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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit worried about going to someone's house where they have massive dogs?

85 replies

blubberball · 14/03/2025 06:43

We've been invited to a garden party, but I'm not sure how to get across my concerns about the massive dogs my friend had last time we were there. I don't see her very often, so I'm not sure how many dogs she currently has, but last time I was there, there were 2 huge bully type dogs. It was just us, so I was able to stay calm and was able to keep the dogs calm. This time, it's going to be a party with at least 20 people I imagine, and I just have this gut feeling that it could be a recipe for disaster. I love animals, and I'm generally not scared of dogs, but just read so many stories about bully dogs killing people. I can't get the image out of my head of how they lock their jaws on to something (or someone), and violently shake and don't let go. I don't want to offend her, but how would other people handle this situation?

OP posts:
EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 08:23

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what breed they are really. They're massive, powerful and muscular animals

Quite. I had a friend with a couple of Rhodesian Ridgebacks. She used to say she'd put them in the garden when I was there but then they would bark like mad until she let them in. I eventually had to ask her to tell me before she let them in so I could leave.

I haven't sought therapy because this fear involved just two dogs and one friend.
It seemed cheaper and less disruptive to just not visit.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 14/03/2025 08:18

blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:04

Last time we were there for a party, the dog was wandering around stealing food off people's plates. I saw the funny side. Now there are more of them and I guess that I've read more stories since. Some pets are just too big and powerful to be allowed really

That’s really crap in itself. Awful for guests and not great for the dogs if they eat something they shouldn’t.

Pices · 14/03/2025 08:18

It does really matter which breed they are if know anything about dogs. Great Danes, Irish wolfhounds, Newfoundlands etc are all bigger than XL bullies but you’d be fairly daft to be afraid of them. Perhaps they’re Bullmastiffs? If you’re not comfortable then don’t go. You’ll have to politely decline. If you think your friends are the type of people to put their friends in harms way then maybe they aren’t the friends for you.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:06

They're not staffies, they're huge. I love staffies. I admittedly don't know much about these dog breeds, but they look you know illegal. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what breed they are really. They're massive, powerful and muscular animals

OP posts:
Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:04

Last time we were there for a party, the dog was wandering around stealing food off people's plates. I saw the funny side. Now there are more of them and I guess that I've read more stories since. Some pets are just too big and powerful to be allowed really

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/03/2025 08:03

Everyone thinks their dogs will be fine, and are friendly.....until they're not.

I wouldn't be around a bully type dog full stop!

Pices · 14/03/2025 08:03

Maybe just ask what breed they are? You don’t seem to have much knowledge of dogs. We have dogs and I have never put them away for a party. Why would I? They love it! They ignore people that don’t offer them a fuss and get loads of attention from those that do. If these are two staffies who are perfectly well trained then it’s really a non-event. If they’re XL bullies then you could have some concern.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:00

I love animals and am always respectful of them. I know that if an animal bites/scratches me, then it's always my fault. I would just rather it not be the last thing someone does

OP posts:
Mydogisamassivetwat · 14/03/2025 07:59

Do people generally just have dogs milling around when they have a party?

I’ve owned dogs all my life and whenever we have a party, the children have a few friends over etc, the dog has always been confined to a safe room for the duration. More for the dog if anything, to reduce stress and not to have the worry of where they are/what they are eating/if someone accidentally lets them out.

Also, I am aware that not eveyone likes dogs, even though I have only ever owned soppy golden retrievers, they are still large and not everyone is comfortable around them.

Are you sure your friend won’t be doing the same?

EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 07:54

Personally I would be looking to get some help with this issue as this seems to be preventing you from enjoying nice, social occasions with your friends

One instance of being nervous in a specific situation, with a number of specific dogs whilst not generally being afraid of dogs does not call for any sort of therapy. In fact, it seems that the large majority agree with OP and it's not something they'd choose to do even as a one off. I personally quite like dogs but would avoid this situation because I wouldn't be at all comfortable.
It's a normal reaction.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 14/03/2025 07:53

Just tell her you are nervous of the dogs' so won't be able to attend, they might tell you the dogs are going to be in another room/outhouse for the time you are there. Or they may be going to a dog sitter? If not then you have been honest

Itchybritches · 14/03/2025 07:48

Mumsnet, either you’re drunk or I’m drunk (unlikely at this time of the morning) but why the F is there a dog gif appearing in my post 😂🤣🤣

Celebrate Happy Birthday GIF by Sealed With A GIF
Loubylie · 14/03/2025 07:47

Don't go and explain to your friend that you're wary of bull breeds. Nothing unusual about that and perfectly understandable.

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 07:47

Serpentstooth · 14/03/2025 07:42

Has OP any reason to feel like this? Hmm, wonder what it could be? Maybe the number of fatal dog attacks by what she perceives to be similar breeds? Stay safe OP, stay home.

Show quote history

But surely then the obvious answer is not to go? If the dogs are so dangerous why is there even a question of going?

9fthighfence · 14/03/2025 07:46

I’d not go

Gundogday · 14/03/2025 07:44

I wouldn’t go.

A large Old English sheepdog or Leonberger, fine. A bully type - no.

Yirk · 14/03/2025 07:43

Just don't go, !

Lighteningstrikes · 14/03/2025 07:42

Don‘t put yourself in a potentially very dangerous situation.

If she’s got any sense (these people haven’t, because they treat these dogs like their harmless babies) she would lock them up in a secure room.

Serpentstooth · 14/03/2025 07:42

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 07:13

Is there a reason you are nervous about these specific dogs? Were they aggressive last time you went, difficult to control, have they given you any reason to be afraid? If not, it just seems a bit strange to be afraid.

Why don’t you ask her what the arrangements are for the dogs because you are nervous? Then you can decide what to do based on her attitude (I.e. dismissive or if she has thought about it carefully). To be fair, you don’t know if the dogs are a bully breed or if they just look like that to you. Again worth asking? I think if your friend feels it is safe to invite 20 people then she most likely doesn’t consider the dogs to be a problem.

Has OP any reason to feel like this? Hmm, wonder what it could be? Maybe the number of fatal dog attacks by what she perceives to be similar breeds? Stay safe OP, stay home.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 07:41

I love animals, but I think that I now have anxiety about any large, predatory animals that have the potential to overpower adults. Especially in uncontrolled situations.

OP posts:
Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 07:38

Well they're definitely bully type. I just thought that was an umbrella term for all bull dog breeds?

OP posts:
TurnThatLightOn · 14/03/2025 07:37

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 07:13

Is there a reason you are nervous about these specific dogs? Were they aggressive last time you went, difficult to control, have they given you any reason to be afraid? If not, it just seems a bit strange to be afraid.

Why don’t you ask her what the arrangements are for the dogs because you are nervous? Then you can decide what to do based on her attitude (I.e. dismissive or if she has thought about it carefully). To be fair, you don’t know if the dogs are a bully breed or if they just look like that to you. Again worth asking? I think if your friend feels it is safe to invite 20 people then she most likely doesn’t consider the dogs to be a problem.

It's not at all strange to be nervous of large dogs, and especially on their own territory. It's unfair to label people 'strange' just because their reactions don't coincide with one's own.

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 07:36

So the problem isn’t the bully dogs (you really should avoid claiming them to be that when you don’t know what they are), it is that you have anxiety about large dogs. If this is the case, you absolutely should feel free to not attend.

Personally I would be looking to get some help with this issue as this seems to be preventing you from enjoying nice, social occasions with your friends.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 07:28

Then to put into the mix a relaxed crowd of people getting pissed up, and I just can see a disaster happening. I have anxiety about these risks. You know like when there's a pond in someone's garden, and there's a family gathering, everyone thinks another person is keeping an eye on the kids and one falls in the pond.

OP posts:
TheWonderhorse · 14/03/2025 07:27

I would consider the dogs a key reason for attending and the 20 people might put me off 🤣