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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit worried about going to someone's house where they have massive dogs?

85 replies

blubberball · 14/03/2025 06:43

We've been invited to a garden party, but I'm not sure how to get across my concerns about the massive dogs my friend had last time we were there. I don't see her very often, so I'm not sure how many dogs she currently has, but last time I was there, there were 2 huge bully type dogs. It was just us, so I was able to stay calm and was able to keep the dogs calm. This time, it's going to be a party with at least 20 people I imagine, and I just have this gut feeling that it could be a recipe for disaster. I love animals, and I'm generally not scared of dogs, but just read so many stories about bully dogs killing people. I can't get the image out of my head of how they lock their jaws on to something (or someone), and violently shake and don't let go. I don't want to offend her, but how would other people handle this situation?

OP posts:
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Pices · 16/03/2025 13:52

Bull mastiffs are a bully breed but are perfectly fine. Tbf the OP doesn’t even know what breed of dogs these are and hasn’t bothered to ask. It’s probably best she doesn’t go.

bumblebee1987 · 16/03/2025 09:52

I love dogs, I work exclusively with dogs. Not a chance in hell I would go to someone's house if they had a bully breed. Great dane, Irish wolfhound, newfoundland, I'd be there in an instant, try and stop me, I adore large breeds, but bully breeds? Not a chance. Those dogs have NO place as family pets. They are all 'soft as anything' until suddenly they aren't, and there is very little anyone can do to stop them. They are a ticking time bomb of pure muscle and power. I'd be honest too, if you get one of those dogs, you need to understand that you've ostracised yourself.

HistoryAndNature · 15/03/2025 18:48

I would just tell the truth and say you’re sorry but you won’t be joining as you’ve realised recently that you feel worried in the presence of large dogs. You can always add on the fact that you know her dogs are friendly but you can’t get the worry out of your mind. I don’t think that is offensive to her and it’s also the truth and a fair reason not to attend. ☺️

L0309 · 14/03/2025 22:42

I’m really scared of dogs, I wouldn’t go to any party with dogs like that!

I really can’t stand most dogs.

Julimia · 14/03/2025 22:24

Surely your friend will be sufficiently aware to keep the dogs away fom her guests. Ask her. If not you are busy that day.

LameBorzoi · 14/03/2025 22:23

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/03/2025 22:20

Your fear is rational. Every week there is a new story about a person being killed by a bully. They may seem like they have a good temperament but they are bred to be killers, it is in their instincts and can turn on a sixpence. I would not go to the party and I would be telling my friend why as well. If they have a party with the dogs running free and someone is killed or attacked, she will be arrested and her dogs will be killed.

The stories don't reflect the numbers, though. I'm all for sensible dog handling, but the media has whipped this dog fear into a stupid frenzy.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 14/03/2025 22:23

Another dog attack at 1640 this afternoon.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cwyd673k2dyo

Thelnebriati · 14/03/2025 22:20

I wouldn't go either. The risk of aggression can increase if certain factors are at play; if there is a pair of dogs (male and female), if the female is about to come into season, or if their routine changes (such as introducing 20 strangers into their territory, and giving those 20 people alcohol or a plate of food.)

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/03/2025 22:20

Your fear is rational. Every week there is a new story about a person being killed by a bully. They may seem like they have a good temperament but they are bred to be killers, it is in their instincts and can turn on a sixpence. I would not go to the party and I would be telling my friend why as well. If they have a party with the dogs running free and someone is killed or attacked, she will be arrested and her dogs will be killed.

Gowlett · 14/03/2025 22:11

Fear of dogs is not irrational.
I wouldn’t be near these dogs.
BIL got a massive dog, no ta!

Lemsipper · 14/03/2025 22:09

Statistically you’re probably more likely to die on the drive over there, I wouldn’t worry about it

Rhaidimiddim · 14/03/2025 22:06

Pootles34 · 14/03/2025 06:53

Nah I wouldn't go if they're bully types. I just don't trust the judgement of someone who chooses to get a dog like that.

This! 100% this!

pizzaHeart · 14/03/2025 22:04

Doingmybest12 · 14/03/2025 06:49

I wouldn't go or I'd ask if the dogs will be out. I'm happy to tell people I'm a bit scared of dogs even though I've had dogs. Most sensible people understand and if they don't even pretend to understand I'd not go.

That’s me too.

Mh67 · 14/03/2025 22:03

Just don't go. My friend has asked me to stay a few times at her house and I always refuse as she has a dog. I'm not comfortable around them. She accepts this

SpareMe · 14/03/2025 20:01

I have dogs, I love dogs but still feel nervous around weapon dogs

Yerdug · 14/03/2025 19:59

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 07:13

Is there a reason you are nervous about these specific dogs? Were they aggressive last time you went, difficult to control, have they given you any reason to be afraid? If not, it just seems a bit strange to be afraid.

Why don’t you ask her what the arrangements are for the dogs because you are nervous? Then you can decide what to do based on her attitude (I.e. dismissive or if she has thought about it carefully). To be fair, you don’t know if the dogs are a bully breed or if they just look like that to you. Again worth asking? I think if your friend feels it is safe to invite 20 people then she most likely doesn’t consider the dogs to be a problem.

Bully breed owners don't consider their dog/s to be a problem. Until there is a ( often fatal) problem. This is the problem.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 14/03/2025 18:52

Dog lover here. My dog is currently cuddled up against me. I wouldn’t go. Dogs act strange when a lot of people are on their patch. They can also get over excited. Kids running and squealing could alarm them. Any other breed would be ok but you’re right, it’s not worth the risk.

Maddy70 · 14/03/2025 18:49

TheWonderhorse · 14/03/2025 07:27

I would consider the dogs a key reason for attending and the 20 people might put me off 🤣

Same ... It's the people that worry me ;)

Oldandcobwebby · 14/03/2025 18:31

Bugger that. I wouldn't put myself at risk for the sake of a couple of glasses of wine and some sarnies.

Zwellers · 14/03/2025 18:28

You sound very dramatic describing the dogs as predatory.

MsNevermore · 14/03/2025 18:22

I’d ask her. Just politely say that you’re a bit nervous around dogs and if she’s planning on having the dogs around the party guests?

I’d argue that most responsible dog owners also wouldn’t put their animals in a position that’s potentially stressful for them - like having 20 strangers in their home. No matter how well behaved and friendly a dog is, that as the potential to be inherently stressful and could be a recipe for disaster. It’s not a risk I’d take personally - not only for the benefit of my guests but also my dog.
My sister has a very large dog, and despite the fact that they’ve spent a wild amount of money on professional dog training and he is so well behaved and friendly, she’d never have him in an environment like that. We had a big family event a while back that was hosted at my sister’s house, and her dog went to my parents’ house for the duration of the party where he could chill out in a familiar environment and not be stressed out.

The13thFairy · 14/03/2025 12:35

Of course I wouldn't go, and I'd tell her why. It'll probably be a very small party!

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 10:32

EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 07:54

Personally I would be looking to get some help with this issue as this seems to be preventing you from enjoying nice, social occasions with your friends

One instance of being nervous in a specific situation, with a number of specific dogs whilst not generally being afraid of dogs does not call for any sort of therapy. In fact, it seems that the large majority agree with OP and it's not something they'd choose to do even as a one off. I personally quite like dogs but would avoid this situation because I wouldn't be at all comfortable.
It's a normal reaction.

I think if you read OP's posts you will understand why I have suggested it. I think the last post mentions a constant anxiety loop. I don't see why my suggestion is not a viable one. She is free to take it or leave it, but it does seem it would be helpful.

Yerroblemom1923 · 14/03/2025 10:03

I think I would've asked if she could lock them away for the duration of the party, and am surprised she hasn't planned to anyway! I would imagine most of the party goers don't want to be terrified and if it's kids too is he especially concerned.
Why people still have these dogs is beyond me. What's wrong with a Lab or a spaniel? Friendly, sociable dogs not bred for bull-baiting! I know it's an outdated sport but it's in their genes still and the harm they can do is madness!

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 14/03/2025 09:54

@LoveWine123 why should she get help because she doesn't love big dogs? I don't love dogs and cats. I am happy not to attend social events where they are present and I have no intention of seeking help either. The idea that everyone must love animals is ridiculous