Should we always be kind?

If the person doesn’t seem scary, you could smile and thank them loudly. “Thank you sooo much for letting me sit down, my knee was killing me!”.

Not at all. I have been bullied a lot though.... even as an adult.
People huff and puff in frustration. It is a problem they have with the situation. They will do it alone too.

are you a bully IRL? Just an impression I get 😉

It really isn't.

You don’t need to judge shit behaviour but you do need to call it out.

I love what my friend did. I don't know what the female equivalent of 'balls of steel's is, but she has them!
She got onto a crowded bus and saw someone sat alone, but with their bags on the seat next to them. She politely asked the lady to move her bags so she could sit down. The lady refused and said "I don't want your fat ass next to me" (so rude anyway, although my friend is very large).
So... my friend just sat on her bags. I thought it was brilliant.

Negative behaviour can never be fought with negative behaviour.

Swamp 'em with kindness or let them wallow alone.

I was going through chemotherapy at the time, (mentioned) no idea what you mean by "unmanaged" menopause? I wasn't fit and healthy at the time, I was immunocompromised and didn't want anyone near me. That aside, it's not acceptable for a man to shove a woman into the road.

Look, it's not about "do or don't" call out bad behaviour. You know the answer is "do". The question, and it's a societal question, is: how do you call it out in a kind and respectful way?

I would have, in this scenario, turned to her and said, "You sound uncomfortable. Do you need some extra room?" With a friendly smile. Which would have generated your answer: they'd have either voiced any discomfort and your respect was warranted, or they mumble "No" and shut up. Or, go full ham and cuss you out, in which case it was a lost cause anyway. 😅🙏

You wanted to sit there. She didn’t want you to sit there.

That’s literally all there is to it. No navel gazing required.

Of course it is.

In this situation I ask sweetly ‘Is your bag disabled? Because I am, and I’d like to sit down please.’

She didn’t assault anyone. He walked into her elbow.

I did similar once. Busy main road and pavement only wide enough for two people. A couple were walking towards me. She had a buggy. I moved to the side nearest the road so she didn’t have to move. But he clearly wasn’t going to drop back behind her. He just walked at me. So I stood still and braced my shoulder and put my bag in front of me. He walked straight into me and yelled in pain at the impact. I was a stationary object. I did not assault him. I also did not fancy walking into a busy 40mph road so he didn’t have to drop back.

I always thought "Be Kind", applied to situations where one or more of the following applied;

• It's easy for you to be nice, and costs you little, but would be nice for someone else.

• Someone is clearly struggling and needs help.

• The benefit of you doing something, vastly outweighs the cost to yourself.

Generally, you should "Be Kind", to those who are generally nice or neutral, or potentially those having some sort of breakdown, who might be acting badly because of the acute stress they're under.

It never occurred to me that it also covered arseholes 🤷‍♀️ I could be wrong though.

Huffing and puffing is not bullying.

Her huffing and puffing is just passive aggression. I don't rise to stuff like that, because sometimes that is what they want you to do.
Rising to it gets you nowhere, apart from conflict.

That's disgusting of you, you can't use unmanaged menopause as an excuse to assault people in the street. What a world it would be if fit and healthy people went around elbowing people and smacking people out of the way because of their hormones, you're lucky he was a reasonable man or you could have been in hospital.

Kindness should be reserved for those who deserve it.

This woman didn’t deserve kindness. Tolerance, sufferance maybe. But even in the kindest possible interpretation of her behavior she was being pretty unreasonable.

Kindness doesn’t have to be dispensed without limits. Why do you think you should disadvantage yourself for this highly unreasonable person?

You had what you needed from her (the seat) and she wasn't verbally abusing you, being physically aggressive or doing anything else you weren't fully capable of ignoring.

Refraining from lecturing strangers about how graciously they meet our needs is not kindness or tolerance, it's just an awareness that no one is going to be receptive to an unsolicited manners lecture from random strangers and escalating everything into a confrontation improves absolutely nothing - the person who responded to a polite request with that attitude wasn't going to suddenly be nicer to you because you snapped back.

I don't agree with this. Yes, lots of people are arseholes but you don't have to just roll over and accept it. Bullies thrive because no one challenges them on their shitty behaviour and they continue.

I wouldn't have said anything. Mostly because I avoid confrontation like the plague. But also, what good will come of it? No one ever reacted well to being confronted. She's clearly an arsehole. She doesn't deserve any charitible thoughts. However bad her day/life has been, she knows her bags don't need a seat and other people do. She just didn't want anyone to sit by her.

LMAO!!!

Something similar happened to me on public transport once, also a woman. I just ignored it. You never know if someone has a knife or something, or is just a complete loony who might punch you. Absolutely best not to engage. And whatever their terrible problem is with letting someone else have a seat that they have a perfect right to, it's not about you but is everything to do with them, so you wouldn't win anyway. Engaging with public crazies is a losing game.

No. Some people deserve a tongue lashing.

I don't really understand why you're wasting head space on this tbh. Lots of people are arseholes. Let them be arseholes and go about your life not being an arsehole 🤷🏻‍♀️