Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

OP sorry to be morbid but if you were hit by a bus this morning and died they would replace you without blinking. Your job advert would be live in no time and no one would give a shit that you worked evenings while your child was ill in hospital for weeks/months at a time.

It is your manager's responsibility to ensure there is cover if you're off sick and your colleague is on holiday. Do not let them try to shove that responsibility on to you. It isn't a problem for you to solve.

Get signed off sick with stress or whatever and look after yourself and your family first. This is what matters.

Seperate to the work issue, is there anyone else who can support DC in hospital to give you a bit of a break? Their Dad, grandparents etc? Being in hospital all day every day for months is very tough on you, and you need some time to look after your own needs 'you can't pour from an empty glass' kind of thing.

It sound's like your child has pre existing complex needs as already on DLA? The reality is you probably know more about their day to day care needs than the nurses, that is why they are keen to have you there, but you also need a break.

Definitely take a bit of time off, otherwise you might burn out. If I was your colleague yes I would be annoyed, but with the situation, not with you personally. Sometimes things can't be helped.

My child has recently been diagnosed with a complex medical condition, not in hospital, but loads of hospital appointments so have been off quite a bit, and my colleagues have been super helpful covering my work between them, there is no resentment (that I'm aware of) just concern. I got them all little gifts to say thanks, maybe you could get a token gift for your colleague to thank her for helping cover your work, gestures like this go a long way.

Have you read the OP?

She’s stated how she’s not well.

I think in this situation it is fine and perfectly acceptable to take sick leave to be there for your child.
Yes, I would be hugely annoyed if I were the colleague missing out on approved holiday (unless I had nothing planned and was happy to swap things around), but that isn’t your problem, I’d be annoyed at my employer, not you. Is there any way you I’d be able to go back just for the week of your colleagues AL?

A GP can prescribe medication, or may think it’s more appropriate to remove additional stress on OP, by signing her off work.

I haven't read the whole thread but I have a bit of life experience to offer, as I'm old. Throughout my life I've been in situations where I've prioritised work over DC. Now I can barely remember the colleagues or work situations involved where I felt I couldn't let people down. I do however wish I'd been there for my child. If you're not coping you aren't fit for work. Take the time off sick it's up to the company to sort out cover.

A seriously ill child = a crappy situation.

Empathy fail!

A crappy situation is your car failing its MOT and you can’t afford to fix it.

Why are all the people that are against OP taking sick leave, when she’s sick from MH issues using such demeaning terms?

seriously ill child - crappy situation

Another poster (not sure if it was you), described the child as poorly, like they had a cold!

Your child and your health comes before a colleagues annual leave.
That is your employers problem to solve.
If your stressed and not able to cope how would you deal with work.
No you need to put yourself and your child first take the sick leave
Hope your child gets better soon

Have you ever had a DC seriously ill in hospital?

@Jimisnotmyname it is understandable that you are stressed and considering taking sick leave for that. It is fine if for some of that off-sick time you are visiting sick dc in hospital.

What is NOT fine is hospital treating you like staff - that’s unfair. It is for them to provide the necessary care/specialist staff!

No wonder you are stressed. Them putting you in that position could make you feel worse/guilty/stretched.

Your work could allow you to work as flexibly as you need so you can go in multiple times and also perhaps let you work in the evenings and perhaps have catch-ups with other colleague but the hospital is out of line to have ‘expectations’ of you covering their lack of staff. While of course you want to support your child.

I think try to maintain boundaries between ‘visiting sick child often/child feeling reassured’ and ‘becoming a substitute extra unpaid hospital staff member’ which is how the last update makes it seem. Particularly if you do take some sick time due to stress - which you need as downtime, not another job.

Wondering if pressure can be applied to sort the more suitable alternative hospital somehow.

So? I've been signed off work without "undergoing any treatment".

You do know how long waiting lists are for mental health services right? Plus, what treatment is there? Being extremely stressed and worried about a sick child is a perfectly normal reaction.

You are not well enough to work, and that stress and anxiety is clouding your decision. You aren’t responsible for arranging cover (I understand it’s technical but could the manager not even cover it themselves?) if not, it’s now 3-4 weeks to Easter so they have time to train a temp in the essentials if needs be.

even if you got a nurse in (and to be honest sounds like your kid needs you, not a random), you need some time to rest and recover yourself.

It means she can’t work, because currently she’s not well

What do you mean "not well"? Her response is completely normal. As a society we are fucked if we start to classify normal emotions as health issues.

This is like when my nan died and 3 weeks after the gp was suggesting my grandpa was "depressed".

No - bereaved. Its completely normal to be down and mourn the loss of your wife of 50 years!

I would probably try to hold out until colleagues holiday but that doesn’t seem realistic after your last post. You should definitely ring in sick if you need to. It’s possible that your colleague will still be able to go on holiday, but that isn’t your issue. It’s between your colleague and your employer to sort out. You need to be there for your child and that takes priority.

Lots of sick leave is situational. If a man plays rugby and breaks his arm, it’s situational. He’d be signed off sick if unable to work.

Until she goes to her GP, then a discussion will take place.

If that discussion is, you’re not fit to work, you’re to unwell, then she is being treated.

Ive no doubt the GP will agree this, no medication is needed but it may be discussed and prescribed.

You said you job share. How many hours are you expected to work?

I personally think you need to take a couple of weeks sick to sort things out. It may be in 2-3 weeks you have settled into a routine, your DC mental health may have improved and you are able to work a few flexible hours.

OP - please stop second guessing how people might react or what might happen and focus on what you know.

Your child is very ill in hospital and you need to be with them.

The stress of the situation means you are unfit to go to work.

That is it.

How your colleagues may react or how work might handle the cover is not in your control nor your responsibility.

Of course she’ll get signed off for a month at at a time! She is sick and undergoing treatment and monitoring from her GP!

The issue being that she isn't undergoing any treatment at all.

It means she can’t work, because currently she’s not well.

Even if it’s reactionary, she’s not fit to work.

It’s really that simple.

Just get signed off. Family comes first. I can't see how a holiday is your problem. Cover should have been arranged.

she’s clearly suffering with a reactive mental health issue.

Im very sympathetic to op and there should be financial support in situations like this, but I don't get this. "Reactive mental health issue"? Op is having quite a normal emotional response to a traumatic situation. How is that a mental health condition that is defined as "illness". Its completely situational and its very normal to react to a bad situation. Isn't the whole point of things like severe stress or clinical depression that you are experiencing them without reasonable cause - thus why they are a medical anomaly? Otherwise you would end up medicalising the normal range of emotions. Life is often hard, if we classify it as MH/illness every time we're miserable about a crappy situation no one would ever be in work

If you get your self signed off on compassionate leave and are open with your employer (and thus your colleagues) they can plan around booked holidays, workload etc by getting temp help in.

May resent you if you try to muddle through and drop all the balls - dropping them in it - and then they’d feel dreadful as they know you are having a tough time. Best to just go and speak to your employer - your DC and your own mental and physical health at this point is the priority. Even an employer would appreciate this.

Been there done that! I've tried to work bedside - it's impossible. I've also taken time off which my manager gifted me. I've also taken an unpaid career break, and my own sick leave.

I've also worked with a colleague in a similar situation. She took the time needed and none of us resented it or asked what form of leave (paid or unpaid) she was taking.

You need to prioritise your health and your child's. Take the time off sick, as you will be stressed