Content Warning (concerns S.A.) Added by MNHQ - To have expected more from school safeguarding

i would be wanting to complain as high as you can take it for that terrible attitude . That woman shouldn’t be in that role .

I would certainly not be happy just having a headteacher having a word … I would want her hauled in front of higher people . Could you contact the local authority education dept ?

Disgraceful . No wonder there’s a massive mental health problem within our teenagers with teachers like that .

I really hope you get a serious response tomorow @123dontcomeatme . they should have at least acknowledged your email on Friday.

Is the school in a Trust? If so, escalate to the CEO if you haven’t received an acknowledgement by Monday. If not in a Trust, do the same with the Chair of the Local Governing Body. It’s horrific that nobody has ever replied to you.

Absolutely agree OP. All the governors etc deserve to know what appalling treatment of someone who's suffered the most appalling attack and needs absolute support not criticism or being told to get over it.

@123dontcomeatmethats disgraceful. I think both times we’ve raised a much smaller issue with the school the head has called after school. I would expect a ‘I’m looking into this as it’s serious’ email at least.
From your comments and the schools obsession with exams I assume it’s a private or a grammar school. Are they trying to minimise it so not as to look bad somehow? Is the accused at the school and they are trying to stop a ‘scandal’.
You are doing your best so don’t panic about anything. As you can see on here it’s the school that is beyond unreasonable.
And for the few posters who told her to do the exams as it will do her good I assume their kids haven’t suffered a trauma, or are also at a school where they push too. DS still hasn’t done half his mocks, his teachers are now helping him with plenty of timed questions instead. He now wants to get his head down and revise for the real thing. Just do the right thing for you and your DD each day. And yes, make sure you are getting support too.

Which school is this OP?

Bounce fucking back and move your therapy to a more convenient time !!?!?!

Great advice given here already.
Follow it all.
Write to everyone and send everyone copies!

Bounce fucking back.

to your DD and to you her strong Mum.

Good God, this response from the school is shocking. Your poor Dd, I'm so sorry this has happened to her.

Echo PPs re: complaining (to HT in the first instance as you have done, and then escalate)
Definitely ask the school to put in for extenuating circumstances for Dd's exams, plus extra time/sitting from home etc. Bear in mind that extenuating circumstances add hardly anything to the marks - we were told just a couple of %.

Wow! I’d also be contacting g the board of governors. What bastards. You bounce back from a grazed knee, not trauma like your dd has been through.

make sure you talk to someone also about how you’re feeling because it all affects you too.

FFS she can take her exams next year, And I doubt kindness will be shown in this school as it has been very lacking so far

I would imagine they are trying to help her but we’re a bit awkward about it. She’ll have to resit if she doesn’t take her exams and she might pass them and it might take her mind off things also

I know this wouldn’t happen in our school and have dealt with cases such as this.

this is directly affecting the well-being of your child and if you get no response from the principal I would request a meeting with the ISVA, , yourself and the school. The ISVA is there to advocate for your daughter and if the schools approach is detrimental to her MH and recovery, it should be escalated to CSC for a strategy meeting in my view.
the LADO can also be informed if necessary about decision making of the DSL.
there should be an agreed plan and your daughter should not be made to feel guilty about missing revision sessions for her therapy.

this has been very poorly handled and as others posters have said, is not a trauma informed approach.

keeping children safe in education provides guidance on dealing with children as victims of sexual assault - can’t link on my phone at the moment but google it and make sure you are fully aware of their responsibilities.

also they should be keeping your daughter’s SA anonymous as much as possible but the fact she is getting questions from her maths teacher worried me that she has had to disclose to him

That’s appalling. Don’t work in safeguarding but have done enough safeguarding training in schools to know you don’t say. “Everything will be ok” because it might not be for that young person. And the DSL’s comment is in the same vein as that.

I am sorry that is absolutely horrendous, what an awful thing for them to say to you. Totally minimising her trauma. Definitely complain and go to the LADO.

Has she been out of school for more than 15 days then contact the local authority for EOTAS or alternative provision which given the circumstances will suit her needs better.

"If the child is not attending by reason of illness or otherwise there is no deadline set out in law by which the LA must assume responsibility. However, statutory guidance says local authorities should provide education “as soon as it is clear that the child will be away from school for 15 days or more.”

https://edyourself.org/eotas/#:~:text=If%20the%20child%20is%20not,for%2015%20days%20or%20more.%E2%80%9D

To include the LADO

I think you need to put in a safeguarding about the school

I am so sorry for your poor daughter.
Everything you have said is totally appalling , i just can't understand what the thinking is from people who are meant to be professionals in this field.
I feel such rage for how your daughter and your family have been treated.
How dare they say such weak platitudes in such a serious and heartbreaking situation , i hope the head is thinking about how he will be handling these morons hence his delay in replying to you .
I hope you and your precious girl get all the love and support you need ,there are so many better people out there who will get you the help you so deserve.

You have no idea what will be good for her, or what kind of environment that school is.

Kindness? Like being asked to move THERAPY ? Like being told she needs more resilience? Like being told she’ll bounce back? And that’s just the adults, nevermind the kids who can be massive arseholes .

What’s more vital for her future is that OP’s daughter recovers and heals, physically, emotionally and mentally. Her mocks will be irrelevant on her epitaph (worst case scenario).

Unfortunately this is partly a consequence of selective settings which prioritise achievement rates over everything else. It is not acceptable. Ask them if they have had any trauma informed training and whether they use a trauma informed approach to managing students.

While it does seem harsh as you are reeling from this, getting her to school will be good for her mentally. Kindness will be shown in school ask then to give her sume out card so if she needs to leave lessons and go to the pastoral office for support she can. Also her mocks are vital. Don't let this horrible incident further hamper her future

I’m so sorry for what your daughter has been through, and I know it affects the whole family, so please look after yourself too.

i would respond by email to the DSL to ask her to confirm what she said to you on the phone, bullet points will suffice. Include what the maths teacher said as this points out that either the DSL hasn’t made staff aware that she needs a supportive environment, or that staff need focussed training on managing the experience of students in crisis.

Then, if the Headteacher has not responded my Monday midday (allowing 48 hours on school days, they are no doubt investigating their end) I would follow the complaints procedure that legally has to be available on the school website, copying in the Safeguarding governor (name should also be on the website).

I was coming on to say you could contact the LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer), but I see someone has already suggested this.

in my experience, the fact your daughter is attending school shows her strength of character, she’s in crisis and needs emotional support over and above anything, which it sounds like you’re on top of, well done.