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Original poster

Content Warning (concerns S.A.) Added by MNHQ - To have expected more from school safeguarding

190 replies

123dontcomeatme · 14/03/2025 07:35

I honestly feel like I'm in an alternative universe at the moment.

My daughter is in her last year of a levels. She has been raped and experienced other sexual assults and cohersive control. This has been taken to the police, its taken about 6 weeks but she's done the interview, has an ivsa, therapy in place.

During this time her school attendance has been sporadic. I think that is understandable. The police, ivsa and therapy all talk about this being a hard time and doing what she feels comfortable doing etc.
The school are getting shirty.
Ive kept in communication with the school, the ivsa has spoken to them too.

Despite this, I had a call from safeguarding last night, pushing for my daughter to do her mocks. I said she had been doing well but the arrest too place on Wednesday and we have both had harassment from the family since, which has been reported and is being dealt with and how that's been very difficult, I couldn't work on Wednesday, my emotions were too huge, let alone my daughter.

The safeguarding lead then said, ' well hopefully she will bounce back quicker this time, that's the issue with children now, they need to build more resilience.

I am just dumbstruck.

I replied that this was a very serious matter and that if she was working it would be likely she would be off sick and she just gave me a patronising ' hmmm'

This isnt ok, is it.
I dont have any fight left in me now, but this isn't ok. Why do schools expect children to be like robots.

OP posts:
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petiteoeuf · 07/07/2025 20:34

Oh my gosh I have goosebumps. You and your daughter are totally incredible. The determination, resilience, courage… I am just in awe at what you’ve achieved for your daughter and how strong she has been. You should never, ever have had to do what you have, but you should be so proud to have done it. X

Cycleaway · 07/07/2025 16:17

Wow. You’re amazing! I’m so pleased for you that some semblance of sense prevailed at last. You were both so let down, but if any positive can be drawn from such a horrible situation, your daughter definitely knows you’ll fight for her and what’s right. I wish you both well x

purplepandas · 07/07/2025 14:41

You rock @123dontcomeatme , this should never have had to happen but you did the right thing. I hope it changes things going forwards. Big hugs to you and wishing your DD well.

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 07/07/2025 13:56

Yes.
I feel quite emotional.

Dd is at work at the moment. I want to tell her in person.

I hope it's enough.

She shouldn't have been treated how she was, it was wrong. I can't change that, but I've been fighting since Feb and they have now agreed and there are plans and monitoring on those changes so hopefully this won't happen to anyone else. I hope it's enough for her to be able to let it go and move forward. I hope I've done enough.

OP posts:
Enko · 07/07/2025 13:41

123dontcomeatme · 07/07/2025 11:14

Just had the response. Fully upheld on both counts and wish dd and I all the best for the future.

Success. Fucking Success.

Well done to you and dd for notballowing them to sweep it away. You shouldn't have needed to but you were forced ajd you did what was needed.

Hope dd can find some calm at times now.

ChoccieCornflake · 07/07/2025 11:52

You absolute stars! You should never had had to go through this, either of you, but you have done an amazing job that should help other people in the future. Awesome women the pair of you!

ChaToilLeam · 07/07/2025 11:32

123dontcomeatme · 07/07/2025 11:14

Just had the response. Fully upheld on both counts and wish dd and I all the best for the future.

Success. Fucking Success.

You and your daughter are absolute heroines! Congratulations on your victory. Of course it is a battle you should never have had to fight but it is wonderful you have been fully vindicated. I hope those responsible at the school are thoroughly carpeted for their absolute ineptitude and failure.

Londonmummy66 · 07/07/2025 11:31

So pleased that you were vindicated but so sorry and angry that you had to go through with this

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 07/07/2025 11:24

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 07/07/2025 11:13

This is horrific. Your poor daughter. And I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. Is there anyone else who could liaise with the school on this/lodge a complaint. Your DD’s Dad? A grandparent, aunty or uncle? Or do you have a close friend who could act as your representative for a short period? I’m sure you are giving your all to support your daughter with her emotions and physical wellbeing. You shouldn’t have to do everything.

Sorry, only just realised how out of date this is. Well done OP, you are amazing. Hope you and your DD can find some moments of happiness over the summer.

Mumofoneandone · 07/07/2025 11:18

123dontcomeatme · 07/07/2025 11:14

Just had the response. Fully upheld on both counts and wish dd and I all the best for the future.

Success. Fucking Success.

Well done you, I hope you are able to celebrate later.
Whilst it is exhausting having to fight so hard, it is such a relief to have been found to have been right. It makes the fight worth while and helps you in moving forward....

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 07/07/2025 11:14

Just had the response. Fully upheld on both counts and wish dd and I all the best for the future.

Success. Fucking Success.

OP posts:
FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 07/07/2025 11:13

This is horrific. Your poor daughter. And I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. Is there anyone else who could liaise with the school on this/lodge a complaint. Your DD’s Dad? A grandparent, aunty or uncle? Or do you have a close friend who could act as your representative for a short period? I’m sure you are giving your all to support your daughter with her emotions and physical wellbeing. You shouldn’t have to do everything.

unbelieveable22 · 07/07/2025 11:03

Well done @123dontcomeatme . You shouldn't have to do it but what a fantastic role model you are for your daughter. Other parents will benefit as the school will hopefully follow procedure next time. An inspiration for other parents/guardians reading this too.

Purplebunnie · 07/07/2025 10:58

Although the reaction of the board must be vindicating for you it should never have got to this stage. You and your daughter really have been through enough

I'm out of touch with the school systems but will this catastrophic failure be included in their next Ofstead inspection? I would be wanting reassurance that this was top of the list with reference to the schools failures

Wishing you and your DD well for the future and hoping that you can draw a line soon

LurkyMcLurkinson · 07/07/2025 10:28

Go on mama bear and her fierce little bear cub! You should both be incredibly proud of yourselves.

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 07/07/2025 10:19

Thank you.
The panel was last Tuesday, we will get the final response by next Tuesday. I don't actually except the complaint response to be any different to the Stage 2 response.

However, I absolutely obliterated them in the meeting. My argument and points were so strong there was not much they could say. The board were openly furious and all of the questions were directed to the school. The principal started to say that the whole thing was the fault of the police who had not contacted the school and gave no steer. The board quite rightly pointed out that the police have no bearing on what support the school should have offered and that the school could have contacted the police.

The page of findings were shocking. The board was angry they hadn't been shared with me. In the end they just ended up back peddling when they realised they were very much in the wrong.

I said I was offended I was there, in that room. That not only had they made an awful situation much worse, but that they had forced a family in crisis through the complaints process to address their failures and that was unacceptable.

Dd came along. She didn't speak and no one really addressed her, which was rude. But, she came out of there cheering. They were held to account and it was a very difficult meeting for them. Its going to create a lot of work for them.

I haven't decided if I'm done with this yet, it depends on the final response and it's tone. I'd like to draw a line but if it feels not enough then I'll go forward in some way.

OP posts:
ThreeLocusts · 07/07/2025 07:43

OP thanks for not giving up, on behalf of the parents and daughters who will face similar sityations in the future. I hope someone, anyone at your dd's school has stepped up and responded appropriately in the meantime.

ChoccieCornflake · 30/06/2025 20:55

I've just read this whole thread. My God, what utter utter bastards. I am so sorry you and your DD are going though this. You are both incredibly strong and brave.

purplepandas · 30/06/2025 20:29

Wishing you the very best for tomorrow @123dontcomeatme . Sending love.

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 30/06/2025 19:29

Tomorrow won't change anything though.

It's just extra work/ stress for me.

They must be worried? I don't understand why they didn't share the findings, maybe it was another error.

None of them can do anything to make it right now. But I can't back out at this point, i need to do it for dd and for any other girls who might be in the same situation.

Im just so angry.

OP posts:
unbelieveable22 · 30/06/2025 19:21

Their incompetence is breathtaking but the report is a clear indication of just how bad they are.
Concentrate on tomorrow for now. Wishing you luck. Both you and your daughter's courage and determination are inspiring.,

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 30/06/2025 18:59

Ok.
Hearing is tomorrow so I've opened the pack they sent me.
This includes the full investigation report, which i have not been sent before.

Turns out there are a myriad of errors, from staff not having anything other than basic safeguarding training. Staff not even recording events/ conversations with us. A lack of experience / guidance/ pathway of escalation in the safeguarding team. Bad judgement, lack of action.. I could go on.

I don't understand why I wasn't sent this before. I am furious, because I was right. Because their failures have made an horrendous situation worse. That is have had time fight with them since February, at a time when I had no fight.

Im still doing the Hearing.
I'll report to the lado and ofstead after.

Im considering the local press, with a promise to be kept anonymous.

How dare they.

OP posts:
Corgiears · 20/06/2025 19:25

I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I was following your thread previously. The school’s response is inhumane. It’s scary that so many of them responded that way too, rather than just one bad egg. And regardless of their processes or the information the teachers were in receipt of or anything else, just common decency should have guided their responses. You and your daughter both sound like survivors, but I’m sorry you had to be.

Londonmummy66 · 20/06/2025 18:41

Just to flag that special consideration is not very much - DD got it when she spent one of her A level papers lying on the floor in agony (spinal fracture) and it didn't even bump her marks up to the next grade boundary (her other papers were Bs and this one was an E). SO I really would ask someone to speak to the apprenticeship now in case her grades have dropped a bit as it is usually easier to ask them to consider dropped grades before rather than after results day.

Comtesse · 20/06/2025 11:30

Shame on that school. Your daughter is lucky to have you on your side.

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