Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

My child was in hospital with an initially life threatening illness, then spent time recovering as an inpatient. I went off sick, I took another month when my child was home recovering.

I was extremely upset and stressed- I lost a lot of weight and felt incredibly anxious about their health for a long time.

I did not feel anxious about taking the time off. In fact I didn’t give in another thought. Your child needs you at that bedside, focusing on them not your laptop.

I could not give a shiny shite about managerial issues that did not concern me. My child came first- the end. When I returned to work I received nothing but empathy and compassion for what we had all endured- I wouldn’t have expected anything else!

Go off sick, do not feel guilty. Concentrate on your child,

I hope everything settles for you all soon.

I’d be mortified as an employer if someone forced themselves into work, to sit at a desk when their child was seriously unwell in hospital. There’s no way you could concentrate on your job, it absolutely comes second. You are not in a fit state to work.

Your colleague should understand it’s not your doing and your employer should have a contingency in place or come up with a reasonable plan to adapt the workload temporarily whilst they have their holiday as planned

I am sure you GP would sign you off sick with stress. You must be suffering mentally. It is awful to have a sick child, l know you would swap.places in a heartbeat. Please go and speak to your GP, providing ofcourse you can get an appointment.

I have been your colleague.

I felt awful for my colleague and what she was going through.

I had absolutely no resentment for her taking the time off.

I was furious at my employer for failing to have a contingency for long term sick.

I still took my holiday - I sought legal advice and actually work can ask you to change your plans but if they can't guarantee when you'll be able to take your leave they cannot penalize you.

I know it’s not exactly the same, but my daughter was in hospital for over two months as she was born early. It’s so bloody hard balancing things. I was lucky my partner was able to take off the time paid as his employer was super understanding. But life is hard when a child is unwell. Be kind to yourself.

The first thing I would do is talk to PALs (in hosptial) to find out what duties you are expected to do. If you aren’t there, the nurses should be looking after your child.

Then, I would go to the doctors and go on the sick for a month. After that, ask for phased return. You can still work while on the sick, you just won’t be expected too. This may get around your issue of your colleague being away. Alternatively, your DH might have to take some time off.

Also in regards to the colleague, they can demand at least one of you on duty at any time, but what if you both got a bug? If I was told to cancel a holiday, I wouldn’t. But that’s your colleagues decision to make.

OP, I sense you made this thread because you wanted to be told it’s okay to take sick leave. In AIBU you will never get the response you hope for. If you are too sick to work then you’re too sick to work. Get the note from the GP and give work a realistic time frame for when you think you’ll be back if you can e.g. it is likely to be 8+ weeks. There’s no need to add to your stress arguing with posters on here

Take the sick leave. Do not resign!

OP, you are sick. You are under a huge amount of stress and you feel you aren’t coping. So you need to go to the GP and get signed off. They will sign you off for whatever period of time they feel is appropriate and then you’ll need to go back and reassess when that initial period of sick leave is drawing to a close.

What people at work think about you is utterly irrelevant and not something for you to be concerned about at this point in time. You are entitled to paid sick leave and regardless of how inconvenient it may be for the company, that entitlement is there for employees to use when they need it. It’s the company’s responsibility to have contingencies in place for when staff need unexpected time off. How your absence affects others in your workplace is not your problem and I wouldn’t let it take up any headspace whatsoever.

Get signed off and focus on you and your child. Don’t waste any precious energy thinking about what people at work might or might not be thinking about you.

I’m so sorry your child is so unwell and that you are going through this incredibly challenging time. Please go and see your GP on Monday.

This with bells on!

take the sick leave.
you are understandably not coping.
speaking from experience of a colleague who tried to work through a stressful situation - we had to spend a lot of time
picking up on mistakes and double checking her work!

Her normal pay because she will continue struggling with work because she is so afraid of what others might think and plenty of comments on here have proved her right.

YANBU - I’m so sorry for what you’re going through OP! Yes get signed off and forget about work when you are! Your focus is on your own child and you’re replaceable at work - if you left they’d forget you quickly so don’t feel guilty - it’s up to management to sort!

My brother was very unwell and as it wasn’t treated and he was in agony it affected his mental health and we ended up in A&E for days too scared to leave him there alone. Your colleague is not your concern, family is what you’ll always remember or regret.

Goof luck and I hope it’s treatable and happens soon!

OP please ignore the really unhelpful posters . There is clearly a lack of compassion on this thread. Your child
is seriously poorly., nothing else matters right now. Please speak to your GP

Parental leave isn't going to be less stressful because it is unpaid and having a child in hospital is incredibly expensive.

If I were your colleague I would expect our employer to step up and sort cover to maintain the standard s at work. They have a duty of care to us all and should be able to overcome the little obstacles with professionalism and grace.

Plenty of people also think you should go on sick leave. Some who actually know how it feels like to be in your position.

Take the sick leave. Your mental health matters and so does being there for your child.