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Original poster

Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

482 replies

Jimisnotmyname · 14/03/2025 07:03

DC is seriously ill and inpatient in hospital. Expected to be in for several months. I have been asked by the hospital to be on side to help with various aspects of their care. In theory, I could take my notebook in and work from the ward (and do some catch up at night from home) but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything. Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay. I have been with my employer for over a decade and only was once off sick for a month (after major surgery). It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that. But I don't know what else to do. I know the decent thing would be to resign but I need the sick pay to cover bills. Please be honest.

yabu - suck it up and carry on working or resign.
yanbu - get signed off

OP posts:
Overthebow · 14/03/2025 07:23

Take the time off. If I were your colleague I would be very unhappy at having leave cancelled but that is a management issue not a you issue. Your management need to make sure your colleagues can take their annual leave when you are off.

Dearg · 14/03/2025 07:23

Any company I have worked for would compensate a colleague who was asked to cancel a pre-approved holiday., that is totally on them.

Likewise, the company is responsible to get cover for sickness.

Op, I am sorry your child is so ill. Of course you are stressed, and you need to be with them. Ask your GP to sign you off.💐

ASNQuery · 14/03/2025 07:22

Take the leave!

verycloakanddaggers · 14/03/2025 07:22

Jimisnotmyname · 14/03/2025 07:15

I am not sleeping, not eating. I lost half a stone, I am on edge. I wouldn't say I am fine. People go off with stress for far less but thank you. I worry about what people think and this is probably the perception at work. It's not what I wanted to hear but helpful.

Show quote history

Don't listen to that nonsense. Your GP will see that you are not fit for work of you are not sleeping or eating etc.

ErinAoife · 14/03/2025 07:21

When my colleague went off sick for a year due to cancer she was not replaced during her leave and I did not havexto cancel any holiday, it just means work was not done for the 2 weeks holidays and a,lot of catch up and late days go do upon return bit there is no way I am blaming my colleague for that.

festivemouse · 14/03/2025 07:20

Honestly I think I would resent a colleague if I had to cancel a holiday (and lose my money!) but the resentment should probably be directed to the company - why would the company not be able to sort this out so that your colleague can go on leave?

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing well (understandably!) and time off does seem to be the solution. Whether it’s sick leave / parental leave would be up to your work / doctor! Could you self certify for a week to see how you cope for that week and go from there?

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 14/03/2025 07:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

No33 · 14/03/2025 07:19

Op of you were my colleague, even with the AL booked I'd be telling you to take sick leave.

Your colleagues will understand.

Wrongsideofpennines · 14/03/2025 07:19

Get signed off. It sounds like you're not managing and your child needs you.

If I was your colleague and I had to cancel my holiday I would be mad, but not at you - at a manager. They can't insist people cancel holidays like that and they need better contingency plans. If you're off long term then they can't just not let people take any holiday until you're back.

HundredPercentUnsure · 14/03/2025 07:19

Whaleandsnail6 · 14/03/2025 07:15

No, I wouldn't resent you. I'd do exactly the same in your situation. Not sure what else you could do really.

If I was colleague, I would resent my shitty employer that didnt have a contingency plan in place to cover annual leave that I had booked. There is always a chance of staff going off sick/leaving the job and the employer has a responsibility to ensure they can manage this.

If I was colleague, I would resent my shitty employer that didnt have a contingency plan in place to cover annual leave that I had booked.

Agree.

HGC2 · 14/03/2025 07:18

You are going through a very stressful period and would be unable to focus at work therefore you are sick, I say this as someone who did work from their child's hospital bed which didn't work out well for anyone.

Take it fit note by fit note and see how things go

HundredPercentUnsure · 14/03/2025 07:16

Jimisnotmyname · 14/03/2025 07:15

I am not sleeping, not eating. I lost half a stone, I am on edge. I wouldn't say I am fine. People go off with stress for far less but thank you. I worry about what people think and this is probably the perception at work. It's not what I wanted to hear but helpful.

Show quote history

It isn't helpful OP, don't be misled. Look after yourself and put yourself and your family first. You can't pour from an empty cup.

HundredPercentUnsure · 14/03/2025 07:15

SometimesCalmPerson · 14/03/2025 07:13

You’re not sick, this is what parental leave should cover.

but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything.

Yes it sounds like OP actually is. You can take time off for mental health just the same as you would physical sickness.

Original poster
Jimisnotmyname · 14/03/2025 07:15

SometimesCalmPerson · 14/03/2025 07:13

You’re not sick, this is what parental leave should cover.

I am not sleeping, not eating. I lost half a stone, I am on edge. I wouldn't say I am fine. People go off with stress for far less but thank you. I worry about what people think and this is probably the perception at work. It's not what I wanted to hear but helpful.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 14/03/2025 07:15

No, I wouldn't resent you. I'd do exactly the same in your situation. Not sure what else you could do really.

If I was colleague, I would resent my shitty employer that didnt have a contingency plan in place to cover annual leave that I had booked. There is always a chance of staff going off sick/leaving the job and the employer has a responsibility to ensure they can manage this.

JessieLongleg · 14/03/2025 07:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

@Dealormeal NHS hospital have often have staff storages. This is very standard now even ten years ago I was at the hospital 3 hs a day having to give personal care to my grandmother. Noone would even check if she had eaten. My last hospital visit for birth which was mixed with a non pregnancy problem. Nurses refused to help me with any personal care beyond pain killers so I could move.

HundredPercentUnsure · 14/03/2025 07:14

BleachedJumper · 14/03/2025 07:10

When is your colleagues annual leave?

Why is that relevant?

Original poster
Jimisnotmyname · 14/03/2025 07:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Parental leave us 4 weeks and unpaid. I cannot afford that. Yes, work is aware of the whole situation.

OP posts:
SometimesCalmPerson · 14/03/2025 07:13

You’re not sick, this is what parental leave should cover.

verycloakanddaggers · 14/03/2025 07:12

If I was your colleague I'd understand.

I really hope your son responds well to treatment.

Amba1998 · 14/03/2025 07:10

The practicalities of what the hospital want in terms you helping out with care is neither here nor there. Even if they had 7 nurses solely caring for your child and you did nothing but sit there I’d be getting signed off. Your child is sick. Be there for them. Be kind to yourself. Don’t burn yourself out trying to juggle right now

BleachedJumper · 14/03/2025 07:10

When is your colleagues annual leave?

NiceProblems · 14/03/2025 07:09

When my son was diagnosed with a life long condition I had to take time off to learn how to deal with it. My doctor signed me off with stress for a month, and my employer was fully supportive of that. It WAS a very stressful situation. Stress doesn’t just apply to work related stress.

Get signed off and be there for your son.

HundredPercentUnsure · 14/03/2025 07:09

Loopytiles · 14/03/2025 07:06

Very sorry your daughter is unwell. Yes, take the time off sick. Covering the work is for managers to organise.

Absolutely agree. Ensuring a colleague's holiday is covered (and your workload too) is not your responsibility, it's managements. Definitely take SL.

Pixilicious1 · 14/03/2025 07:08

Prioritise your DC 100% and get signed off. Your colleague’s holiday is not your issue to figure out or worry about.

@Dealormeal she needs to be paid and not everyone gets paid parental leave, it’s unpaid where I work.