Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

You need to see a doctor explaining your issues around your mental health right now, and do the right thing for your family. That is all that matters.

On your death bed, you will never wish you'd spent more time working when your DS was in hospital.

If you had a heart attack etc you would be off.

Your company sounds shit if they can't honour others holiday in such a situation

Would that really happen?

Out of *

Take the 6 months leave and get paid , so you can support your child and yourself properly.

Surely your work colleagues would empathise in what's happening with your child, I know I would.

It's also upto your employer to get cover for these situations.

Don't resign, you didn't ask for this to happen it was purvof anyone control, think of you and your daughter .
I hope all goes ok for you x

Not only would I not resent you, I’d seriously question whether I should be working somewhere where a person in your circumstances felt too worried about going off sick. It would suggest a seriously worrying workplace culture and I’d feel very uncomfortable about it.

And I say this as someone who has had holiday cancelled and had to pick up slack for so many parent colleagues before, with no reciprocal treatment because childless workers don’t matter where I work. I’d be your prime candidate for resentment but I wouldn’t resent you for one moment.

Please get signed off. You can’t be there to support your child if you’re burned out, and you’ll resent your workplace and probably yourself forever if you don’t prioritise yourself and your family right now.

I'm sorry your dc is ill op but honestly, you're throwing your toys out of the pram and making your situation worse.

Seriously, who gives a flying fuck what internet randoms think? There's several posts from 'managers' on here that are so completely incorrect (such as someone banging on about their 'discretionary' decision in this 😂) that they're clearly works of fiction and the person posting has obviously never managed so much as a bloody spoon in their working life.

Your dc is sick. You are burnt out and not well either. So go off sick for a month and look after your baby.

Nothing and no one else matters.

Completely agree with you.

OP, the guilt you feel about your colleagues holiday time is 'false guilt'.
I've had a lot of false guilt in my life and I understand now that if something is totally out of my control and I'm feeling guilty for whatever it is then to let it go.
It's not your fault therefore you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Let your work deal with your colleagues (they're not your responsibility) and you get a sick note for stress and take care of yourself because how can you be 100% for your child if you're not 100% yourself?

You are the most important person in your life. We get one chance at it and you need to be there for your kid.
So what you need to do x

So you're saying to prioritise work over her child whose in hospital,?

Get signed off sick. You seem like a good employee who has been there a long time with a good attendance record. I would say that you are not in the right place mentally to do your job, who would be in these circumstances? Your colleagues holidays should be up to your manager, you don't need anything else to worry about right now, all the best.

You are ill. You need time off. End of. How your employer copes is not your problem and stop making it your problem. Your health and family come first.

Your husband is pulling his weight as your other children cannot be neglected and by going to work and bringing money in.

I spent a lifetime worrying about other people and considering their needs before mine. When I got ill what happened? Nobody cared (except immediate family).

Please tell me you're not in a position of any authority in a business. What an appalling individual you are.

OP I wouldn't resent you at all. I would want you to do the very best for yourself and your sick child. You're having a horrendous time and need all the support you can get. This is extreme stress. Please see your GP. Don't listen to the minority of horrible people on here. Most people are sensible and compassionate and right. I wish you all the best x

I wouldn't be at all upset with you OP - in fact, I'd be encouraging you to take off as much time as you need to be with your sick child. PPs are right - it's up to your company to sort out the logistics of your absence and ensure that your colleague can take her holiday leave. That's what management is all about - managing!

Get signed off for mental health reading but offer to do your best to cover colleagues holiday period?

You are antagonistic and stressing out an Op who is struggling and your experience is not necessarily the same as hers so if you can’t be kind and helpful and empathetic please don’t respond to people in need - especially those with mental health concerns as this can push them over the edge

90% of posters including GPs and hospital managers have said you must go sick - ignore the rest - If you collapse and become seriously unwell then your husband will be unable to manage his work other kids and seeing your sick child - do not be so invested in the negative posters you have overwhelming support to do the right thing for you both emotionally and physically
once you are signed off you can balance how often you visit hospital how often you give time to your other kids and put in a little you time to stay on top of things … the sooner you sign off the sooner your employer can get cover and give a temporary replacement training with your other colleague/ it’s doable - sign off sick tomorrow

I’ve been employed in places where the work culture meant little sympathy for those who were sick/unable to come to work. My current employment entails being the first port of call of people notifying their absence and my personal priority is to ensure that these people feel fully supported while they are away so it feels easier on their return. The person who line leads me feels the same too.

What I’m trying to say is that the work culture at your place is the problem and not you. Wising your child a speedy recovery.

I’m sorry your child is so unwell. I am stunned that you are expected to power through under these circumstances. I think given the stress, weight-loss and insomnia, (all a logical response to the situation) you would be a shoo-in for some medical leave. I would eventually consider taking some time to put feelers out to a more family-friendly company as well. While your position sounds important to your company, it certainly doesn’t sound like they treat their staff with the same respect.

Why would you care about your colleagues holiday over your child's health? Do they care about your bills and your child?

In this situation you have to put yourself and child first. They would and I hope things turn for the better for you.

And as a previous poster said, I would not resent you in the slightest. This is your employers responsibility to sort out not yours.

Your child is your priority. You will not go to your death bed wishing that you had worked more …. However you may go to your death bed wishing you had been with your child more when they were unwell. Get signed off work. It it’s your employers responsibility to honour your colleagues holiday not yours. I hope your child gets better soon.

I wouldn't resent you in the slightest if you were my colleague. If I had to cancel my holiday I'd blame my Manager, not you. All the best ❤️

Completely agree @Justlovedogs.

I think the colleague having a holiday is a red herring really. @Jimisnotmyname has a very ill daughter in hospital, her GP will give her a sick note, and that’s it. When other people may or may not be going on holiday is neither here nor there.

Good lord, I am truly shocked by some of the responses on this thread. The lack of compassion and empathy is horrendous.
@Jimisnotmyname if you're still reading this, please, please go and see your doctor and get signed off for the first month, then take it a month, or even a week, at a time. You are not well with stress. Your company have a scheme in place to give you 6 months fully paid sick leave for a reason. It will be no good for you, your DH, your other DC or your employer if you run yourself into the ground. So what if other colleagues have an issue with it? If you're ill, you're ill. No one asks for what you're going through and you certainly didn't choose to be in this position. Who knows? By the time your colleagues holiday comes around, you may feel well enough to cover and if you can't, then your employer should have better contingency plans for this sort of eventuality. I truly hope things work out OK for you.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. People just don’t understand stress and mental health until they have been through it themselves and they tend to lack empathy as a result. You are no use to anyone if you’re broken and sometimes you have to look after number 1 before you reach breaking point. I note that your work place haven’t offered any support or reasonable adjustments, so maybe it is time to take matters out of their hands and go to your doctor as planned. Don’t worry about being fired - you are contractually entitled to 6 months off sick for a reason and they would not be able to dismiss you on this basis. Your colleagues holiday plans are not your responsibility and although it is a job share, I very much doubt the company will legally be allowed to cancel their holiday plans if you report sick, unless they plan to reimburse your colleague for any financial loss. As you said, you are not coping and it is clear you are not well. Don’t let a bunch of strangers on MN make you feel that your reasons for going to the doctors are not valid. I doubt many people would be able to cope with juggling work alongside caring for a seriously ill child. Don’t feel guilty for needing time out to prioritise your own health. And don’t worry about what anyone else thinks - anyone who thinks badly of you as a result is not worth worrying about. I hope your DC is on the mend soon.