friend who was housed in a new build council house and now thinks this is her opportunity to have a forever home and care for my Mum until the end. We all did talk to her about private renting but she is pretty insistent that a council house is the only way (for stability, affordability and she has a dog who is like a child for her so she needs a place that’s suitable for my Mam and a dog)

Harshly, if your SIL has quit her job and taken on caring for your DM because she thought it'd be an opportunity to get a nice cheap new build council house which she can keep her dog in, she has massively massively shot herself in the foot. The council don't care about her wish to have a pet, or really about her wishes at all. Do you realise that homeless people get rehoused sometimes in a different city to where they work and have family, and others wait over 10 years in temporary accommodation? She can be as insistent as she likes, it's not up to her.

The best option seems to be for you to consult a lawyer to find a way to get DMs husband to pay for her care or make a settlement on her - doesn't your younger half sister want her mum safe? Could she intervene with the husband?

CaptainFuture · 14/03/2025 18:54

My mam was only in the states for 5/6 years, before then she did work in the UK most of her adult life
Trying to work it out so she moved to states at 48ish? So must have at least 30 years of NI payments? Is there a welfare advice team in your area?