Content Warning (concerns S.A.) Added by MNHQ - To have expected more from school safeguarding

I would be absolutely livid. There is no way my school would act like this. It almost reads like they don't even believe her. Shocking. I'm glad she has you to fight for her.

OP I was in the same situation as your daughter in the December before my a level mocks - I was so traumatised I dropped out of school completely (and my dad told me if I dropped out of school I could drop out of the family too- so I did just that).
I would personally tell the school your daughter isn't sitting mocks at all. They are not compulsory and frankly any sort of exam pressure right now will only be detrimental.
You can do a levels at any time but she will only go through this experience right now and she needs you to have her back and let her control the situation xx

I actually cannot believe what I have just read, and really hope that the 2% who voted yabu pressed the wrong option accidentally.

@123dontcomeatme what an incredibly brave step your daughter has taken in reporting it to the police, such a hard thing to do. And what an amazingly supportive parent you are. Well done for complaining, you are absolutely right to do so, though I can well imagine how much all this is taking out of you.

Women must now learn to "bounce back" from sexual assault and "build resilience"! I've literally heard it all. That woman should not be in that job. Disgusting attitude. 😡

Children do need to be more resilient to things like bad grades, failures, friendship troubles, and things that are everyday occurrences… not sexual violence. Your poor daughter. I would go after that safeguarding lead in any way possible. What an absolute insane and insensitive thing to say.

I am so sorry op for the school's response. I am glad you have emailed and I am sending all my strength to you and your daughter. I don't have any good words to say about need to bounce back, that is beyond anything I could ever comprehend saying to someone. I am so sorry. You have your daughter's back, what a fanatastic Mum and advocate you are.

The school will have a head of exams. Usually SLT. This isn’t just about exams though is it.

I'm really sorry the school is so unhelpful.

I would try bypassing the empathy void of the safeguarding team and speak to the exams officer directly.

Ask them about special consideration, sitting exams separately, what arrangements they have made for students previously in difficult situations and what medical evidence is required. You can explain they are a victim of a serious crime without going into detail. SLT often don't really have a clue about how external exams are arranged. The exams officer is the expert.

I'm an exams invigilator and I would ask that your daughter sit her exams at home. I have done this, a couple of students had serious events happen to them so it can be done.

I hope you and your daughter can get better support from the school. Wishing you both some peace and resolution from this awful situation and please take it easy.

I’m so sorry to read this, you are absolutely right here, you have your priorities in the right order.

People in these safeguarding/attendance roles are often low paid and not very qualified, I would bet this person has had no experience or training of dealing with a situation like this, and has just accepted the idea that school attendance is more important than anything else in the world.

This.

I'm so sorry how awful for you both. School have been extremely inappropriate here and you did the right thing by complaining. I work in education and if someone in one of my schools had said that there would be retraining across the team.
Sending you love as you navigate this and give wonderful support to your daughter

Horrendous response from the school. I am sorry your daughter has had to endure their pressure to sit the mocks. Also for you, supporting your DD through the harrassment from the school and the family of the arrested person.

One option would be to consider pulling her out of her school and then restarting year 13 in September but it would probably be at the same school due to content and funding.

If she decides to go ahead this year definitely ask for special consideration but also if she has applied to uni and has an offer I would also want them to be aware of her situation too in case she does drop grades and they need to consider why.

My friend's daughter was raped and her younger sister didn't do so great in her A levels because of the family trauma and my friend regrets not asking for special consideration as her head was all over the place. The DD missed her uni place too because of the grade drop but no one was informed. They just kept it to themselves.

Im so sorry OP. It is beyond awful and DD deserves to be treated better

How awful of a response, thoughts with you both

I am a dsl in a secondary school and that is not the way we would have handled it. The process would be student led and they would be supported to do as much or as little as they felt possible. There would be enough evidence to supply to exam boards later if necessary, there are ways to get around mocks and when they happen for much less serious barriers.

i wish your daughter and your family well, I am so sorry this has happened to her.

Sorry only read your posts OP. I am assuming she is at a high pressurised school and results are everything . Not at all the same but my DS broke his back mid mocks. He’s still not done them. School not pressurising him. Also I have applied for special cons (no idea how he’ll cope with the exams). Head of 6th form was really supportive. Go back to school on his schedule. Will call uni on results day if grades lower etc.
Just do what is right for you, not the school.

Oh OP how very distressing. I’d ring them back and ask what how to bounce back from rape and really put them on the spot. Then I’d follow the suggestion up in writing to the Governors. Education is now about profitability and results, the poor children the system is meant to be serving and nurturing for the future are just an inconvenience.
Hopefully all the other services you are dealing with are more supportive and understanding. Hugs to you and your DD

I’m not entirely sure what I expected when I opened this thread but reading that a young woman should “bounce back quicker” from being raped absolutely was not it.

That is outrageous, especially from a safeguarding professional. I would absolutely complain about this, it is appalling.

Get the college to contact the exam board for special consideration. This stress isn’t going away in a few months. Speak to the doctor about medical options for being signed off school.

You are going through a traumatic experience. You are doing the best for your daughter. Look after yourself also. Have you all got access to counselling?

Honestly, I’d be pulling her out. She doesn’t need to be carrying on with normal life for now, she needs gentle routine and safety. She needs stability. She doesn’t need to be revising or dealing with being on her own or in school. I was your daughter and I tried normal for many years until it broke me. It catches up with you if you don’t take the time to be wrapped up in cotton wool so you can deal and eventually begin to heal.
School isn’t the place for her at the moment.

Id phone and ask for principal to ring you. This is totally unacceptable and has minimised impact of rape.

The fact your dd has attended school is huge. The school have been utterly insensitive.

This is truly disgusting. When you’ve got your strength up and are feeling better I think you should complain in writing to the school, making sure to send a copy to the governors, stating that comments about children lacking resilience are completely inappropriate when discussing a child’s experience of sexual abuse and indicate the person making them is not in any way qualified to take on a safeguarding role and needs to engage with a great deal of training.

No that’s appalling, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with staff who are so lacking in empathy. Do what you need to support your girl and to look after yourself.