Content Warning (concerns S.A.) Added by MNHQ - To have expected more from school safeguarding

It sounds like the head of staff are pro rapists… any chance he’s related to the suspect? He might just be a rapist who’s gotten away with it…. What you need is people on your side. Local WA? You need people who are womens rights advocates who have the free time!

I honestly wouldn’t want that moron working at that school anymore. Take a complaint and make the school liable. By the way she’s acting its sounds like she’s the kind or person that would offer up kids to paedo’s…. Make it known.

@123dontcomeatme

I’m really sorry you are going through this. This is shocking. I’m going through a terrible situation with my DS where the school are clearly failing him, and getting similar - no responses to emails, defensive and horribly uncaring attitude.

My current plan is to write to the Director of Children’s Services. There will also be a raising a concern/complaint procedure on your school website.
Its hugely emotionally draining and unjust, but when a school HAS actually done something wrong, the barriers that go
up are shocking.

I agree with this and also he probably could not get in contact with the teachers involved but nonetheless he should have sent you an email after saying he would. Their behaviour is as bad as I have heard in any schools handling of a very serious incident. It is that bad.

I'm so sorry for the horrendous situation you and your daughter are in, and how the school is making it so much worse. I would threaten to report them to Ofsted (and seriously consider doing it).

You sound like a wonderful mum who is doing her absolute best to support and protect her daughter.

OP I'm so sorry. And I'm impressed that you manage to keep going. Hope you get something approaching a decent response today.

It sounds like you both really need a break. Can you have one without getting away? Not to add to your list of things to fret about, but I tink you should have no compunctions about getting yourself signed off sick, for instance. I'd be crying in a corner in your shoes.

The head of sixth, and DSL are totally in the wrong. You're right to complain about them and expect answers. They're fully aware and doing nothing.

I am so sorry your dd and you haven’t been supported by the school. I hope you get through today ok and that your dd has a better day. Hopefully you will get a decent response today.

Wow OP I am so sorry.

You're doing all the right things. I guess the principal is going to have a conversation with the individuals who spoke to you/sent the emails today, and then feed back.

In slight defence of the maths teacher, it might be that they are completely unaware of what's happened. Schools don't tend to share information like that anymore between teachers, to protect the child from being treated differently. We might get an email saying your DD had a traumatic experience and needs support so please don't ask. However judging by the teachers response, it's very likely they knew nothing.

Thr rest of the handling of the situation is an utter shit show and I hope you get some answers soon.

This, 100%.

That person should not be in that role. She was raped. Jesus !

Please tell me the police are across the harassment you are getting from the rapists family OP.

I should think they’re worried OP. They know they’ve fucked up and will want to take advice from outside agencies. Sorry you’re going through this.

OK, I'm mad enough on your and your DDs behalf, and on behalf of all victims of SA who are not taken seriously, to have drafted the exact email that I would send in your shoes. About the aggravating factors I mention, I'm sure there were some, and you have to make them take this seriously, since they seem to have no clue or care whatsoever. Re. Major Crimes unit, rape as well as murder comes under that unit.

Dear School Fuckers,

I am contacting you in reference to my daughter X's current situation.

You are all aware that she is currently not herself, and why. For anyone reading who is not aware, X was raped earlier this month. As you know, there has recently been an arrest and the police are pursuing the case. It will likely go to trial and result in a lengthy prison sentence if the perpetrator is convicted due to aggravating factors which I cannot disclose, both for the sake of my daughter's privacy and because such evidence is part of the case and therefore not public knowledge at this time.

I am writing today because I'm overwhelmed with disgust at the school's treatment of my daughter after this terrible incident. A said to me yesterday that she "needs to learn resilience" and "bounce back quicker." As if this isn't shocking enough, B said that doing her mocks will "help her."

You are brushing off the effects of an attack that's serious enough to be under the remit of the Major Crimes unit along with murder. In addition, you propose to expose the victim to yet more stress in the form of mocks. The idea of my daughter in your hands at this time makes me shudder. You have a duty of care to the children whose trust is placed in you, and for adults to treat this vicious attack as if she needs to pick up her jolly hockey stick and be a good sport makes me sick. You are not fit to care for her in her current state.

The pressure you are putting on someone whose mental state is already precarious due to having her life recently torn apart by a serious crime is nothing short of abusive. Please don't bother me with your safeguarding nonsense. She does need safeguarding - from this school, because you clearly haven't given a second's thought to what she went through and seem to care not one jot that what happened to her is life-changing and will haunt her forever.

We will be visiting her GP and they will advise on what's best for her for the rest of the school year, due to her current suffering and resultant mental-health status.

In the meantime, please refrain from placing a vulnerable child under yet more unnecessary pressure.

We will be in touch when we have decided the best way for X to move forward.

Yours sincerely,

A Mumsnetter who'd like to smack you all over the head with some cast-iron Le Creuset

I'm so sorry that your daughter is going through this.

I'm wondering if it might be worth considering her taking the rest of the school year off and starting her final A-level year again in September? She has been a victim of a serious crime, a crime that's punishable by many years in jail. I would point that out to the school. I don't think that mocks and revision and school attendance should be expected of her at this time. If she'd been severely beaten up they wouldn't expect this, but just because she hasn't been, doesn't mean that her psyche hasn't been grievously injured. I am absolutely appalled at the school's response. EVERYONE knows that rape is the worst crime that can happen to a girl or woman, except being murdered. I would be steaming mad at their dismissal of her suffering and the terrible, terrible crime she has suffered, one which will haunt her forever.

I have no idea about your financial situation, but can you afford private school for her for one year?

Regardless, I bet your GP would sign her off for the remainder of the school year.

Sending love to you both xxx The world just isn't fair.

Omfg. That's unacceptable, I'm sorry.

My daughter (though a few yrs younger than yours..) was also raped and her attendance suffered. Her school showed concern and wanted to support her but I would absolutely flip if they said something like that. I'm appalled reading this.

I’m sorry that your DD is going through and for you having to deal with this utter crap from the school.

Just on a practical note - look for the school of trusts complaints policy. and make an official complaint.
As PP have said contact the exams officer regarding special consideration - they only apply for this after the exam but keep all your documents. She can also ask for rest breaks which don’t need assessment if she’s getting overwhelmed. And separate room or home exams.

What kind of school is this? Sunday revision? DSL with frankly disgusting response and headteacher just not responding appropriately!

Be strong as you are and just tell the school NO.

I am so sorry for your daughter’s trauma.

You’ve had comments from people saying she should not worry about school. I think the most important thing is what does your daughter want. She’s had control / choice over her own body violently taken away from her - it’s so important now she has a choice in how she approaches school. She’s worked hard for almost 2 years - her letting her grades drop has to be something she thinks is the best thing for her, or the man who raped her will have taken that choice away from her too.

If she is going to uni, with her permission maybe speak to their Sen department - they could drop their grade offers for her if they wanted to.

You sound like a wonderful mother and your daughter sounds so strong. Sending you both strength and resilience may healing begin.

You don’t need experience or training to know that saying a rape victim is lacking in resilience is wrong. You just need to be a basic, functioning human being.

The DSL should never work in safeguarding or with young people again.

Playing devils advocate, he probably wants to catch up with the staff you have already communicated with to see exactly what is going on. Obviously they aren’t working over the weekend. Hopefully he will have a much better response to you on Monday.

Sadly, I’ve dealt with a few similar incidents and am equally horrified at their response to you.

Pleaae take care and remember to breathe when you need to.