Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

@Jimisnotmyname I actually can't believe the responses that you're getting here. Of course you should go off sick. Get yourself signed off with stress, take the full six months if you need it, don't worry about your colleague's holiday or anything about work; you've got managers to do that for you.

This is exactly the kind of thing that six months of full pay is for. Parental leave is a different thing and isn't designed for the situation that you currently find yourself in. Of course you shouldn't take unpaid leave or resign; you've got bills to pay and that's not changed just because you have an ill child. As someone with long term health issues I've wrestled with a lot of guilt about being off work at various points and the impact on my colleagues, but I can't help my various conditions and you can't help your child being seriously unwell.

Be kind to yourself, take a deep breath and go and get yourself signed off for at least six weeks. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but please don't give work a second thought from now on.

Get signed off. It feels huge right now (the idea of signing off and not being in work for a chunk of time), but you'll look back and realise it really wasn't a big deal to be off work for this time period. What could become a big deal is you burning out and physically and mentally suffering due to having to do too much. What matters is being there with your child and looking after yourself as best you can.

As an employer - go and get signed off!

You will not perform to your best ability and, whether or not your DH supports you, your mind will not be on the work!

I had this with a colleague last year and again, at the moment. Their DC is grown up but they can't concentrate because they are worrying about them, it's natural for a parent. They won't go home because they'll have more time to think about their DC and so it's a vicious circle!

Exactly this, the employer should have a contingency plan in place.

I wouldn’t resent you. You’re going through an awful period x

Holiday insurance doesn't cover you for this.

You are replaceable at work, but you aren’t replaceable at home. Your child is really unwell and needs you. You can’t do your job properly if you are needed elsewhere. Nobody would choose this situation and a stress reaction is a valid reason for a sick note. Get the fit note and forget about work. I wish you both well xx

If you were my colleague I absolutely would understand and not resent you. Even if my holiday were cancelled, this is what travel insurance is for and for the company to worry about. A sick child and looking after yourself trumps a holiday, no matter how needed and I hope most people would be understanding.

I’ve always been a bit dubious about policies for job shares that require cross-cover. If you employed one person in the role you’d expect them to have annual leave and be absent. I’ve heard it on here a few times but that has never been my experience of colleagues working job shares who have always had annual leave and set days of working as per their contact.

OP- you are under doing a period of massive stress. Even if you got yourself signed off for a few weeks before Easter it would give you a bit of breathing space. In your position, I’d try and do all I could to avoid shafting the job share partner if your employer do indeed take that stance that they’d cancel her leave. I’d be surprised if they actually did unless they were total idiots but if you’re convinced they would I’d either take leave for the period before or take leave once she’s left the country and tell her to turn her phone off.

I don't think I'd want to be signed off for six months but I would try and open up the conversation with my employer around flexibility, reduced hours etc I also think you'd find it very hard to return after six months, in my experience people don't tend to come back - either through their own choice, or they find themselves replaced/managed out of the business,

Agree. Do not resign.

OP, very few people who respond to this thread will have a critically ill child, particularly not one who requires long hospital stays. They will view it in direct response to your question about how a colleague may view those who go off on long-term sick leave. My response, as a parent who has had a child who was critically ill and has life limiting conditions caused by treatment, my response is: your employer is not your family. They will not think twice about replacing you in a heartbeat if the business decides it doesn't need you. Do what is right for you and your child. The business offers paid sick leave, you are sick, so get signed off and take it. Do not try and work from the hospital. You can't be a carer and a committed employee at the same time and you will run youself into the ground by trying; then you'll be incapable of doing either. Everything in life is about balance and shifting priorities as situations arise. Right now, your health and that of your child needs to be your priority. Will your colleagues understand? Some of them may; most won't have the faintest idea what you or your child are going through. They are not your concern though.

Do NOT resign. That is NOT the decent thing to do. Stay employed as long as humaly possible. Take sick leave and if it causes an issue, cross that bridge when you come to it. Your colleague's holiday is not your issue to resolve, that is the job of the team's line manager. They could always employ temporary cover if your absence has a major impact on the team.

But rn she sounds legitimately ill, so sick leave is valid. And in however long the company might be open to an agreement as she's been a valued employee.

Take the leave. The holiday isn't your responsibility and it is likely they would do the same if they had a seriously ill child.

My son was in hospital for 10 months. I had to leave my job in the end because no one expected he'd be in hospital for almost a year.

Hope your child gets well soon. It's so difficult having a child in hospital.

This might seem a bit simple ... You can always get a new job. You can't get a new child. Your health and your child's health should come before work. Always.

I agree. I'm not trying to be brutal, I agree you need time off. I think you should ignore your colleague and focus on you. They're irrelevant. But your company might be solution-focused, they might not. They might well put the business' needs first. It's really hard to say. I think, for now, you can legitimately claim you are sick (you sound exhausted), get properly signed off, focus on recovering and looking after yourself. See how you feel in a month. Then re-evaluate.

It’s actually in the first post. OP states she is not coping and is at breaking point. That’s why she is sick.

From an HR point of view no I absolutely don’t recommend this. OP is either too sick to work or she isn’t. Doing this undermines her position and opens her up to risk.

Her colleague’s holiday is not her problem to sort. She shouldn’t even be thinking of it, just focusing on reducing her stress.

Your colleague's holiday is not your responsibility.

This

Neither you nor I know the full circumstances do we?

We don't know what they might be able to organise.

The other option is for her to take time out and be replaced by someone, like they do for any employee who is off sick (for themselves) or similar to a maternity leave situation.

It’s assuming that
1- the company is actually willing to be flexible
2- the OP is able to still work. Which understandably, she says she isn’t. I mean, do you really think you’d be able to work from a hospital room, sitting in fro t of your child is badly ill? Would you be able to concentrate when already the OP is ill with worry, loosing weight and simply hanging by a thread?

If ot was a case of just reorganising timetable, giving more flexible hours, place of work. Yep I fully agree with you.
But that’s not the OP’s case.

I don't agree with anyone taking sick leave when what they need is their employer to try to come up with something that works better for everyone.

How would you manage 'sick' leave? You aren't ill- so how would a dr sign you off for 6 months?

I've not read the full thread so maybe this has been answered.

Ideally, your employer (assume this is public sector?) should try to accommodate a change in family circumstances and work with you so everyone does the best they can.

You need an honest and open conversation with work to try to thrash this out.

If they value you, they should try to find a solution.

Many years ago when I had surgery and needed help at home with 2 very young children, my DH was allowed to work from home as much as necessary.

It was an open conversation and an agreement was reached.

Maybe talk to them?

Take the time now, focus on your child and yourself. It's is so emotionally and physically draining to be living in hospital with your child, people who haven't been through it can't appreciate how hard it is. It's just just the worry about your child, it's finding the time to have a shower, eat, sleep, remember all of the information that everyone is batting around because you will be asked a million questions and be expected to be an expert on your child and their treatment.

Don't even consider working from the ward. There is only so much of you and it doesn't stretch to work right now. Anybody who has an issue can have an issue, don't engage because that isn't yours to deal with.

Your colleagues might resent you if you are not there. Your child might resent you if you are not there too.

It's an easy choice: prioritise your child. All they have is you.

Your colleagues will cope. Pay no heed to their feelings. They are not a priority for you and right now, their feelings are unfortunate but irrelevant.

It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that.

Anything could happen to you, you could have some sort of accident and be unable to work, the fact that your department is run without a sufficient back up plan is not your responsibility and nothing you should feel guilty about, at the end of the day, family should always come before your job.

If you can work from the hospital remotely, then why not just have a couple of weeks off sick to get your head straight and put in a process where you can feasible work remotely, maybe with some adjustments made to your role temporarily? I'm not minimising what support you are offering your child, but surely you must be sitting around a lot of the day just being present at the hospital with not much to do? It's the stress of trying to keep up with everything that is causing you to fall apart?

Could you talk to your employer and try and work something out, if they refuse to budge an inch then I would have no problem with just going off sick instead.

Good luck OP it sounds like a horrible situation.