Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

What a difficult situation. Huge sympathy.

I am wondering about the need for you to be at the hospital. Is it because they are short-staffed? Does your DC need you for comfort/company, or is it for physical care that could be done by hospital staff if enough were available? Do you feel emotionally that you need to be there? I think a lot could depend on the age and understanding of the DC.

You are not ok and have to address this. Ask GP to sign you off for mental health and then go from there.You are not coping, don’t wait until you will be at the inpatient stage. It doesn’t matter what your colleague will think, it’s up to your work to have contingency plan for the situations like yours.

It really doesn’t, parents are still expected to do the majority of the care, aside from medical needs, when their children are in hospital.

If you were my employee I’d be ordering you to take the time off - at least as compassionate or self certified sick until you could get a doctor’s note.

I’m a bit of an eye roller at stress leave etc, but if you were my colleague I’d have absolutely zero issue with you being off and would rally round to fill any gaps you left.

Why are so many people saying this? If it didn’t affect the colleague at all I’m sure she wouldn’t be annoyed. I’m also sure sure wouldn’t be that annoyed if she just had to cover some extra work for a few months.

However if she has possibly booked an expensive holiday costing thousands that she’s now going to lose then I can fully understand why she’s annoyed.

It’s not about what’s “right” when it comes to how you feel. You can know deep down that it’s not the colleagues fault her child is ill etc. But it doesn’t stop you feeling anger.

I haven’t been abroad in 4 years. We’re saving to go in another 3 years for the holiday of a lifetime. If we had to cancel a 15k holiday and lose the money that we saved for 7 years you can bet I’d be raging. To be honest, I’d just quit the job rather than lose my holiday. But not everyone can do that obviously.

No I wouldn't resent you. If I were the colleague with holiday I'd resent the company if they can't sort things out.

Don't feel guilty, OP. Life happens to everyone. And take care of yourself and hope your DC gets better.

Who gives a flying fuck about whether your colleagues are pissed off or not? If they are, it's more of a reflection on them (if they are pissed off at you, rather than the company for not providing cover to enable holidays). And in any event, that should be the least of your worries.

I was in hospital for a year as a child. My
Mum moved in to the hospital in a flat that was provided to families of long term sick children. She was signed off work most of that time with stress. It was stressful! People are signed off for a lot, lot less.

OP very sorry to hear your situation and understand that you are trying to spread yourself far too thinly to please everyone, maybe consider stopping that?
You say that your employer is aware of the situation. Can you have a free and frank discussion with them as to how to resolve the various issues and ask what they would suggest?
Make a list of your non-negotiables, but also areas, where you would be prepared or able to compromise.

Sorry where did she say her DC was poorly?

I read seriously ill?

Why have you decided to downgrade it to “poorly”?

Do you know the actual difference?

Do you have comprehension issues or just lack of empathy? Or both perhaps?

I would take it of course. The only thing I will say is to be aware you may have no sick pay for yourself if you get sick (if you take it all) .i suppose that depends on your workplaces own policies

i think there’s been a huge amount of sympathy on this thread for OP but people have acknowledged that the other employee would be annoyed with their joint employer especially if they’ve paid significant money for a holiday they’re now being denied but people have been clear that annoyance would be directed at the employer. I think that’s logical.

Your child is in hospital and you are clearly stressed.

Your colleagues holiday or staffing issues are your manager and employer's concern, not yours. It's up to them to address and plan for that.

I say this as a manager. You need time off, take it.

She is personally sick, you mean she’s not physically sick, it’s mental health illness, which clearly you don’t recognise.

Its 2025 and still people have this appalling attitude.

I hope you’re not a manager or business owner.

You are in a horrible situation. Don't worry about others. Look after you and your own. This sort of thing is what managers are getting their pay for.

Except she is actually sick!

She said she could work by her very ill child’s bedside, purely because of the pressure that she’s under. She’s trying to please everyone, which will not end well.

So, as her GP, would you agree that’s a good course of action to try to continue to work in such extenuating circumstances? She’s already showing mental health illness, so let’s push her further and force her to a full breakdown?

Would you advise someone with a broken leg, that could hop about, but would possibly further the damage to their leg to continue hopping, or would you advise rest with leg elevation?

let’s be really honest here, you don’t accept mental health issues as being sick?

I'm absolutely appalled at the lack of empathy by some people of this thread. I am very glad I don't work in an environment where if my child was so unwell they needed to be hospitalised long term, I would be resented for it!!! Jesus Christ. I'd be so concerned for my colleague, and would do what I could to support them.

OP, your GP would absolutely sign you off for this. Take a month off to begin with, see how things go. I wouldn't even be thinking about work at a time like this. Maybe as time passes, things will get easier and you may be able to work a little bit but not right now. I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time, thinking positive thoughts for you

I manage a team and I would not expect a colleague to be in work. Tying to work while constantly worrying about their child is not going to work for either party.

Without knowing how seriously ill your child is, or how long they are expected to be in hospital, or their age, I would tell my colleague to take at least a month to get their head straight. After that if the child is young, no way should they not have a parent with them at all times, if they are seriously ill, the same. In either of these situations I would not expect you back until your child recovers. If they are older and not seriously ill, I would say reassess the situation in a month.

Would never feel resentful of you and would mention you and your dc in your prayers, hoping for their recovery and your return to work.

I don't know that sick leave would be appropriate but I would never resent a colleague taking time off for a sick child. If I was aware and able to, I'd also be willing to pick up any slack if they were at work.

I hope it gets easier for you. X

You'd be quite right to take the leave that you're contractually/legally allowed. Any consequences of that aren't your responsibility.

If someone being off sick results in someone else having their holiday cancelled, that's a result of choices (regarding level of staffing, allocation of work, sick pay policies etc) that your employer has made, and it's for them to deal with. Give it no further thought.

Im sorry to hear about your child. It must be a very difficult time for you.
Couple of things to note…
As others have said, your colleague’s holiday is not for you to manage. That is down to your managers. And if I was that colleague that had paid for a holiday and had my leave approved, I would not be cancelling it!
You say work are aware of the situation. So have a chat. Tell them you are not coping and are going to be signed off for a month. If they raise your colleague stand firm. You have a sick child and can’t deal with other peoples issues. If you felt generous you could offer to do a few hours a day on your laptop while your colleague is away but only if you feel up to it.
You need to prioritise your own health over anybody else at the moment.
Good luck!

Not unreasonable at all, I don’t expect any of your colleagues will be surprised you will be off as anyone would be, please take the time off, explain to your GP the reason and there will be no problem, will go down as stress likely but I’m sure your employer will understand, take care OP x

I'm so sorry to hear about your child. If I were the colleague, my anger wouldn't be directed at you as it's not your fault and anybody would do the same in your position. However; I would be FURIOUS at the company as it's their responsibility to ensure there is adequate cover in situations such as this. This will also affect the employee's partner's annual leave and family if they have them.

I would 100% look for another job ASAP if someone cancelled my upcoming holiday particularly if it was short notice and would certainly be doing the bare minimum on my return. Will your employer recompense the money? A plan needs to be put in place to cover unforseen eventualities such as this.

If I were the colleague I’d still go on holiday and I wouldn’t hold it against you at all.

if I were you and you CAN take sick leave and your employer WON’T fire you (mine would for gross misconduct in these circs) you should. I would just proceed very cautiously and be very careful about what you tell them even IF they agree there is nothing say in 2 months the head of X finds out your situation and kicks up a stink with HR and all of sudden it IS a problem and you are facing disciplinary

Hope your child gets better

Even so, this is not your concern. Your colleague needs to badger the employer, with hr and the union into coming up with a solution whereby they are not impacted to the point where they cancel a paid for holiday. I presume they have notice between now and the leave to come up with something.

If you both suddenly and unexpectedly got sick at the same time, one of you was out of the country and the other in a car accident... whatever, the company would have to cope. Even if that means loosing money, they would have to come up woth a solution.

I say this as someone who works in a stressful environment where work has to be done (nursing...we cannot just leave tasks) and often has to work short staffed. I would still advocate for a colleague in your situation.

Don't let guilt over your colleague stop you doing what is best for you and your family